Published on 12, July, 2020
These are not all original t o me but here goes ....
In the supermarket they sell bottles of liquid labelled "Still water". At what stage will it cease to still be water.
And talking of water, one brand says it has percolated and been filtered through rock for thousands oof years before being bottled. Good job they bottled it when they did as its best before date is only in a months time.
What does an occasional table become when it is not a table.
Who did the first person who bought a telephone want to ring?
Where did the first person who bought a car buy petrol from? Or who did the first filling station sell petrol to?
How many people died eating poisonous mushrooms and berries before they knew which ones were ok to eat?
There are many more, so what are other contributors favourites?
One for the botanists amongst you ...
Sometimes I think of a house I used to live in with Woody Nightshade growing at the bottom of the garden. Such Bittersweet memories ....
(If you don't 'get it', look up the alternative names for Woody Nightshade. Just a pun, but I am a great fan of puns!)
This is a very funny thread indeed and brought much needed smiles (I have been helping my husband edit a job application and it has made my head hurt).
I am very glad that you revived this thread as I think it was before my time. Sometimes I search back through old threads as there are some treasures like this to be found!
This is a Five Month Old Thread... but it is one of my favourites of 2018 (After the 'Did anything good happen today? Threads.)...
Waaay up near the start, I mentioned the TV Channel "Dave". Here, now, is my current list of what they put n there, in similar humour to this Thread...
This is a Five Month Old Thread... but it is one of my own favourites of 2018 (After the 'Did anything good happen today? Threads.)... and so I still think about it from time to time. Why did it end...?!
--- Anyway, Waaay up near the start, I mentioned the TV Channel "Dave". Here, now, is my current list of what they put on there, in similar humour to this Thread.
DAVE Quotes. (Maybe inexact in punctuation or wording... but please do have many "groans" or 'eye-rolling' ready in advance...)
Everyday you forget which direction the Sun rises. But then it dawns on you.
Afraid of Hurdles? Get over it.
If you want to start up a Company and run it, then that's your own Business.
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If you rearrange the Letters in "Royal Mail", you'll get them annoyed at you.
Are you still watching? Tick: Yes / No.
...Ad Break Buffering / Loading...
Do Chickens use Fowl Language?
Irony. Is the opposite of Crease-y.
Toasters were originally called "Tanning Breads".
When you get your first job as a Bouncer, it's a foot in the door.
Zebras look just like zebra crossings - How much of a coincidence is that?
Do lumberjacks keep a Log Book?
Rock and Roll would make terrible foundations for a whole City.
If you don't like the new plastic Notes, it's time for a change.
We've been accused of plagiarism. Their words, not ours.
If you're watching this on CatchUp TV, then what's the future like?
(...With regards to the Channel being called "Dave", they ask: How come no-one has ever named their Child "Award Winning Comedy Channel"? ...and they claim: Price guarantee. Cheaper than other TV channels called 'Dave'.)
End of My list of Quotes! More will occur, from them, of course, in due course....But I wanted to say that this is(/was) one of the best Threads of 2018, and anyone looking for some relief or laughter, do read through the whole Thread with pictures, Please. And Happy New Year from myself. (Chinese Year of the Boar, upcoming!)...
Greetings... This Thread is running out of steam, maybe...?
Did anyone know, with regards to Bathing, that it is possible to buy both "Sea Spa Salts" and "Salted Sea Spa Salts"? Perhaps this is like buying Wheat with "added Wheat", or Orange Juice with "Real Fruit Juice Added".
Also, last week, I myself realised the real difference between Red Fish (Salmon, Mackeral, Tuna, etc.) and White Fish (Cod, Haddock, Plaice, etc.)... Red Fish comes in Tins, and most White fish does not. Haddock sometimes is in tins, however, but Cod is only Tinned as ROE, which must be very inconvenient for the Fish whilst it is still swimming about in the Sea...
...Also, Pink Salmon and Red Salmon can be differentiated by one of them having a Ring-Pull upon the Tin where the other does not. By the same token, Sardines are born with a Ring-Pull Tin, but when they grow into Pilchards a Can-Opener is needed. Nature can be so cruel... (!)
Oh, you must have literally died with laughter.
The innuendo of this must have been known even at the time of the advertising sign.
Revision guides from a company called CGP. Cause total confusion amongst teenagers! As does the actual concept of revision....
Bottled water labelled as suitable for vegetarians and vegans. When did they take the cow out?
Apologies for these. They are genuine signs (although you can buy replicas of the 'Shorthouse' one on amazon. The Public Convenience sign is (or was) in Church Stretton, although I have seen similar juxtapositions in other places.
Edit...Honestly, I was only joking, there...*sniffle*... about the "No Par King" thing? Sort of like "Burger King". I could have also detailed about "No waiting" or "No standing" or "No Eating Smelly Food" Notices, yet that would have been too long a Post. And I am not certain if those have been mentioned yet. (!)
...Might "No Loading" mean that Internet Access is resricted in that area between times? ;-/
Disambiguating Cynosure said:...Hope that clears up any confusion for anyone!
Not at all. Much more confused. Thanks.
Greetings again...Considering that these signs are in various forms all over the U.K., I would more have thought them to be some sort of Goverment-Funded challenge to dare more people to take up playing Golf.
'No Parking Here' or 'No Parking Available', are the most common variants. However, should any Golfing Areas be oversubscribed, then they advertise 'No Parking between ~~~ Times'.But if they gain too many very good players, then they say 'Parking Full'. Finally, You can always tell when Parkings are being tested, because a Flag is in the Hole, even during heavy Rain, and there may be signs saying 'Parking Available between ~~~ Hours'.
...Hope that clears up any confusion for anyone!
There is a village in Cornwall, in the heart of the China Clay industry, where they obviously are going to have a referendum as to whether they should have a monarch or not Many times on the road there are signs objecting to this. The village is called 'Par' and the signs say 'No Parking' (no Par King') (Sorry, I made that story up, so groan as much as you like ...!)
I was driving through rural Shropshire, near Bishops Castle, and saw a sign which looked like a place name. And what a strange place name it was. It said, I thought, 'Still Apples'. All sorts of origins for the name were processed through my complex organic computer. And above the place name was a sign which indicated the speed limit was 30mph.
It took seeing the sign another three times to finally understand what the sign meant. It said 'Still Applies', referring to the 30mph sign. I often laugh about it!
Disambiguating Cynosure said:This really annoys me, that whenever something cannot be described, even by experts, they say that it has a "nutty" taste.
A ladybird flew into my mouth once. I can only describe that as having a 'nutty' taste, but not a very pleasant nutty taste either.
The old ones are the best ... and I am so old it was quite new when it was first told ...
That is an old one. I read that in the book ' Cider with Rosie'.
In a sense, he is very much an "Aspie character". The cartoonist has said that Mr. Logic was inspired by his own brother, who was later diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I've never found out quite how the brother feels about this!
When I first discovered the Viz comic in my youth, I found the Mr. Logic very funny, but I was well aware that I was laughing at myself as much as the character!
(...I am only jealous here that others are handier with Posting Camera Pictures than I am...!)
...There is a lot of this sort of japery upon "Health Foods"; Brands I recall are "Innocent" (as shown), "Naked", and "Rude Health". (Their designers are in a good mood until the establishment spots it and steps in...)
Main from myself, Just one thing for Posting today, though... is TV ADVERTS which warn: ALWAYS KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN. ( I say Yes, Please, but easier said than done!) :-)
Lol....