These are not all original t o me but here goes ....
In the supermarket they sell bottles of liquid labelled "Still water". At what stage will it cease to still be water.
And talking of water, one brand says it has percolated and been filtered through rock for thousands oof years before being bottled. Good job they bottled it when they did as its best before date is only in a months time.
What does an occasional table become when it is not a table.
Who did the first person who bought a telephone want to ring?
Where did the first person who bought a car buy petrol from? Or who did the first filling station sell petrol to?
How many people died eating poisonous mushrooms and berries before they knew which ones were ok to eat?
There are many more, so what are other contributors favourites?
Supermarket meat (especially chicken) often has added water "for extra Succulence." Not only does it make a grotty, milky residue in the pan, but it means you get effectively less meat because it's sold by weight.
That couldn't possibly be the real reason for adding the water, could it? :-(
OrinocoFlo said:That couldn't possibly be the real reason for adding the water, could it? :-(
Same as adding Fat to Pork, and Sugar to everything else. Ever noticed how, when Water/Fat/Sugar is added to something then the Price of it is cheaper? "Reformed" Meat is the absolute worst...
...As if back to the main topic - "Reformed" Meat may suggest that it has spent some time in a correctional facillity having had Water added in order to make it less likely to go out and steal money from banks or wallets anymore... which is why it is cheaper to buy.
"Fortified" Foods are those which have had something added in order to make them stronger against being rinsed off easily once they have decided to dry onto your cutlery harder than concrete. (I mentioned that upon another Thread.)
"Unsweetened" Foods are those which charming and congenial people cannot tolerate, (like Raw Vegetables,) which is why they are not as popular to the masses, and not so much used as Party Food due to not being sweet and/or "nice" to everyone there.
(I would post more, but I must end this post or else it may disappear...!)
"Man-size tissues". You get them out of the box, and they're definitely not.
Reminds me that I've also been puzzling for decades over an advertisement for 'personal sized pizza'. It seems the first word must be modifying the second, but it's an adjective, not an adverb. 'Personally-sized' pizza would be sized for you by a person, but I don't think it's that. To make it grammatical it should probably be 'person-sized pizza'.
I'm infuriated by people on escalators not attending to the rule 'dogs must be carried'. Almost no one using the escalator is carrying a dog.
What's the opposite of 'visible'? What's the opposite of 'flammable'?
Fireworks giving financial advice: 'light blue touchpaper and retire immediately.' Or there were some instructions on food labelling about 'stand upright in boiling water'.
Going more extreme, am I the only one who when facing an ordinary sink, with taps marked in red and blue, is disappointed that they don't dispense red and blue water?
Denis Norden complained on Radio 4 of suffering 'literalism'. Somewhere in the archive there must be dozens of things like the headline 'police seek three armed men' or
He tells of being on the fifth floor of a department store and feeling the call of nature. Locating the loo, he was shocked to see a sign there with an arrow pointing downward and reading 'Out of order. Use floor below.'
Another time, he recalled seeing what he described as most disturbing signage in a do-it-yourself home improvement store. Affixed to a wooden cabinet of considerable size, it read “Put this up yourself!”
At work - in an autism day centre, mind - we have signs in the toilets that read as follows:
Please do not flush anything other than toilet paper down the toilet.
At a workshop I once went to, the autism expert leading it told us about a special school for autistic children she once visited in (I think) Romania. She noticed that all the fire alarm buttons had little flap covers over them. She asked why this was, and a teacher lifted one to show her. Around the button was written 'Press Here'. Apparently, each morning when the children arrived, quite a few of them took that message literally!
I don't want a Disabled Toilet. I want one that works.
'Wheelchair-accessible toilet' is nice and clear.
OMG. Any accidents? How can you rephrase?
Please do not flush anything other than poo, liquids and toilet paper down the toilet.
(Edit: ha, even evaded the censor.)
Strange how piss always gets through, but not s**t...
Cassandro said:'Wheelchair-accessible toilet' is nice and clear.
But not all disabilities are visible!