Verbal/body language communication is over rated

Verbal communication and actions are over rated.

For example, for the past 12 months while I’ve been in burnout, I haven’t heard from hardly any of my friends and barely any of my family, and I’ve got a lot of friends and family, so this isn’t usual.

This has been a true god send to me. Most of them don’t even know yet that I’m autistic and they certainly don’t know I’ve been in a burnout, they have no idea.

However, since I’ve started to feel better, I’ve had a steady but manageable (so far) stream of friends contacting me. Inviting me out for lunch, to go for a walk, to go nordic walking, cycling, one friend who knows I would love to go to Marrakesh has paid for and booked a holiday there for us in June, the same friend has also booked a hotel for us next week so we can go to listen to her favourite band who are coming over from America. None of her friends like the band so they won’t go but she knows I’d go to the end of the world for her if needs be so although I don’t like going to listen to bands, I’m happy to go with her because I know how important it is to her and she’s insisted that she pay for that as well. We might not see each other or have any kind of contact for months and months on end but she knows she can rely on me to the degree that if i’m able to help or be there for her in any way, I will be. She doesn’t have the same level of confidence in the friends she hangs out with all the time.

I have other invites coming in as well, as well as friends popping up to simply say hi, how are you. I don’t keep in regular verbal or physical contact with my friends or family but we are in touch constantly by something much stronger than our words and actions. They didn’t know that I need their friendships right now, that their friendships are what will help me on my next leg of the journey. I’ve decided to go back to India and Bali and some other countries so I’m going to be away for a while this time, maybe a few years, maybe forever, who knows, so it’s great that I get to see some of my friends before I go. And no matter where I am in the world, at least one of my family or friends (who are my family) will come and visit me. They have been to Australia, Bali, India, the Isle of Man, all the places I’ve lived in the UK, wherever I go or wherever I am my friends keep in touch with me some how. I’ve even had letters and cards arrive at remote ashrams I’ve been at in India ~ I wouldn’t even know you could do that!

I don’t keep in touch with them so much but they never let me out of their hearts and visa versa. They all encourage and support me no matter what I do. My dad is currently encouraging me to walk the Pacific Crest Trail, another friend bought me the book with the route etc and I just know that whether I want them to or not, at least one of them will come and see me while I’m walking the trail and either walk a bit of the trail with me or for me to have a little stop off with them. I know when my sister is hurt and in which part of her body and visa versa and she’s the least ‘spiritual’ person you could ever come across.

This is a few days later now and I have to admit that the messages from friends and family is starting to become a little overwhelming for me now. I’ll handle it. But what I’m saying is, if I had to rely on verbal communication, I don’t think I’d have any friends at all, but I speak to them in my language. They don’t use this language with other people and they have no idea really how it works with me but it does and I’m overflowing with gratitude at the love and friendship that’s pouring my way now, now that I’m ready to receive it.

Verbal communication hurts my head, sign language is a bit better but I much prefer to communicate in a non verbal, none sign language way. That way I don’t have to get past all your understandings and you beyond mine before we reach some level of mutual understanding.

This is why I love silent retreats and the level of friendships you form there go way deeper than the ones you make when you are verbally communicating or communicating through body language.

I love it when I go mute but that doesn’t happen very often so I have to accept that I was given the ability to speak for some reason. I have surrendered to this now so now I will be guided in whatever way I need to be and if it means using my voice, so be it. I don’t hate it like I used to. I accept I can speak and now I’m not fighting it I guess I’ll soon find out why I can. I still find verbal/body language to be a very crude and harsh form of communication though. 

Parents Reply

  • Ok, so this first part, I can’t understand. I don’t know what you mean by ‘principles as consolidations’ ~ I don’t know what a consolidation is and why can’t a principle just be a principal? 


    1.) a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behaviour, or for a chain of reasoning.

    2.) a general scientific theorem or law that has numerous special applications across a wide field.



    1.) the action or process of making something stronger or more solid."the permanent consolidation of peace"

    2.) the action or process of combining a number of things into a single more effective or coherent whole.

    So basically a principle in any context is something that comes first, before other things result ~ cause and effect. And a consolidation in a social or divine context is an agreement between people or God to achieve or commit to something. So the principle consolidation to love the spirit of you came first, and the secondary consolidation to love the neighbours of you as such came second ~ as 'a single more effective or coherent whole.'

    I don’t understand the part about Jesus asking people to form agreements with god in principle? I don’t understand that. He said we are god. 

    33. "We are not stoning you for any of these [miracles]" replied the [Pharisees], "But for blasphemy, because you a mere man, claim to be God." 34. Jesus answered them, "Is it not written in your law, "I have said you are gods."

    From John 10;34 of the 1984 NIV Bible.

    He didn’t say aspire to love the spirit in you he said this is the law, know thyself, love thyself and love all others as yourself and you will live in bliss, happiness and freedom and you will have all that you want, and more, in this life.

    In Greek, the word àγαπησεις is an active future verb meaning by action 'breathing to love' ~ hence, "Aspire firstly to love the god of you contentedly in the heart of you, contentedly in the soul of you and contentedly in the mind of you." as being an unabridged or not shortened version from the Greek text ~ word for word.

    As far though as this thing with the law goes, from page 421 of the 1993 version of THE OXFORD COMPANION TO THE BIBLE:

    Israelite Law

    Although laws and the concept of law played an overwhelmingly important role in the Hebrew Bible and in the life of ancient Israel, the Hebrew Bible has no term exactly equivalent to the English word "law". The Hebrew word most often translated as "law", tora (*Torah), actually means teaching or instruction. As such it expresses the morally and socially didactic nature of God's demands on the Israelite people. The misleading translation of tora as law entered Western thought through the Greek translation (*Septuagint) of the term as nomos, as in the name of the book of *Deuteronomy ("the second law").

    The first instruction or teaching (rather than law then) was Genesis (the creation account) Exodus (the journey from Egypt account), Leviticus (the ritual practices account), Numbers (the population account) and Deuteronomy (the legal practices account).

    All this business with laws and commandments is due to the Romanisation of Christianity ~ by way of the Masoretic teachings of the Pharisees to become a dictatorship. Remember that a commandment by a king had to be followed ~ or else! Whereas Jesus actually spoke of a loving God offering choice, giving people the option to stay on the cycle of physical rebirth ~ or be reborn into heaven before dying, and not having to inherit the earth again and again etcetera.

    When it comes though to getting what we want and more again and again etcetera, we only get what we 'need', and alot of people do not understand that the 'ask and you shall receive' instruction is also a warning. Every feeling, thought and action is a request that gets answered in this life or the next etc. Hence the many instructions about seeking God within and not things in the outside world. Thus you only get what you want if you actually happen to need it.  

    We were given free will to chose to live by the law or not. He was simply telling people what the law was and how to achieve it. 

    Hence the instruction, the teaching and the choice of making one or more of the consolidations with God, involving love and wisdom, rather than to conform to the fear and loathing of more or the lust and longing for more involving dictatorships.

    One technicality though, there is no such thing as 'free will', as 'will-power' is an attitude which means an enforced state of mind, but one can choose freely instead by way of natural aptitude or ability.

    Render to Ceasar would mean to render nothing to him because what does he have? Nothing. 

    Being that paying the tax was the problem, rendering nothing could not be the solution. The resolution was that the things of the flesh go as to the flesh, whilst the things of the spirit go as to the spirit ~ thus the balance between heaven and earth and life and death are maintained.

    So all that part was largely confusing to me. 

    Any less confused now?