Self Acceptance

Acceptance 

There is only one place where acceptance is to be found. It’s within the self. It is within and not without. But when we accept ourselves, from within, then this is reflected back to us, on the outside, through other people, and their acceptance of us. 

This has been my experience and my journey to self acceptance started here. I arrived here, shortly after getting my diagnosis. I was suicidal and in desperate need of help and support. 

I got that. A couple of people, accepted me right from the beginning and through to today. They didn’t have to understand what I was saying because they understood that I was here, like everybody else, to try and make sense of my world and to learn to live as me in this somewhat alien world. And they understood, that for me to do that, I had to express myself and my truth, and it wasn’t important what I said, but where it was coming from. 

I know I’m not easy to understand and I know it often hurts people’s heads to try and understand me. But none of that matters, when somebody accepts you, just as you are. Because what we say is less important than where it is coming from. 

The loving kindness and unconditional acceptance, that was given to me, gave me, not only the help and support I needed, but also the courage and confidence to dare to be me. And they were there to hold me when I tried and fell, several times, and they knew me better than me back then (and now, probably!) and were able to reassure me that it’s ok, this is part of the journey, you’re doing so well, take some rest, it’s ok. 

And it’s evident to see, even on here, that now I accept myself, more people accept me also. Most people, I think, accept me on here now. The witch hunts and death threats to me etc, have lessened and become less severe as time rolls by and as I gathered more and more self acceptance. 

Acceptance can only come from within me, but it was certainly encouraged and supported by the people here. As well as the people here providing me with vital information, that I couldn’t get anywhere else. 

Autism is still a mystery to me and I’m happy for it to continue to be so. We don’t need to know everything, or at least I don’t. The diagnosis gave me all the answers I had ever wanted to know and the awareness is still unfolding. This means I can end my search. I got everything I ever wanted, with that diagnosis. The rest is up to me. What I do with it. And while I’ve got breathe in my body, I’m going to enjoy every minute of my new life, with all its twists and turns and ups and downs. 

I finally understand what the Buddha meant when talking about taking the middle road and about being in the world and not of it. 

I’ve never been of this world, and most autistic people aren’t. We’re closer to the source than we are our physical selves, whether we’re aware of it or not. And that is infinitely more beautiful than anything the world of forms could ever give us. What we see with our eyes and perceive with  our senses, are merely reflections of reality. They’re not reality. Reality exists within you. In your heart. And when you’re in alignment with that, it is reflected back to you from the outside world. 

People are being much friendlier towards me and around me and I realised, it’s because I’m becoming more friendly to myself. I still have my automatic autistic responses/reactions within me. Some I will be able to change, over time, and some I’ll most likely never be able change. I still have moments of what I can only call emotion, where I have some tears, but not the heart wrenching tears that I used to cry, but I accept and reaccept these traits in me with openness, love, caring, acceptance, understanding, kindness, gentleness and a new one, friendliness, as many times as I need to. 

I learned about friendships, for the first time in my life, through going to my weekly autism group. I learned to love the people there, especially my three friends who I sit with, and I loved them even more for their traits and their little peculiarities. That forced me to love and accept myself and to love myself even more for my traits and peculiarities. Because if my love for them was true and real, and I identified with them, then I must, if my love is true, therefore love and accept myself. And there was born in me my love for myself and the birth of self acceptance occurred shortly after. 

I didn’t start to fly from that day, but with the continued love and support of my friends on here and all the rest and my friends at my autism group, my support workers and the job centre etc, my family have all magically come back to me, as if I or they, have never been away and that period between me asking for the assessment until now, is what it is, it’s in the past. It’s just a lovely ball of nothingness, floating away like the morning mist. Leaving only love and even stronger family ties, although ironically, I still see less of them than I ever did before, but I feel closer to them and more appreciative of them than ever before and my veil of judgements, that I long held about them, are slowly lifting, to reveal the beautiful people that they actually are! 

Even Jesus was right. Know thyself, and the truth will set you free. Freedom is all I ever wanted. And freedom is what I got RelaxedPray tone3RelaxedTwo heartsSparkling heartRevolving heartsGift heart

Life is finally slowing down, to my pace, or maybe I’m just getting in synch with life and that life was always meant to be taken at this leisurely, easy pace, cultivating and expressing nothing but love, through the universal language of love. Words have power, as do thoughts, but thoughts and words of love, are the most powerful of all, despite appearances to the contrary sometimes. 

It’s not the villain who wins in the end, but the man who dares to live by love, and not hate and fear. 

Parents
  • So much written above and from OrinocoFlo and ElephantInTheRoom fits into my thought/experience and something that identifies me as an individual is where music strikes a chord (no pun intended).

    Always knowing I was different, enjoying my own company, interested in Engineering/Computer and happy with my worth then the brick wall came in 2017 (albeit to those who are aware of Autism/Aspergers the subtle signs were always there), with a few hedges to jump in 2009, 2011 and 2015.

    I love my music, listening to it as well as attending live events which I now understand is part of my escape mechanism from all those NT's that do not accept me as I am but think I should be one of them because I do not look different.

    • From the opening lyrics to Whitesnake's Here I go Again "I don't know where I am going but I sure know where I have been" shows that I look to the future but remembering everything about the past.

    • Then I was blown away by one American band on C4 The Tube in the early 80's and their first real chart hit "I am I'm Me" is my life every time I experience a set back.  "Who are you to look down at what I believe, I'm onto your thinking and how you deceive"

    • Plus others from various pop, rock, punk and dance artists that seem to be around at the time and be coincidental to the life event.

    For other adults with any condition, it is accepting what you have and who you are and finding the route to self appreciation.  Thus, understanding that you are a system (engineer speak) what slows you down/breaks your normal operation and working out how to fix/maintain that for your benefit and having others around you that help to keep you living your life as you please.

    NOTE - This may also apply to those with partners, parents and children.

    What I see is wonderful, as I am finding, is that there are so many of us on this journey, some at the start, some in the middle and others at their destination and happy to help build the independent trips for everyone and providing a learning experience all the time.

Reply
  • So much written above and from OrinocoFlo and ElephantInTheRoom fits into my thought/experience and something that identifies me as an individual is where music strikes a chord (no pun intended).

    Always knowing I was different, enjoying my own company, interested in Engineering/Computer and happy with my worth then the brick wall came in 2017 (albeit to those who are aware of Autism/Aspergers the subtle signs were always there), with a few hedges to jump in 2009, 2011 and 2015.

    I love my music, listening to it as well as attending live events which I now understand is part of my escape mechanism from all those NT's that do not accept me as I am but think I should be one of them because I do not look different.

    • From the opening lyrics to Whitesnake's Here I go Again "I don't know where I am going but I sure know where I have been" shows that I look to the future but remembering everything about the past.

    • Then I was blown away by one American band on C4 The Tube in the early 80's and their first real chart hit "I am I'm Me" is my life every time I experience a set back.  "Who are you to look down at what I believe, I'm onto your thinking and how you deceive"

    • Plus others from various pop, rock, punk and dance artists that seem to be around at the time and be coincidental to the life event.

    For other adults with any condition, it is accepting what you have and who you are and finding the route to self appreciation.  Thus, understanding that you are a system (engineer speak) what slows you down/breaks your normal operation and working out how to fix/maintain that for your benefit and having others around you that help to keep you living your life as you please.

    NOTE - This may also apply to those with partners, parents and children.

    What I see is wonderful, as I am finding, is that there are so many of us on this journey, some at the start, some in the middle and others at their destination and happy to help build the independent trips for everyone and providing a learning experience all the time.

Children
  • Yeah, music, the subtle signs, being me, where are we going etc etc ~ I can relate to all of that and yes, it's wonderful that we have places we can come together and meet up and help and support each other along the way because you're right, we are all at different stages but we still all have valuable insights and support etc that we can share with each other because it doesn't matter where on the journey we are, we are all and always will be, learning, and I've learned more about myself from coming here in the last 18 months than I have anywhere else! Peace V