hate when people say that i dont seem to be on the Autistic spectrum just because i type well
in reality i would find it difficult to say all this using my mouth
the psychologist diagnosed me with Aspergrs so why people say stuff like that....just sucks
I have had people telling me I 'must be mild' because I can come across well, I speak well, I can maintain basic conversation, and I have basically learnt how to 'pass' as NT. However, I have learnt these skills through patient observation and I have used my reasonably high intelligence to compensate for my deficits. This does not mean that I find socialising easy or have lost my Asperger's - it just means I am an example of what is possible if you apply your intellect and learn how to be social. I can only maintain the act for a short period before my mind starts to feel overloaded, I lose coherence, and I start to shut down. Most people never see any florid Asperger symptoms because they are not with me for any length of time, or they do not see me in moments of stress.
I know that people are trying to be nice when they tell me I 'must be mild', but this comment is an ignorant assertion, and people need to be educated. Far from the remark being a source of encouragement, it makes me feel that my condition is not being taken seriously, and this leads to self doubt and confusion. The remark can come across as an underhand way of saying ''I don't really think you have Asperger's!'. This may or may nor be their intent but as Neurotypicals often do not say what they mean, it leaves me questioning what they are trying to convey.
In fact, my Asperger's is anything but mild, and if they only knew my history and the time and effort it has taken for me to 'pass' as NT, they would understand the struggles I have experienced in the past and present. My mask is very fragile and it does not take much for me to crumble and reveal my hidden self. I act a part, but not with any emotion or genuine understanding. It all feels fake and contrived, but I have developed enough social understanding to know how to blend in. This prevents me from being bullied, but it negatively affects my self esteem, and I really do not know how much longer I can maintain the facade.
Hope said:I have had people telling me I 'must be mild' because I can come across well, I speak well, I can maintain basic conversation, and I have basically learnt how to 'pass' as NT.
Ah yes, that classic gem of a response, "well, you don't look Autistic" or "you must be mild"... said with a smile as if you should be grateful that they've deemed you almost close to their 'normal'.
On the one hand, yes... the Allistics do probably mean well, even if it is coming from a place of ignorance. But equally, there is another flavour I detect beneath it all.
On the rare occasions I do talk about Autism with Allistics, they seem to have an innate defense mechanism whereby they don't want to concede that you have it, or very real troubles. Because they don't know how to talk about, or handle Autism, they try to demean it, and your life experiences. They're far more comfortable if you only have 'a little bit of Autism'. As such, it's these experiences that led me to understand The Second Rule to Being Autistic:
"... Neurotypicals will not allow you to be Autistic."
Exactly! I have the feeling they're scared that they'll "make it worse" by acknowledging it. Funny, because I also used to think that it was consoling to hear your situation is not all that bad. Now I realise, it just makes you want to scream ...