I saw my health and wellbeing support worker from Reed yesterday. And something she said amazed me.
She had a colleague sitting in with her and she turned to him and said, that she loves seeing me because my passion for life inspires her and uplifts her to such a degree, that she feels amazing for days afterwards. She said it’s like she suddenly starts seeing all the good in the world and she finds herself enjoying herself more.
I couldn’t believe it. I’ve only seen her twice!
And both times, to my mind, I was anything but passionate about life! I thought I was rude to her. Both times. This is usual for me when I’m first in these kinds of situations. It takes me a few weeks just to know if I’m warming to them or not. I thought her ideas were ridiculous and stupid and that she clearly didn’t know me! ~ I don’t take any notice of these thoughts, by the way, meaning after the event, I know they’re not true. They are pretty standard and as far as I knew, this was the attitude I was displaying ~ that I didn’t want to be there, I hated it and her and I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
How the hell did we go from that, to her thinking I was inspirational!!!!!
Honestly, I’m baffled. When I think I’m being nice and friendly, like at the church last week, when after only a few moments of talking to the minister, she suddenly, and to my mind, totally randomly, exploded and said she was going to walk right out of the church, hand in her resignation, because I had just destroyed everything she had ever believed in!!! I had no idea what I had said. The only thing I could remember saying, was, why don’t you kill your self. But that wasn’t as harsh as it sounds, out of context, so I know it wasn’t that, that upset her. If she was upset. I couldn’t tell. She confused the hell out of me ♀️. I couldn’t really work out what was going on.
I wonder if everyone sees me as the opposite of what I think I am? That’s weird!
I think what the support worker said to you is amazing, you should be proud
It’s not that, it’s how did she get that impression? I honestly thought I was rude to her, blunt, I didn’t want to be there, I’m a right *** when I go there, it’s not uncommon for me to act like a spoilt brat (outwardly) and I was, with her ~ or so I thought!?!?!? I thought I was horrible to her. Then when I thought I was being nice to the minister, she went crazy!
It’s still sinking in that most people really haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about. This is starting to feel like the peeling back of the onion skin. But somehow, these support workers, seem to be able to decipher what I’m saying, which I think is a mixed up load of nothing, and they come up with these genius plans and then they go and say these very weird things.
The second time I met the woman, as I was walking out, she said something that felt so profound that it struck me hard (I wrote about this on here). I was thinking I’m going to rip this stupid piece of paper up, what she gave me, and thinking all sorts of angry stuff about her, then she said that thing and I was stopped still. It turned out to be just what I needed to hear, but not in the way she meant it.
They never fail to amaze me. To me, they’re like magicians. But I guess it’s easy stuff to them. That’s why I’m going to them for help. But it still feels like magic to me.