Loneliness

For me, loneliness varies widely.

I can be totally alone at home all day.  Not speaking to anyone.  Yet not feel lonely.

At other times I'm surrounded by people, all communicating, but I feel completely alone and very very lonely.

School was a loneliness nightmare.  Children all around me.  But I was totally alone year after year 

Yesterday I felt almost ok.  Heard a sad song on the radio and suddenly the loneliness hit me.

  • I identify, Robert.  I often feel more alone at work, surrounded by people who are ignoring me, than I do at home on my own.  School was the same, too.

    It's funny, too, how small things can catch me out.  After my divorce, I got on with my life quite well.  Although I still felt love for my ex-wife, whom I no longer had any contact with, I felt more settled as a single person.  One day about 6 months later, thinking of nothing in particular, I was driving with Classic FM on.  Suddenly, a piece of music came on that we'd had played at our wedding: Faure's 'Cantique de Jean Racine.'  On impulse, I switched it off.  Then I had to pull over.  I was in bits.

    13 years later - last Saturday, in fact - I was going through YouTube, as I often do, looking for nice music to play.  I happened upon Annie Lennox's 'No More I Love Yous'.  This was a song I'd played a lot in the year after my divorce - usually when I'd had a few drinks - and would invariably end up in tears.  Now, in the light of no longer having my mum, it takes on an extra poignancy.  I played it... and was soon in tears.  It occurred to me that there really is no one left on earth to say 'I love you' to me - or even just to think it. 

  • I know what you mean. I have to avoid listening to music sometimes because i can't cope with the emotions it creates. I suppose i don't mind being on my own as such but it's when people deliberately exclude you that it can be upsetting (such as school or work).

  • I can be totally alone at home all day.  Not speaking to anyone.  Yet not feel lonely.

    At other times I'm surrounded by people, all communicating, but I feel completely alone and very very lonely.

    so, is loneliness the issue or just the realisation of the gulf of “not belonging”... feeling seperate from others, the awareness of “difference”... mind the gap!? 

  • Glad Tidings to Mr. Math-Photographer...
    Because it is your good self, I shall Post some things here, and see how they are received.

    Positive Aspects to Feeling Lonely (Some of my own):

    - I am on my own, and do not have to worry about malicious people taking pictures or throwing things at me.
    - I can listen to cheery and rousing Music (on Headphones), and maybe dance around to it, & No-one gets in my way.
    - I can sing out-of-tune, or practise my Foreign Languages out loud... & No-one can tell me off for making mistakes, thus I can improve my skills in peace.
    - I sit upon the front-right of the Upper Deck of a Bus when travelling, and when another Bus with the same number passes in the opposite direction, I can wave and pretend that that other Driver is waving at me.
    - I can watch endless repeats of Top Gear, The A-Team, Pokemon, and My Little Pony... without worrying that someone else is coming in to tell me off for this or for changing channels during the advert-breaks.
    - I can splash into puddles (clean, of course) and take pictures of Rainbows or of Sunsets, without worrying over other people thinking that I am splashing them or taking pictures of them instead.

    ...Hopefully anyone reading gets what I am saying, here? ...<> I do not "live in my own world", yet it is grand to consider oneself outwards, every now and then. I could put more, but this is long enough already. Fair Play to Anyone reading...

  • It is the same with me.

    I can be totally alone at home all day. Not speaking to anyone. Yet not feel lonely.

    At other times I'm surrounded by people, all communicating, but I feel completely alone and very very lonely as I do not fit in.

    School was a loneliness nightmare. Children all around me. I was formal. But I was totally alone year after year. I had no friends.

  • Positive Aspects to Feeling Lonely (Some of my own):

    - I am on my own, and do not have to worry about malicious people taking pictures or throwing things at me.
    - I can listen to cheery and rousing Music (on Headphones), and maybe dance around to it, & No-one gets in my way.
    - I can sing out-of-tune, or practise my Foreign Languages out loud... & No-one can tell me off for making mistakes, thus I can improve my skills in peace.
    - I sit upon the front-right of the Upper Deck of a Bus when travelling, and when another Bus with the same number passes in the opposite direction, I can wave and pretend that that other Driver is waving at me.
    - I can watch endless repeats of Top Gear, The A-Team, Pokemon, and My Little Pony... without worrying that someone else is coming in to tell me off for this or for changing channels during the advert-breaks.
    - I can splash into puddles (clean, of course) and take pictures of Rainbows or of Sunsets, without worrying over other people thinking that I am splashing them or taking pictures of them instead.

    ...Hopefully anyone reading gets what I am saying, here? ...<> I do not "live in my own world", yet it is grand to consider oneself outwards, every now and then. I could put more, but this is long enough already. Fair Play to Anyone reading...

    Are you sure you don't mean 'Positive Aspects of Being Alone', Disallowed Cynosure?  I can identify with just about all of this (though I'd draw the line at 'Top Gear!).  I can also read without interruption, get drunk without someone saying 'Haven't you had enough?', walk around indoors stark naked or in women's clothing, swear to my heart's content, sit doing precisely what I want to do for hours and hours, ignore the phone, ignore the doorbell, etc...

    But when I'm feeling lonely... that's different.  It doesn't happen often, but it happens.  And then nothing can really substitute for having someone else there to talk to, to hold, to feel loved by.

  • I have been the same in the past but not so much these days.

    The most lonely I ever felt was when I was effectively working as a consultant and I was in a large office with easily over a hundred people on the floor I was working on and I might as well not have been there for all any of them would have noticed. The trend towards hot desking where staff just grab whatever desk is available does not help.