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Driving

Deleted user

I have never been able to learn to drive. I attempted it when I was 17 and found it really difficult, ultimately having a meltdown, getting out of the car and walking home. I've always been quite fearful of trying again although it's been at the back of my mind and I've often had a vague thought that I might try again.

A few years ago I took my theory test and passed. I then arranged a week's intensive driving lessons that I chickened out of at the last minute. The anxiety was too much. I think I decided at that point that I'd probably never learn. I think the issue for me is that there's too much going on during driving - there's so much sensory input and unpredictability that to sit behind the wheel of a moving car just feels ridiculously risky.

I actually struggle to be in cars as a passenger, unless I'm with my wife. My family, particularly my brother, used to give me stick about not driving. When I lived in a city I cycled everywhere and it was never really an issue. I now live in a rural area, two miles from the train station, a mile or so from the bus stop. I work from home so don't need to get anywhere and I'm very self-contained and don't feel isolated particularly.

With all my nephews and nieces driving I sometimes feel a little inadequate that I don't. Then I read that over a quarter of the adult population doesn't drive and growing numbers of young people aren't learning. 

I know driving is one of those things that some autistic people really struggle with and others find they're really good at. 

I'd be interested to learn about other peoples' experiences of driving and how they find it. Are there any other people like me into middle-age and still a non-driver?

Parents

  • I'm ok even in heavy city traffic if I know the city and there are no deviations. I see the whole thing as from above and dodge and weave and find or guard the gap. Where it gets scary for me, and the meltdown factor, is not knowing where I am or how to get to where I need to go. I panic at being lost as a driver. The google assist helps a bit but it also takes the fun out of it. I enjoy studying the map, charting a route, the stops I'll make and the timing. BUT- if any of those elements is altered I just go bashi-bazook, and then I am a danger. It is worlds slower but also more relaxing to be a passenger. I've come to prefer it.

    I may try a vespa..

    Sometimes I imagine I am driving again on some slow back road with trees and swooping birds and and sweet breeze, some animals in fields. there are quaint structures and waving people on distant foot paths.. [sigh]..

    Oddly enough, at night, when there is just what's in the headlights it is much easier to drive! the lines are illuminated, I just follow the lines. other cars have lights and it's much simpler.

  • in reply to Uhane
    Uhane said:
    Where it gets scary for me, and the meltdown factor, is not knowing where I am or how to get to where I need to go. I panic at being lost as a driver

    My dad, who I’m convinced was also autistic, became incredibly unpleasant if he got lost in the car or took a wrong turning. Lots of shouting and blaming everyone else in the car. He would panic, basically.

    One of the few things I’m proud of is that I don’t panic in this situation (or any situation actually - it takes too long for me to mount an emotional reaction) - I just re-route. I have a sort of aerial map view of things and just calmly find an alternative route.

    My childhood would have been much less stressful if my dad had a satnav back then.

  • in reply to A

    oh i don't think I blame people. Mind you, I drive alone 95% of the time. I really don't like to drive with other people in the car. Instead it's the road, roadwork, accidents blocking lanes, the map, the google, other deviations, or myself.

    The general war cry, at such times, goes something like  - "WHERE THE eF AM ? HOW DO I GET OUT? WHERE'S THE RIGHT ROAD. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. WHERE'S THE eFING SIGN? eF!, THAT WAS THE EXIT,  with a generous portion of explicit expletives tossed in the mix, along with the furious rocking and gripping, banging of the wheel. They make 'em strong for this reason, perhaps? Afterwards it just seems funny. I'm a silly ass, says, I.

    It is nice if you can reroute on the fly. I can see the route, but, since it's not the one I mulled over and sculpted in my head before starting, I have a hard time shifting gears (haha) to a new one on the fly.

    I need to pull over and reroute. Nice that you can do that in your head as you go! your superpower!

    Funny thing --I work with computers a lot, and with them, it is the same. If they are uncooperative and do unexpected things and are intransigent, chewing up hours of my time for what should be a moment's rote process... well, I have broken one or two fancy dongles and peripherals in the heat of rage.

    another Funny thing, there's always a part of me off to the side, amused, watching, and making sure I don't do anything too regrettably expensively stupid or fatal. I'm 95% a silly ass, says, I.

Reply
  • in reply to A

    oh i don't think I blame people. Mind you, I drive alone 95% of the time. I really don't like to drive with other people in the car. Instead it's the road, roadwork, accidents blocking lanes, the map, the google, other deviations, or myself.

    The general war cry, at such times, goes something like  - "WHERE THE eF AM ? HOW DO I GET OUT? WHERE'S THE RIGHT ROAD. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HERE. WHERE'S THE eFING SIGN? eF!, THAT WAS THE EXIT,  with a generous portion of explicit expletives tossed in the mix, along with the furious rocking and gripping, banging of the wheel. They make 'em strong for this reason, perhaps? Afterwards it just seems funny. I'm a silly ass, says, I.

    It is nice if you can reroute on the fly. I can see the route, but, since it's not the one I mulled over and sculpted in my head before starting, I have a hard time shifting gears (haha) to a new one on the fly.

    I need to pull over and reroute. Nice that you can do that in your head as you go! your superpower!

    Funny thing --I work with computers a lot, and with them, it is the same. If they are uncooperative and do unexpected things and are intransigent, chewing up hours of my time for what should be a moment's rote process... well, I have broken one or two fancy dongles and peripherals in the heat of rage.

    another Funny thing, there's always a part of me off to the side, amused, watching, and making sure I don't do anything too regrettably expensively stupid or fatal. I'm 95% a silly ass, says, I.

Children
  • in reply to Uhane

    I work in IT and have had an affinity for computers and technology since I was a child. The only time i get sweary with computers is when I’m debugging some code I’ve written and can’t understand why it’s not working. This is invariably followed by “ah! You idiot!” and a feeling of great satisfaction when i figure it out.

    Uhane said:
    another Funny thing, there's always a part of me off to the side, amused, watching, and making sure I don't do anything too regrettably expensively stupid or fatal

    Interesting you should say that. I have, I guess, two presences in my head, one watching the other. I wonder if this is part of the autistic masking process - we need a sort of governor process to watch us and step in when we’re about to do something socially unacceptable.