I really just need to vent this out and anyone have any feedback or input would be fantastic
Im currently 18 and I came out as a trans guy 2 years ago and I found out that I might be autistic last year but went into denial... and only in the last few weeks have I come to realise that my whole entire life makes sense and that I am indeed so. I am making steps to get diagnosed. As with the fixation on Autism reseach (leant its why I become so fixated on topics!) I became fixated on the topic of being trans 2 years ago... like really focused. It began when I was looking to work out my sexuality because I hadn’t had any interest in relationships and all that. I leart that I am asexual which lead to leaning of gender. Now, I had always felt different and like there was “something” and to be truthful befor this discovery I hadn’t given gender or mine much thought at all. I became fixated and did hours upon hours of research which lead to a question “Am I transgender?”. I asked myself this many times and went up and down through confusion, denial and just well feelings. I eventually said I was and then proceeded to go through being male then to non binary identities and so on until... I realised/decided (Who knows) that I was indeed a trans guy. I thought this was the something, the answer. So through the following months I went through yet more confusion and changed until I decided to come out. So thats the back story if you like...
I used to see CAMHS services and it was there my counsellor first put to me “Have you considered that youre autistic?” Which as above mentioned sent me into a fixation. It was me. So Im working on accecpting that and this leads to my question/thing.
After I re thought about all of this recently I couldn’t help asking myself “Am I not trans and the something is being autistic?” And “did I just hyperfixte myself into that?”
Now im left wondering how gender and being autistic goes and what does this mean? I prefer being seen as male in ways and he/him etc but just I dont honestly feel like I really have a connection to gender. Just makes me question ya know?
I am seeing the GIC and its making me question transition? Just argh.
Anyone else had some experiences with gender?
Im so confused with all this and stuff.
Thank you in advance
I think anything can become a 'special interest' but i don't think that means it isn't valid. I have done some research myself on gender and sexuality a few years ago. I am female but don't particularly feel like it. And i think it's likely i'm Asexual. I'm sure you've already found this site, but it had lots of information that others reading this thread might find useful: https://www.asexuality.org/ I don't feel at all qualified to comment on transitioning but i guess just take your time with every decision. I have seen a few threads here on this sort of topic, so i do think there could be a link between Autism and not quite fitting conventional gender labels.