Need advice urgently

My advice would be to take as much time as he needs answering.

To take pen and paper in to make his own notes.

He can write down the question if needed and take as much time to answer if needed. Even working out an answer on paper before saying it.

He can even write on the notepad a reminder like "saying less is more" - something like that.

Sadly, words can't be taken back and some of us with autism have a habit of 'spilling out' too much info.

I think less is more should be relatively ok. We probably can be nearly certain that his work will be holding back what they have done.

The taking one's own notes also helps to keep them honest. If taking one's own notes, one can compare one's own notes with HR's and if there's a key difference there, you have grounds to question procedure again.

Plus, the psychological effect of taking one's own notes makes them know you're taking things seriously and it helps hold back any 'attacks' or overly sharp questioning.

I guess this part is sort of 'advanced skills' in a way. It worked reasonably well for me.

I guess the meeting is probably happening/happened, but I'll keep this here as it might be useful as things go on - or for others reading this thread.

Thank You, I spoke to my son last night about it but I worry from what he said to me what he plans to say. He more or less blames himself, I told him it’s not his fault that his supervisor doesn’t understand him. Only a few minutes to go before the meeting starts, fingers crossed  

yes, that's positive. we'll keep fingers crossed for him. 

that is such good news for everyone

I rang acas but didn’t find them very forthcoming, that said I did use a term they quoted when I spoke to hr again and he now has someone from his work supporting him in the investigation meeting tomorrow thank goodness!

If the HR department are providing the witness then this may satisfy any legal requirement for an employee to have a witness for a meeting, but then if it is just an investigation meeting and he's not the one under investigation then I'm not sure on the employee rights. 

I'd make sure that your son can get a copy of the notes taken during the meeting - he'll most likely be asked to sign something to confirm that it's a fair and accurate statement of events, too.

If you are concerned that they are trying to "get him out" then check through his contract and employee handbook (HR should be able to provide a copy of these), as well as the Citizen's advice or Gov.uk websites, as dismissal has to be carried out through very specific processes. Although bear in mind that it can be difficult to dispute this if it's not clearly laid out.

To be fair to HR Departments, I've found HR in my company to be genuinely helpful and supportive since I disclosed my ASD and ADHD. 

That said, I don't assume that they are all like that, and I agree with your cautious approach. 

Yes - The HR dept is only there to protect the company and management - not for your son.

It might be worth asking for a copy of the company policies that they are using against your son - if they deviate from their own procedures one tiny bit, you have grounds against them - if they follow their procedures, it can be much more difficult.   Make sure you get a copy of their disciplinary procedure.

Most companies / HR depts are totally incompetent so try to ride roughshod over even their own rules and the law - just hoping no-one ever calls them out on it.

just agreeing with  calmerchameleon who is spot on in all details

so Contact ACAS.

Such meetings are awful..  They are so one sided its unbelievable.  Have you rang the NAS helpline ?

This sounds harsh. I've been in a similar(ish) position before. I had to read up a stack of ACAS things and eventually they backed down a bit.

I called ACAS who helped give me advice as to my rights so I'd say give them a try and see if they can provide advice on this matter regarding accompaniment or representation.

So my advice would be: Give ACAS a call.

In terms of tough meetings/investigation:
I hated the meetings. Everything in the meetings was what I now recognise as a trigger.

In my case, I had to act like 'my own lawyer'. Things were framed by the company in such a way as to 'frame' me and absolve their own faults. So, I had to be quick to recognise when they were trying to con things. Which is tough for anyone with autism/Aspie traits.

Autism/Aspie has high traits of honesty. When put against an opponent that is shameless in lying, it's deeply unfair.

One of the hardest parts of the meeting was them looking at me blankly and emotionless. It's like the still face experiment that freaks out young children. This part pushed my anxiety as high as it would go. There were two of them in meetings against one of me, and so they had more time to process things and make notes. They were acting unfairly though [the HR manager was sister of the boss, which didn't help with fairness - it's almost laughable now I've quit them]. I did manage to catch them out on improper running of procedure which bought me some useful 'higher ground'

I wouldn't advise someone with autism to go into such a meeting alone if there's even a hint of bullying going on. I really hope there is precedent for your son having appropriate accompaniment. Fingers crossed this will be the case

Thank you. I have tried to contact the HR department but they’re not answering their phone. My son had a letter to say that the HR department will be taking notes as a company witness.  My son is not in a union but my husband is and he is going to try to find out what he is entitled to. In the letter they say that it is just an investigation and that he does not have a statutory right to be accompanied.

I'm not a lawyer, but I would have hoped so. I would expect representation to be allowed for any employee with a grievance. 

If this is a company of any size, they will have an HR Dept. They should be advising on how this is dealt with, and they should know and play by the Equality Act. 

In theory, if they treat your son differently because of a disability, it will cost the company (though it can be hard to prove a claim, of course). So HR should want to be involved. 

So 1) ask HR, 2) if he is in a union, consult his union representative. 

Good Luck. 

Andrew R