I was wondering whether anyone else finds that their direct communication gets them into trouble?
I personally think it's really ironic that we get accused of not being able to communicate or having communication difficulties when most people with ASD are more direct. Surely being more direct should mean that that meaning is clearer, unabridged etc. However, this is seemingly not the case.
I generally find that when I feel hurt, I communicate straight away, and I tend to say exactly what I want or don't want. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember to be polite because this is extra information to have to negotiate in the heat of the moment. Anyway, so let's say I communicate directly by saying, "I didn't know that was happening. I feel quite overlooked." What I then get told is that my timing was not good and the tone was not good.
I don't know about others, but I try really hard to get it right, but it really is quite exhausting, and I actually feel I did quite well to say what I felt at the moment when the subject came up and to explain why also. I find it really hard to tone down the way I say something because it's linked to how I'm feeling and I'm not good at faking it.
Basically, what tends to happen is that I just go round and round in circles. Whenever I try to communicate my thoughts and feelings, I get ticked off for it and how I felt is ignored and overlooked.
Does anyone else struggle in this way and does anyone know any strategies to cope better? I'm not sure I have the energy to try to work out the right tone and way of putting something to make it more palatable!!
My very sweet colleague said to me "you're not a people-pleaser"
I think she's trying to tell me something.
I speak my mind and I like it that way. Some appreciate it, some don't. I do try to moderate myself right down to polite for work but I'm still way too much for some. Do I care? Not really. Not unless there is a police officer involved ...
My view is "You're not paying me to be likeable"
Well quite so! My boss told me once I was unprofessional when I spoke out about something. I asserted that there is nothing wrong with the way I express myself. She has since been told to wind her neck in and leave me alone (words to that effect)
I bet what you'd said was right though... and possibly showed up your boss?
Well yes it did. She's total rubbish though so she had it coming.