Published on 12, July, 2020
My daughter is 12 and spends practically all day on her tablet or laptop, I have tried turning the internet off for some of the day but it causes so many arguments, she's moody when not playing her favourite online games, she shouts at me and her brother. She literally sits on her bed all day o lying coming out for her dinner. Does anyone have any advice, or know where I can go for help please? I cant stand watching her wasting her life away, doing nothing but playing online games. Thankyou
Excessive use of a computer/internet can cause severe anxiety and depression.
Autistic people are very prone to obsessive behaviour, and with moderation it can give a purpose to someones life. The fact she is moody and does little else does suggest to me that the computer has become a substitute for something in your daughter's life that is either missing or there is some sort of thought that things will get 'better' if she continues.
Like any addiction, it can become harmful. My understanding of how this may happen is as follow and s, as someone who has been very prone to anxiety and depression from my teenage years (although home computers were not even in the realm of science fiction when I was your daughers age!)
Initially there may have been some excitement, and this excitement becomes less as use continues. So use increases to try to get a repeat of the 'hit' that there was initially. The person becomes moody as other needs are not being met. Eating may become disrupted,, other interests are lost. And real physical changes take place as the brain releases chemicals in order to cope. The brain has 'pleasure receptors' which react to chemicals released by stimuli that cause pleasure. Love releases oxytocin for example and dopamine is associated with many pleasures. Whatever the addiction, the initial pleasure is caused by release of chemicals in reaction to this.
And if the stimulus is not great enough, these receptors crave more and more as the brain gets used to the stimulus. And if more is not forthcoming, you get the reaction your daughter has had - moody, reactionary, arguments, further leading to crying and sadness, the symptoms of withdrawal.
You have to try to break this cycle, but doing it by sudden withdrawal coujld make things very uncomfortable for her. Depression and anxiety is an illness, it is not simply a case of telling someone to 'buck their ideas up'. You could try to divert her into something else, even if using the computer. If she is using social media, also try to find out if she is harbouring what I will state as 'unhealthy desires' or being bullied.
I am not a great believer in anti-depressants, but for short term use they may help. Longer term can lead to addictions. The best way might be to find something else to stimulate your daughter, try to think of something your daughter really likes - and promise her a treat. Try to do things with your daughter and not let her lock herself away unsupervised for long periods. You could find time to play computrer games with your daughter as this would at least mean you knew what she was doing.. I assume she is autistic, but this still doesn't mean that she should be allowed total exclusion from the family unit. Some 'quiet time' is ok as long as it does not become excessive.
The following article may help explain this:
https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2018/05/17/pleasure-effects-on-brain.aspx
Gaming disorder (not to be confused with gambling) is actually recognised as a mental disorder and can be diagnosed in the same way as autism. It has a number of co-morbidities, such as autism, bi-polar disorder, ADHD.
Playing games in itself is not a sign of any disorder - it is when the playing becomes an addiction, takes the place of other activities and causes moodiness, depression, anxiety, tiredness etc. The sign that it is a problem is when it is taking precedence over other things, such as eating, sleeping, and normal day to day activities.
Apparently about 3 to 4 % of 'gamers' are affected enough to be diagnosed. And such addiction should not be dismissed as something harmless, it causes real problems in life.
https://gamequitters.com/video-game-addiction-signs-symptoms-causes-and-effects/
There is a forum which may be more suited to answer questions about 'quitting' a computer gaming addiction:
https://forum.gamequitters.com/
One of the things that most autistic people do not like others saying is 'everyone feels like that' when we describe what it is like to be autistic. I don't think we should say 'lots of people like video games with no problem' when someone fears they or someone close to them might have a problem. Yes there are degrees, but like drinking, it can get out of hand. And when it does, it is a real problem not solved by making it seem trivial.
Gaming disorder is nonsense. It's like stamp collecting disorder, train spotting disorder or watching fucking Eastenders disorder. It's a label demanded by Far Eastern totalitarian regimes to allow them to further control the behaviour of their population.
Almost all of my friends have at some point spent months playing games for 80-120 hours a week. We're all also gainfully employed and living constructive lives. Most of them have no signs of autism or Aspergers.
If the daughter is playing games to the detriment of other things then I can understand and support her mother wanting to change that behaviour and encourage broader development. But the first step is not to label it a disorder; that can only lead to greater harm than the games themselves.
There's no need to 'quit' games addiction. Just find a balance that allows other things into the child's life too. And expect the arguments. 12 year old girls argue with their mother, it's a fact of life.