Published on 12, July, 2020
As someone autistic, I know how vulnerable I can be at times.
I have to think hard to understand that things may not be as they seem.
There have been posts here recently about 'friendship' and dating. From a general point of view there are several things to look out for where others could take advantage of autistic traits. And one of them is someone who says they are neurotypical but are looking for someone autistic.
This begs the question 'Why?' I think we would all be very suspicious of a middle aged man who said he wanted to meet girls of thirteen or fourteen. It woujld immediately send alarm bells ringing. And by the same token we should be very wary if someone says they are neurotypical and then wishes to make friends with and date autistic people. My thoughts of this that spring to mind are that it may be someone who wishes to take advantage of autistic naiivity, someone who wants to lead us gradually to places we are not comfortable. Add to the mix the first thing they say is that they want to see pictures of us and we are getting into very dangerous territory if we are not careful.
Our details could be shared with any number of strangers, the word could get out of our vulnerabilities which have been coaxed out of us and this used by any number of people to exploit us. And just because someone says they live in Birmingham or Manchester or wherever, does not mean it is true. It could be to lead us into a false sense of security,
And then there are the 'hard-luck' stories. Who can forget the 'Nigerian' emails of a few years ago where untold riches were promised in return for a sum of money to release funds. And then the emails purporting to be from a bank. Such things are getting more and more sophisticated. We could give our details to any number of people who want to exploit us through befriending just one person.
Several years ago an email which purported to be from a loved one, saying they were trapped in a foreign country and needed money immediately to get home. The address was got from harvesting addresses from a friends computer. And I have suspicions that befriending some of these people might also lead to such hard luck stories or similar.
It is very difficult to tell who is genuine and who is not but we should all be very careful. I know it is difficult to say that all posts asking for dating should be removed. But I believe this should be done in order to protect us. This forum should not be a dating site. And none of us should reveal personal details to anyone until we are absolutely certain that someone is bona fide. To do otherwise could have tragic consequences.
The following song is quite relevant:
Add me by Chumbawamba
I agree with Ellie. There are days when I feel almost invincible - like I can take on the world. These are usually days, though, when I don't need to have much human contact. After a day around people, I'm often left feeling tired, inferior, stupid.... and vulnerable.
I'm a whole week now without my go-to 'panacea', alcohol. Strangely, it was yesterday - a day off, with low anxiety, feeling relaxed - when it really hit me. I went out last night on the feeble pretext of buying some cat litter freshening powder - and found myself (my true pretext) in the alcohol aisle comparing prices of wines and beers. I picked up some bottles. Then I decided to go in an offie on the way home. And then, finally, I bought a bottle of Coke! I then got home and sat down to watch a film, which took the thoughts away. I'm glad I did that, because this morning I feel fresh - not hung over.
I'm going to consider getting some CBD oil to see if it'll work for the anxiety - even if just as a placebo. That anxiety is pretty much all rooted in social activity. Sometimes, I just get this overwhelming feeling that something bad is going to happen - is bound to happen. Like Joseph K in Kafka, and often sit awaiting the knock on the door.
We help one another here. I prattle on as much as anyone. But even just sitting here writing this makes me feel more grounded.
Good morning Tom.
Anxiety - hypervigilance, performance anxiety, sensory overload, the fear of being in an overwhelming and unpredictable environment (i.e "out there" with the variables of people, situations and the unknown) requires you to nurture yourself and find those safe places to simply "be". When those safe places get disrupted or the routine of having those spaces and that time is disrupted it can also cause great angst.
“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” ― Franz Kafka
Charles Bukowski
(That last bit is, of course, optional!)
(...and I've no idea why the text is so huge. I tried reducing it in Word, then cutting and pasting - but to no avail!)