Published on 12, July, 2020
I saw my health and wellbeing support worker from Reed yesterday. And something she said amazed me.
She had a colleague sitting in with her and she turned to him and said, that she loves seeing me because my passion for life inspires her and uplifts her to such a degree, that she feels amazing for days afterwards. She said it’s like she suddenly starts seeing all the good in the world and she finds herself enjoying herself more.
I couldn’t believe it. I’ve only seen her twice!
And both times, to my mind, I was anything but passionate about life! I thought I was rude to her. Both times. This is usual for me when I’m first in these kinds of situations. It takes me a few weeks just to know if I’m warming to them or not. I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid and that she clearly didn’t know me! ~ I don’t take any notice of these thoughts, by the way, meaning after the event, I know they’re not true. They are pretty standard and as far as I knew, this was the attitude I was displaying ~ that I didn’t want to be there, I hated it and her and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
How the hell did we go from that, to her thinking I was inspirational!!!!!
Honestly, I’m baffled. When I think I’m being nice and friendly, like at the church last week, when after only a few moments of talking to the minister, she suddenly, and to my mind, totally randomly, exploded and said she was going to walk right out of the church, hand in her resignation, because I had just destroyed everything she had ever believed in!!! I had no idea what I had said. The only thing I could remember saying, was, why don’t you kill your self. But that wasn’t as harsh as it sounds, out of context, so I know it wasn’t that, that upset her. If she was upset. I couldn’t tell. She confused the hell out of me ♀️. I couldn’t really work out what was going on.
I wonder if everyone sees me as the opposite of what I think I am? That’s weird!
Was she being sarcastic? I find myself constantly asking if somebody is being sarcastic if I've said something and not got the response I expected. I have a real problem determining what is an honest reply and what is sarcasm.
Yeah, same for me! I used to think that I had a reasonable understanding of sarcasm and knowing when people are joking but since diagnosis, if my husband says something and I think he's being serious and start getting annoyed, he now tells me that he was just joking and I've realised how often I think someone is speaking honestly when actually they are just joking.
You just hit the nail on the head, 3 hours ago I had a major meltdown at my husband and my neighbour for what they say was 'only joking', I've been off work for a while due to a disciplinary, long story and both my OH and neighbour joked about me watching Netflix, if anybody knows me I am 'always doing....' working crafting cleaning visiting my mum.. I hit the roof... my OH and neighbour both said " oh we were only joking", they know what I am going through and seem to find something funny in it???? I just didn't and don't get it. what really gets me though is that phrase 'Only joking', really?
I think it’s just one of the ways in which our brains are wired up. It’s one of the differing factors that differentiates us from none autistic people. But it’s not a negative. It’s what gives us the ability to enjoy the sheer pleasure of our own company and why we can get so passionate about things.
I’ve just come back from the stationary shop and the cashier, who helped me with my purchase, it turns out, her twin sister is autistic. And two of her nephews. When I started to talk about how amazing we are, she said, you’re right. She said she went to see her little nephew the other day, and he told her something like 73 facts about hamsters and he told her all about them. She said, before he started, she had no interest in hamsters whatsoever, but by the time he had finished, she said she loved them!
This is one of the amazing things about our self obsession. We can get stuck into really interesting things, that others pass by, but our passion for them, brings others in.
I’ve also signed this girl up for a mission I haven’t yet started! Although it seems I have now She said they have an employee who’s autistic and he’s amazing. She said he’s the best seller and best employee in the store! She’s so excited about autism now and I was able to answer some question she had regarding her sister. Prior to our conversation she had been worried about what would happen to her sister if she was ever not here, and now, she’s just the opposite. She’s excited for her, and our mission that I haven’t properly put together yet.