Loneliness

:(

I didn't explain myself very well. What I meant is that giving medication for loneliness is like putting a bandage on a festering wound without cleaning it first. The underlying cause of the illness is still there (i.e. being alone).

I know what you mean about the bullying thing. I recently went through yet another situation in which I was bullied at work, and of course nobody was on my side, and in fact many sided with the bully against me, even though some of his acts of gross misconduct were caught on video! They just were not willing to believe that I was an ok person and that maybe the bully wasn't such an ok person. I think that was the worst thing, even worse than the bullying itself: the fact that I am no longer there and everyone is under the impression that it is because of something I did wrong.

I like your taste!

I watched most of the hearing on C-SPAN. The thing that astonished me was how afraid the senate seemed to really lay into him and get to the meat of the questioning. They tip-toed around him like he was some high ranked diplomat. I've seen Bernake and Greenspan treated with far less caution than Zuckerberg, they were the head of the fed at the time.

The only real relevant and aggressive line of questioning that I saw took was from the Kentucky senator. He pressed him on the user agreement and that is where the problem lies. The only problem was he asked him "The user agreement should be written in English and not Swahili", this has been spun into some nonsense about racism. The questions being asked were the real meaty ones. The press have spun this into deflection using racism as a strawman. If the senator would have said "The user agreement should be written in English and Hokkien" I wouldn't have been offended. The press however found a way to blind the truth with "newspeak".

I can't see him running for president. He seems more suited to a shadowy presence. I read Facebooks user agreement a fair few years ago and it said that things posted and uploaded were then considered as Facebook's "intellectual property". A very ambiguous and malleable term legally. I never considered signing up for Facebook after that day. That was the first and last time I considered it.

I think the whole issue of what is posted there also indicates how nefarious things can be. I think some users are "allowed" to post these things for the explicit purpose of having "dirt" on people, or information, data or media that can be used against them. Also public outrage, anger and a difference of view can be used against certain groups. How many terrorist videos have been uploaded and left for everyone to see? I saw videos of vicious attacks against LGBT people in Russia, they were linked to whole anti-LGBT groups pages. Facebook seems to like hatred and groups that go with the agenda they want people to follow. It actually differs from country to country. Sometimes right-wing, sometimes left-wing, sometimes racist, sometimes homophobic. They seem to silence according to the dynamic of the country or community, or according to what they want to see happen with those things. For instance Facebook literally have an office inside the Filipino state surveillance building, I wouldn't he surprised if it's more of a problem than we think. Corporations and governments shouldn't share buildings. There's a name for that Corporatocracy, but that's just a new word for Mussolinis version of Facism.

I know people who have reported things to Facebook and nothing has been done at all. Things that are illegal. Animal cruelty being on that list.

I just wouldn't use it. It's literally like opting into being watched by a surveillance shadow organisation. Even if your data isn't being used directly against you, it's being used for all kinds of things that you would flat out refuse to give information for if it was directly being asked by the ultimate users of that information.

Ok, I'm done, I'm going to my room.

Thank you everyone for your support

Christmas was a nightmare, I hated family gatherings and used to cry myself to sleep, without the family knowing, feeling so low and ashamed.  It was so intense, now I know I have autism I can understand why.  Sleep was one way of coping but these family parties went onto late, then when I reached my forties, I had enough and when everyone talks of family gatherings at Christmas, I just want to hibernate.  I can put up with crowds to some degree but there are times when I hate being put on the spot and feel absolutely awkward.

I don't blame you, despite being the elder, you are entitled to a little bit of peace and quiet, we were taught to respect our older folks, especially my Nan's quiet times, which I liked, when she had her forty winks.  Perhaps your husband will join you, if he understands?  Forty winks meant that my Grandma wanted a short nap after lunch and we had to be quiet,  Even as teens we respected that space, especially in her house, however my Nan did like a good party as she aged, which I hated.

Yes I will end up in there, but I am meant to be the elder here, well husband and i.

Sending loves and hugs to you, is there anywhere else you could go and do you have your own room?  

I'm hiding in the bathroom at the moment with my kindle fire talking to you all.

Thank you Martian Tom.

So if I post to much or am writing utter rubbish just forgive me please everyone

Yes, is there anywhere you can find your own personal space, is it your family or friends,  I would put some strong barriers around you, you deserve some respect and understanding.  Sometimes you will find you are not the only ones who feel the same way, the brash and noisy people need to respect the gentler quieter friends.  

I'm alone now and am feeling settled after getting back from shops full of people.

I often feel a relief after getting back from shops full of people.

Hang in there, Song.  I know that feeling, and it's horrible.  I'm alone now and am feeling settled after getting back from shops full of people. 

Keep in touch through the evening, if you can.

That's alright just celebrated my 52nd birthday with a friend who's in his eighties, listening whilst I knitted and crocheted alternatively. I am going to an Autistic Support group for the first time on Monday and am a bit apprehensive.

I find this to be horrible feeling. Being around people and feeling lonely.

And if I cannot leave and go somewhere else, I panic.

My knitting goes everywhere I go, glad it's not just me. Counting counting all the time.

Sorry for my mini rant.

I feel the same at family gatherings and used to take a book with me, my Auntie could never understand why,  I also felt upset and cried at parties too, even at weddings. I used to try and find some nice quiet space.  I loved going out into the garden on a fine day and just sitting by myself.  Now I know why and need not feel so ashamed and so do my family, now I have a diagnosis and can notice that some of the little ones have these traits and can come and sit quietly with  me.  I take my knitting and crochet along.

I feel very lonely right now. We have family over so there are 11 people in the house instead of the normal 5, it's loud and smelly, some one is wearing a very strong perfume or aftershave. Very soon food will arrive, they are having Indian and some of them will have meat in their meal.  I want to die.

Not all autistic people have carers, some of us have survived independently with or without support and only been diagnosed recently due to anxiety and stress problems and I am still alone and having to cope but with a better understanding of myself. 

Because when you become lonely, you become sad and depressed and in the end it leads to mental health issues as in my case, when you can't face life because of the pain.  I was put on them initially when I became moderately depressed working in a factory where I felt isolated and alone.  There is also a report that states that autistic people can have secondary mental health problems and take their own lives or self harm because of misunderstandings and loneliness.  Loneliness is a killer, especially if no one is around who is on the same wave length, in my case I was bullied at work.