I saw my health and wellbeing support worker from Reed yesterday. And something she said amazed me.
She had a colleague sitting in with her and she turned to him and said, that she loves seeing me because my passion for life inspires her and uplifts her to such a degree, that she feels amazing for days afterwards. She said it’s like she suddenly starts seeing all the good in the world and she finds herself enjoying herself more.
I couldn’t believe it. I’ve only seen her twice!
And both times, to my mind, I was anything but passionate about life! I thought I was rude to her. Both times. This is usual for me when I’m first in these kinds of situations. It takes me a few weeks just to know if I’m warming to them or not. I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid and that she clearly didn’t know me! ~ I don’t take any notice of these thoughts, by the way, meaning after the event, I know they’re not true. They are pretty standard and as far as I knew, this was the attitude I was displaying ~ that I didn’t want to be there, I hated it and her and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
How the hell did we go from that, to her thinking I was inspirational!!!!!
Honestly, I’m baffled. When I think I’m being nice and friendly, like at the church last week, when after only a few moments of talking to the minister, she suddenly, and to my mind, totally randomly, exploded and said she was going to walk right out of the church, hand in her resignation, because I had just destroyed everything she had ever believed in!!! I had no idea what I had said. The only thing I could remember saying, was, why don’t you kill your self. But that wasn’t as harsh as it sounds, out of context, so I know it wasn’t that, that upset her. If she was upset. I couldn’t tell. She confused the hell out of me ♀️. I couldn’t really work out what was going on.
I wonder if everyone sees me as the opposite of what I think I am? That’s weird!
I'd guess may be the tone of voice you think sounds polite sounds rude to others and the tone of voice you think is rude sounds polite. I've known lots of autistic people that sound rude without meaning to but not the other way round. Perhaps there is also a difference between what you and others think is acceptable to talk about?
I know I am often taken the wrong way. People think I'm being rude or sarcastic when I thought what I said was perfectly fine. I find it hard to see the boundaries for jokes etc and often cross the line. People also see me as a confident person when in reality I'm really shy and have low self esteem, I'm just really loud.
Yeah, I’m used to people thinking I’m being rude, when I’m talking normal, but like you said, not the other way round!
To me, everything’s acceptable to talk about. I think it’s plain weird that some people rule out some things as not being acceptable to talk about. I have few filters!
Yeah, I know what you mean about feeling insecure etc yet coming across as confident. I think that was what helped me build my confidence. People thought I was, so I kind of began to take on that identity until eventually I really was confident. I’m loud as well, maybe this is a sign of confidence to other people?!?
I wonder if your lack of filter is part of it. Some people get irritated by it but others see it as fresh because you just say it how it is?
I think loudness is seen as a sign of confidence but also I'm quite opinionated and I only back down if there is proof that I'm wrong. I think this can be seen as confident whereas I see it more as why would I change my mind if there's no evidence of why I should. I do listen to other people's opinions but I don't think my replys always show this. They often start with yes but.
Yes, definitely ~ some people will do anything to avoid looking at the truth and so they will only talk about certain things ~ so when somebody comes along and talks about those said things, they have to shut that person up somehow, lest they should be forced to face the truth. So they will often times say things like, shut up you’re irritating me or I don’t want to talk about that, etc etc. It’s a sure fire clue that, the person is not willing to face certain things in their life. Now I understand that, I do back off from people when it happens, because I’ve realised that nobody wants to be pushed to face the truth, they have to do that in their own time. Nobody likes being woken up from their actual slumber and it’s the same with their denial of reality, they don’t want to be woken from that so abruptly.
I also used to have opinions, until I realised they were just that and that if anything, they only thing they did was hurt me, limit me,divide people and force them to think in terms of right and wrong, so I ditched any opinions I had, became more open and now I either know something or I don’t, and it sure has made life much more peaceful, kind and it does away with right and wrong of any kind completely, because let’s face it, there isn’t a person on this planet who has any authority over right and wrong