Random thoughts from home

These are not all original t o me but here goes ....

In the supermarket they sell bottles of liquid labelled "Still water".  At what stage will it cease to still be water.

And talking of water, one brand says it has percolated and been filtered  through rock for thousands oof years before being bottled. Good job they bottled it when they did as its best before date is only in a months time.

What does an occasional table become when it is not a table.

Who did the first person who bought a telephone want to ring?

 Where did the first person who bought a car buy petrol from? Or who  did the first filling station sell petrol to?

How many people died eating poisonous mushrooms and berries before they knew which ones were ok to eat?

There are many more, so what are other contributors favourites?

  • This has been hysterical, such a good laugh, just what I needed and it even cleared up some life long confusions for me! Thank you, I really enjoyed reading this Ok hand tone3

  • Poor old Bill.  They won't leave him alone.  Him and his mate Bill Posters...

  • Mm.  Bad syntax.  Misplaced modifiers, etc.

    You hear it an awful lot on the Today programme on Radio 4 - and on the Radio 4 news in general.  Things like:

    'The trial began today of the six men accused of taking part in the Kent bullion raid in Maidstone County Court.'

    Strange place to keep bullion...

  • I very very often see People walking their Dogs in gardens right next to the Sign saying "NO DOGS EXCEPT GUIDE DOGS". 

    And there is the age-old sign "NO BALL GAMES", which of course means the exact opposite.

    And then those signs saying "NO CYCLING", at which it is difficult to resist the urge to take out a Marker Pen and add: "Unless you are aged Under Eighteen."...     (...Rant !  )

  • I was depressed. Reading this thread has really cheered me up.  Thanks.

  • Ha! I tried posting that one, but it wouldn't upload.  How strange!

  • There used to a sign on Brighton beach which said 'Do Not Throw Stones At This Notice.'

  • Love the smart casual definition.

    Went out yesterday to pick up a bottle of dry white wine. It was that dry the bottle was empty! 

    What ARE buffalo wings? Lol

  • S'mores from myself, here...

    Smart Casual - Clothing which has at least one PHD but can be worn by anyone, qualified or not.

    Wholemeal Bread - Only if Meat and Vegetables were added to it.

    Pasty - When Cooked or Toasted, the complexion is no longer so pale, else it should be renamed a "Tanned" Pasty.

    Coated Fish - I am just glad that they are not wearing coats made of Nylon or Polyester.

    Finger food, Fish Fingers, Ladies' Fingers - ...a bit obvious, these ones ...!

    Crisp or Light... Drinks - If a liquid is crunchy, then it is not a liquid. Also, Light means nothing if one checks the Weight or Serving - A Litre of a "Light" drink is just as heavy to me as a Litre of anything else.

    NUTTY. - This is in capitals since, watch out, this is my taking the opportunity to "rant" a little! This really annoys me, that whenever something cannot be described, even by experts, they say that it has a "nutty" taste. Wines and Foreign Foods (to the East) are usually targeted for this. Squid is "nutty". Sherry is "nutty". Shark Meat is "nutty". Watch any T.V. Programme where they are doing a food-tasting, and see how much the word "nutty" is used. (It registers as bland but must be described anyway... so it has a "nutty" taste? Eat less pungent foods, I say!)

    ...End of Rant. Please no jokes about this Post being "nutty", though, Thanks...    ;-)  

  • Sometimes phrases can be arranged in such a way as they are totally ambiguous, and can be construed (especially to an Aspie like me!) to mean the complete opposite of that intended.

    I've heard people say things like "We can't have too many ...." which depending how it is interpreted could mean that "We don't want any more" or "We have an insatiable need".

    Another example I noticed in the 'Terms and  Conditions" of the Snowdon Mountain Railway (yes, I am one of those souls who does read such notices .. or is it that certain things stand out?) which says "The train will only depart with fewer than nine passengers at the discretion of the guard'.  I immediately interpreted this as saying that if the train had more than nine passengers the guard could insist it did not depart, and thought it was a strange thing to say.   It took a long time to realise that it really meant that the train would not depart with fewer than nine passengers if the guard did not feel it was in the interests of the company.

    One of the pleasures of being autistic!

  • 'Wheelchair-accessible toilet' is nice and clear.

    Yes ... but it is not only for those with wheelchairs.  It does puzzle me though as it is not the toilet that is disabled.

  • Some things are described in pairs:  A pair of trousers, or a pair of scissors.  What does one trouser or one scissor look like? (When I was at school we also had a 'pair of compasses' but that seems these days to have transmogrified into a 'compass')  We also had a 'pair of dividers' so what did one divider look like in this case.

    I also remember being told I was 'next to an idiot'.  I didn't think this was a polite way to talk of my friend.

    Also, in places that provide accommodation for eating food, it often says 'customers must not eat their own food'.  I don't think a customer would appreciate me going and taking their food ...

  • 'Wheelchair-accessible toilet' is nice and clear.

    But not all disabilities are visible!

  • Strange how piss always gets through, but not s**t...

  • 'Wheelchair-accessible toilet' is nice and clear.

    At work - in an autism day centre, mind - we have signs in the toilets that read as follows:
    Please do not flush anything other than toilet paper down the toilet.

    OMG. Any accidents? How can you rephrase?

    Please do not flush anything other than poo, liquids and toilet paper down the toilet.

    (Edit: ha, even evaded the censor.)

  • I don't want a Disabled Toilet.  I want one that works.