Sex within a relationship

P.s This should not be a Tabboo subject or be uncomfortable for Woman to talk about.
The Female body was designed by Mother Nature to give off Pheromones to attract a mate.
I will not elaborate on the above,but it is perfectly Natural.
I know we all get embarrassed about our " bits " but it is perfectly normal.
Nothing to ashamed about.
It is erotic when love-making, enjoy each other's body the way Mother Nature intended.
As far as Guy's are concerned ? They just need educating.
Initmacy is the most beautiful thing in the world when you love someone.

A natural scent would be a better description.
He needs to know this is perfectly normal.

This is where my disability comes in my 1st marriage was used a lot and never understood the whole sex thing.

Yep.

As a man ages the testosterone goes down and finally the main brain gets a chance to call the shots! 

I'm 60, I know this!

What having a high sex drive?  

It's a problem that eases with age!

I haven't ever set a time before, if I did, I would do like I do when he sets a time, keep telling myself that there is a chance it might not happen. I do try not to get annoyed, but if I'm really horny and he changes his mind, then sometimes I get grumpy/miserable (I know this does not help the situation)

Glad to hear things have been better.  OK, it was just an idea as I've not been in that exact situation. Wondering what the consequence would be if you set a time and he changed his mind...?

I wasn't tested until late in life and found to be autistic and developmental disability so was manpulated by 1s wife .The 2nd one is very understanding she really runs the show also been incontinent for yrs.

Hi, he does sometimes say we can have sex tomorrow, but like you said it's not very romantic lol, also I prefer not to set a time incase he changes his mind. Things have been a little better lately, so hoping it stays like this. 

Have you tried fixing a time, unromantic as that may seem, and then showering immediately before or together? If he is autistic, knowing what you both want to happen may help.

I suppose a fixed time could increase anxiety, but maybe a backup plan too (unusual things that you both might like)?

I like autistic routines, as agreed , so I know what to expect and look forward to, but then when something happens unexpected like an outside casual encounter , it destroys me

Perhaps. I guess it matters how regularly you have sex. I’m told frequent douching risks washing out the natural bacteria… but only before sex might not be that frequent. Even twice a month is more frequent than never and I doubt that would ‘wash out’ natural bacteria unless you were us in something aggressive like an alcohol based product.

Need to be careful, with that route, only use medically tested preparations, as it is easy to damage the natural vulvo-vaginal flora, with possibly unpleasant consequences.

I mean in terms of reducing body oder why not remove your pubic hair? Body hair is a major retainer of sweat and the bacteria that feed off sweat. You can buy special deodorant considered safe for use in that area.

ive had female friends complain to me that boyfriends  don’t shower enough but I can’t think of many man who wouldn’t  take a shower if he was told sex would happen after. Maybe bathing or even dushing immediately before sex would help.

but ultimately you’ve got to get inside your husbands head and figure out what turns him on. Even people who aren’t very sexual usually have at least one fantasy or activity that turns them on. If you can find your husbands buttons you can probably get quite far just by hammering them repeatedly.

Hi, thank you for your comment.

The reason I wrote on here was for help and ideas on what to do to improve our sex life, so if anyone has any ideas, I'm willing to try them. 

Isn’t it better to light a candle than curse the dark? Isn’t it wiser to change a situation if a person can’t change themselves?

no one really knows if they smell. We all get used to our own smell. And autistic people often have hyper sensitivities to things like certain smells. If eliminating your body oder, even if it’s not particularly noticeable to normal people, is what it takes to improve your sex life isn’t it worth it? 

Thanks for replying again. Your not the first person to say about a open relationship, my worries are that he would say yes and go along with it to make me happy, but really it would hurt him and I don't want to hurt him.

Sex is not just about orgasms, it's about intimacy, and all sorts of squishy psychological and other things. A HUGE miservice that our media has done us as a society is to exalt it as a thing in it's own right, whereas it actually seems to be more a product of a lot of other seemingly unrelated things going right. 

I remember the (horrible) couple next door, who used to shag loudly and enthusiastically (when they weren't making trouble about the sound of my christmas party five minutes after they've moved in, etc.)  But a little later in the night, I'd hear the sound of her weeping... I bet he was sleeping soundly thinking he was "da man"...

(We had thin walls and I'm a night owl, I really wasn't listening, or particularly interested in their lives, per-se, outside of when they were being oppressive, but I notice what I notice).

An honest appraisal of your situation can only be made by your hubby. If he masturbates frequently, then it isn't lack of sex drive, it's lack of "engagement" which I've experienced a lot, sadly, and requires a lot of work and motivation to fix. We are taught in the west to simply give up and move on to a new relationship, rather than focus on fixing those problems. 

A little known generalisation that has just occurred to me and may be true, is that men need to feel "safe" in sex whereas women need to feel safe in everything BUT sex.. "Generalisation" is very much out of fashion these days as a tool for understanding life, and can of course lead to misunderstandings, but it was also a "useful rule of thumb" for much of human history, and can be used wisely if one is kind and gentle with it's application I still feel.

FWIW, I was taught when I was young, that there is a "magic triangle" of life by the name of Love Sex and Marriage, and that all three sides of the triangle are interdependent. In a long term relationship I find that the "magic and sexual chemistry" ebbs and flows, as does the "love" to be honest, after you exhaust your stock of oxytocin or whatever fiendish chemical it is that causes you to "fall in love".

Sex if you do it with out love, just becomes a chasing after a high, or for some people (particularly if you look at porn, where the extremes are presented as normal, and the normal presented as "dysfunctional" thus skewing the regular an impressionable viewers expectations in an often unfortunate direction) an olympic challenge. 

The marriage part is all the hard work that has to go in if living together is to succeed.

There's more but a bright mind can run with this themselves, and people on the spectrum I believe are often very bright indeed. You sound like an honest person who loves her husband and is working at things, I wish you well, and I'm sure that you and your hubby will find a way to make it work if you just keep working at it. 

LIfe isn't like Disney sells it very often, at all, is it?

You're asking him to do something that you say yourself is hard—change the desire for sex.  That's like expecting someone to be more or less hungry than you, and then getting mad with them because they only want a small meal, or because they want a bigger meal than you. 

If you want to feel wanted, it has to start with you. You have to want yourself. If you want to feel attractive, then you have to feel attractive to yourself. Everything starts with ourselves. I know the world would tell you otherwise, but the moment we expect or rely upon other person to fulfil our needs, well that's the moment we set ourselves up for pain and suffering. No one but ourselves can fulfil our own needs. 

The lesson for you is to learn to channel your sexual energy into a more positive, a more creative direction. Fornication is a primitive human activity, and yet it occupies such an exaggerated place in our lives—and is the source of so much misery and unhappiness. Hobbies can be fun, relaxing, challenging, creative, athletic, social, or educational. 

Of course, there is always the option of an open relationship in which you could work off your extra sexual urges with someone else. I know people do this. It would take the pressure off both of you.