Doing only what you love

A few years ago, I said to my mentor, that I loved doing whatever I was doing. He said, that’s interesting, I only do what I love. 

I had no idea what he was talking about at the time but I felt that he had said something profound, so I allowed this thought to sink in and once I realised what it meant, I also made the decision to do only what I love. 

It was one of the best decisions I ever made because now, I do only what I love. 

How many other people only do what they love and what is their reason for not doing what they love, if that’s the case.

It has created an interesting and exciting journey for me because prior to this, I didn’t really know what I loved doing, I’m still exploring that and it’s been fascinating to see how I’ve lived many years without a clue about what I loved doing. Now I love exploring and finding out what I love to do. 

  • That last bit was meant to be a smiley face, I pressed the wrong key.

  • And you OrinocoFlo, it’s been lovely chatting to you. Thank you Pray tone3 

  • Thanks, I'll look out for that one. Best wishes ;)

  • ~ AngelDust just pointed me to what looks like a great book, which you might also find intetrsting. It’s called ‘The joy of a burnout’ by Dina Glouberman. 

  • I have always seen my burnouts as my refuge (I thought everybody did! Lol) because they’re the only time that I can reliably shut out the world and all its dominant beliefs and thoughts etc that drive me insane. This is where I begin to gather my thoughts again. I have to literally shut myself off from as much physical contact as I can or from any kind of contact with the outside world, including emails, social media etc, even if that also means going for days on end for months on end without food. Food is my least priority at these times. 

    In the past, I have come out of a burnout and I can see now, that I was never 100% confident in my own convictions, too eager to get back at life and I would go back out into the world, attempting again, to fit into the world. This time it’s different. I see now there’s nothing for me to ‘fit into’, rather I just need to learn how to be me in this world, to accept me and to accept others. 

    I realised today that the underlying dominant value system of the majority of people in this world is at odds with mine and that is where the problem lies. Now I understand that, I don’t see it as a problem, rather it is simply something that I need to be consciously aware of when I’m speaking to people. I value life above all else and the majority of people in this country anyway, place their highest value on money. Money holds no value for me, other than what it, a means by which we exchange goods and services. It doesn’t hold the intrinsic value of value, which is does for most people so of course, any conversation is at odds because we are each coming from a different value system. Realising this has helped me get clear on what my thoughts are and what are those that have somehow seeped into my deeper consciousness, without me realising it, and while there, they would confuse me. But now I’m clear, I feel more confident about being myself and now I understand where other people are coming from as well, I am more confident to accept them as they are.  I’m starting to see myself through other peoples eyes and I can clearly see that I look like a crazy woman. No wonder I’ve got that reputation! Lol! That’s clearly how they see me. The girl with no rules who does just what she wants. I couldn’t understand them because I’m so devoted to my understanding of god and stand by the rules of the 10 commandments and the sermon on the mount so I used to think, I do follow the rules. But I see that they live by societal rules that have little meaning to me and they value deeply the god of money. They think I’m without rules and I thought they were but really, we were each following the rules according to what we value the most. It’s just that these deeper underlying causes are generally hidden from our surface mind/ our conscious mind. 

    I think a good place to start is to uncover what is at the heart of your value system. I remember going to a weekend thing with the guy who wrote the ‘Chimp paradox’ and I remember this was something that he was talking about the whole weekend. I didn’t pay too much attention because I just assumed (in my pre-diagnosis ignorance) that everybody had the same values as me. I remember I really loved the concept of what he was talking about though and it kind of answers your question. I’ve still got the material from that weekend so when I come across it as I’m clearing out all my ‘things’, I’ll have a read through it and get back to you. 

    I don’t know how to answer you really. I think really, it’s a matter of what I started to do after I ended my relationship with the narcissist. I simply kept on relentlessly asking myself ‘why’ to everything I had done as a way of getting back to the underlying thoughts or value systems that were the cause of my situation. For weeks I followed this. For example, I would ask, why did I do that when he had already done that, which might have been, why did I gloss over what were obvious lies, and the answer might have been, because I didn’t want to cause an argurment. So then I would ask, why didn’t I want to cause an arguement and so on so forth. I kept going like this for weeks, I was relentless, and I finally came back to the underlying cause of it all. I was ecstatic when I found out. I remember I was living in a remote cottage in the Lake District and I was dancing around and singing, I was so delighted. The underlying cause of it all was ‘I’m not good enough’. It was so liberating not to mention funny, as I realised I had been basing my whole life on the premise that ‘I’m not good enough’. Not good enough for what, I thought, for heavens sake. I was dancing around saying things like, not good enough to be a basketball player or a ballerina or maybe an astronaut. It’s crazy that I had based my life on this but I was so happy and so relieved to find it out. 

    My journey didn’t end there because unbeknown to me, I was still living undiagnosed, but this breakthrough lead me to my diagnosis almost 5 years later to the day I ended that relationship. The diagnosis lead me to realising that most people worship the god of money and I worship the god of life, so that highlighted to me one of the major reasons I have had difficulties with relationships, people, authority figures etc. So I guess it’s a journey but there is lots of help out there. Let me know if you have any other specific or general questions and I’ll do what I can to answer them. Oh, and I have since found out, according to some books, that the underlying thought or belief, for all human beings, is ‘I’m not good enough’. I don’t know how true that is, I can only speak for myself, but my self enquiry lead me directly to that belief, which was very deeply hidden within me.

    I’m never going to try to fit in again but I think I’m also going to be a lot gentler with people, now I realise they’ve just got a different value system to me. There’s no right or wrong but I can see where I was coming across as if I thought I was right and others wrong. I honestly thought everyone had the same values as me and they don’t, and that’s perfect, because we really do need all kinds of minds etc in this world to make it a place where everybody can be themselves. Everyone has the right to value what he or she wants in life, there can be no judgements on that and I definitely feel so much more relaxed in the world, now I’ve worked all this out and I feel so much more compassion for people and the human race. I thought they were all out to get me, it turns out, that they simply see the world differently to me and of course, that’s ok. I was just missing that one crucial point. I’m still in burnout and I’m starting to enjoy it to it’s full capacity now, lots of rest and relaxation without the constant spinning of my thoughts and I trust I will get into the support group (universal credit/ESA) in time for the site where my parents caravan is situated to open so I can go and spend the next few months there, working on my website and business plans ready to launch my new service, working metaphysically still, but with a focus on people with autism or their families. 

    I also accept as well that I’m in the minority so it really does look like it’s me, my dog and cat but I’m good with that. I get all the social contact I need through the people I work with and the rest of my time I’ll spend with my beloved nature and I’ll still go to Buddhist retreats etc and go and stay in ashrams and stuff, but essentialy, I accept that it’s me and my boys (actually I think I’m getting a boy dog and girl cat, so technically, it’l be me, my boy and girl, and always the trees! Lol! 

  • Thanks for your reply, I feel that I  understand most of this one, and can relate to it. It's an interesting idea that burnout can be a kind of refuge. I also badly need a break from it all at times, but feel like I have to hold it together at all costs. Maybe I could stop trying so hard without letting people down.

    When you've spent most of your life doing what other people expect, where do you start to pick out and identify the thoughts and ideas that are really your own?

  • No, I understand what you’re saying OrinocoFlo, and you’re no different to me. You’re on the path of improving yourself and are met with many failures along the way. Some times we even fail on purpose because life can be so damned hard sometimes and we just want a break. I fully understand the context in which you use the word trying; I use it myself in that context. I try and fail on most days probably,  to be a better person, sometimes I don’t try at all and sometimes I fail, even after giving what was my best, at that time. That can be disheartening. That’s when I take refuge in Christ or Buddha, I go to the depths of my soul. Sometimes I’m not able to do this, usually when I’m trying so hard to be a better person but it always leads me to burnout, my refuge. When I’m in burnout I can shut the world out and come back to me. This time though, I am using this burnout for my own advancement. I’m not going to allow myself to reach burnout any more. I’m travelling the midddle road. 

    I see my previous 50 years (pre-diagnosis) as bundled together in to one great big failure. My failed attempt at not only being nt, but my failed attempt to also adopt the common values that are dominant in our society. I can draw a line under that now. And move forward as me and when I do that, I know I can’t fail, because how can I fail at being me? Nobody can do that job better than me and I may very well be in the minority in this world, but that’s ok, it doesn’t make me a bad person. Jesus was in the minority and he is generally not considered a bad person. I’m not likening myself to Jesus, not in the least, I’m just pointing out that just because I’m in the minority and most people don’t  understand me, it doesn’t necessarily equate that I’m a bad person. This is a common belief in society that I failed to adopt, that when somebody is in the minority they are wrong, bad, deluded etc and should be locked away. They have tried to lock me away and they have succeeded, to a point, several times, but they can never take away my mind and my integrity and that will be my guide from now on which guarantees my freedom from failure. Because I cannot fail at being me. 

  • I agree with the last paragraph here, and I also agree that saying "I'll try" is a get out clause. I'm fully aware that it is, but I have to have something to fall back on (and keep me going) when I repeatedly fail to reach my own standards. I also follow the teachings of Jesus, and they ought to come first to mind, but that's another area where I fail.

    I realise you might reply that there is no such thing as failure, but there is to me. I respect your point of view, but I can't share it. All I can do is move on, and, yes, try again.

  • If it’s still not clear, please tell me. 

  • Yeah, of course I can Tom, even without looking at what I said before or after writing that to California. I know this stuff is hard for some people to get their heads around ~ I’ve only just realised that. I used to think that everyone thought like me so I would be thoroughly confused with what they said, and visa versa, but I understand now that not everybody thinks like me. 

    It says ‘society’ doesn’t work like that. Society works by getting everyone to do the same things, it convinces everyone that they have no choice but to trade their time for money. It isn’t set up to empower people to live their dreams. It wants workers and it wants them to work doing the things that ‘society’ deems or believes are important. If you wait for outer circumstances or ‘society’ or any of the systems within it, that prop it up, before you do what you love, you will never be in a position to do only what you love. The only way a person will ever do what they love is to turn away from societal rules, norms etc and turn towards what it is inside of them and to what they really want. For me, it was an easy life, there’s more adding to that now but basically, if I waited for the right opportunity or enough money or whatever to do what I wanted, I would barely do anything. I would be trapped in a job I didn’t particularly want to do, to only have holidays when somebody else agrees I can etc. I would think that when I have enough money or whatever, I will be able to have an easy life. It doesn’t work like that. You have to make the decision first and then the easy life follows. It follows on from the decision. 

    It isn’t as straight forward as that of course. We are full of self limiting beliefs and doubts etc that we have gathered up over the years. Even hearing things like, money is the root of all evil, or the rich get richer and the poor get poorer etc, will effect and dictate the level of income anyone will achieve in his life time. If a person has an underlying, invisible belief, usually because they haven’t really thought about it, about money being the root of all evil, they will never be rich because that would make them evil. That is how life/the mind works. We can’t just gloss over limiting or what some people call negative beliefs or thoughts by being ‘positive’. We have to explore the beliefs as they show them selves and discover for ourselves if they are true or not. This discovery and exploration can be made in many ways, we are almost awash with some amazing therapists/teachers now, all around the world. There’s something for everyone but if we are waiting for our outer circumstances to give us a break, it will never happen. We have to make that decision because society will never offer us that option. Society simply wants us to work for them, in either the drug, food or fashion industry or some other industry or job that they decide needs to be done. When you are past working age, it’s as if the person loses value. My specialism for a number of years was with older people, mental health problems and dementia and it blows my mind how little value is given to the people I worked with, who have experienced the war and all its hardships and heartbreak and yet here they were being treated, by the very same government who they fought for, with barely an ounce of respect or gratitude. I do not recognise that society as real. It is man made, founded on greed and I will have no part in it. If they can treat this wonderful people, and they don’t make em like that anymore, then I can not recognise or respect them. Even if they had no active part in the war, they experienced it, and they deserve better. I will not base my life on such shallow values and morals. When you turn away from the values forced upon you, and turn instead to what you want, you find that opportunities open up in places you didn’t even know existed and life becomes an enjoyable journey not a hard slog, which it always is if you live by societal norms and I can’t do that. 

  • It was one of the best decisions I ever made because now, I do only what I love. 
    You will never be in a position to do only what you love California, our society doesn’t work like that.

    Can you explain this apparent contradiction please, BlueRay?  Before my head implodes. 

  • The cat sounds good, that’s what I’m working my way towards. That’s my goal, to get a little miniature poodle puppy dog and a little kitten then me and my crew will be made! Although now I’m coming out of this burn out and starting to feel better, I’m starting to get itchy feet for Bali, so my cat and dog plans might have to go on hold for a little while. And yeah, I definitely prefer to live alone, as in no other human, but I like having cats and dogs. 

  • I've never been homeless and I don't want to experience it.  My health has always been fragile and I wouldn't survive.

    On the other hand I have lived in rented accommodation many times in different cities and the standard has varied enormously.  And the other people sharing the accommodation Dizzy face

    I prefer to live alone.  Or just get a cat as a companion.

  • Everyone will have a different perspective, according to their experience of it whether that be first, second or third hand and everyone’s experience of homelessness is different. I have had many homeless friends and each persons journey there has been different and each persons experience is different. I’ve also worked with refugees who are homeless in this country yet they are surgeons and hold other positions back in their country of birth. There are as many outer reasons for homelessness as there are people but wherever a person goes, whatever they do or however they live, ‘they’ the person remains the constant and they and only they have the power to change their situation, people can help but only they can make the decision to make changes. 

  • Okay.  I'll take your word for it.  There's nothing more I feel like saying on the subject.

    Maybe some others can offer perspectives.

  • I’ve always been ok when I’ve been homeless. I never slept at nights, not even in the shelters, I preferred to walk the streets at night as that felt safer to me than sleeping in a doorway or a shelter. I’d find somewhere to sleep during the day, which was never a problem as more places are open. I often slept in pubs and the landlords were great about it. I didn’t exactly choose to be homeless, but that’s the way it was for a while, a few times actually. I didn’t think my life was any worse or different to when it was or is when I’m bringing home well in excess of £1000 a week. I was still me so my life was still as happy as I was and living on the streets taught me a lot about human generosity and it was kind of fun, I’m all into alternative lifestyles and although I didn’t exactly consciously choose it, I made the most of it while I had the chance. Not everybody gets to experience homelessness first hand and if people did, they would most certainly have a different impression of it because the impression would be from their experience and not from somebody else’s. It’s a pretty cool way to live, having only your immediate needs to meet, no thinking of long term plans etc. And sure, not everyone can hack it but not everyone can hack it even when they have a house and job etc. It’s always down to the individual and not the circumstances. It is rough in this weather, when I went for a walk in the snow the other day  I looked out for the homeless guy I help out now and again so I could offer him a bed for the night. I’ve only got one bed but I would happily give it up for the night for this guy, to get him off the streets while the snows falling, but I didn’t see him so I guess he got somewhere for the night. I never once felt like any of my rights or my self respect had been taken away. How does that work? Just because I haven’t got a roof over my head and a job I haven’t got no self esteem?!?!? If I was placing my self esteem on having a job and a house to live in I think I’d shoot my self now and get it over with because I can’t imagine a life where my self esteem relied on my outer circumstances. It’s not romantic living on the streets just like it’s not romantic living in a house or any other way of living, it’s exactly what it is and it’s what you make of it. If I thought it was bad and terrible and I had no rights or no self esteem now, I’d probably be dead by now, considering the kinds of circumstances I found myself in. But I never once felt like that. I was just as valuable etc as someone earning tons of money and living in a house. My value doesn’t come from how much money I earn, where I sleep at nights or how I chose to live my life and nobody can take my self esteem away from me and certainly no circumstances could. If I had put value judgements on being homeless and compared myself to others who weren’t homeless then I probably would have felt bad, but how would that have helped me? Why not think, we’ll this is how it is today, ok, so what do I need to do today? 

  • Who wouldn’t love sleeping on a park bench, close to nature, waking up to the fresh fragrance of the beautiful flowers.

    I think that depends very much on the circumstances.  And with this bitter weather, we're now getting the predictable reports of homeless people being found dead.

    Some people may choose homelessness, and perhaps see 'benefits' to it.  But the generosity, love and kindness of others can be in very short supply.  I worked at a homeless shelter for a while - and believe me, most of the people who came through our doors would give anything to get back to a life under a roof - whether in a job or not.  My father was homeless for a while, too, and it put years on him - indirectly leading to his death.  He was set upon by yobs, spat at, told to 'get a job'... generally disdained.  You can lose all dignity, all sense of hope.  You can't get work.  You sleep where you can - never knowing if you'll be safe (homeless women especially are vulnerable, and are routinely exploited for sex by 'caring' people, offering a warm bed for the night). If addiction or mental health problems have landed you in the street, then they'll only get worse once you're there.  And who would deny a homeless person a bit of chemical relief from their existence?  You feel like all your rights and self-respect have been taken away.  It may seem a romantic way of life for some - but the reality is usually very different.

  • I love this Tom, this is perfect. You’ve got the passion, you know exactly what you want, now all you have to do is decide that you’re going to have it and I promise you, unless you vere away from your goal, you will have it. 

    Have you heard of fiverr.com? You could easily sell your meme’s etc, your services on there. Basically, you can get any online service on there, for 5 dollars. Then as you build up a reputation and you get good feed back, you can start charging more money. Basically you work your ass off in the beginning, you provide more value than they pay, you give as good as you can, and before you know it, you’ll be bringing in a lot more money. There are several options like this but this is certainly a good one. I’ve bought services from there and I’ve never been disappointed. 

    Build a picture board with a copy of your book on it and letters from people thanking you for your book, telling you how much it helped them to understand their own situation etc. You can do this Tom. You’ve got that passion and that gift for a reason. You were put in this earth to give your gift to the world, not make do with less than living your dream. 

    Work out, how much money you would have to be bringing in before you could comfortably, without worry, leave your job. Have the figures wrote down and look at them often. Have three figures. One that you could live on relatively comfortably. One that you could just about live on. And one that would mean financial freedom to you. Then the extra figure is what you would need to be earning, and for how long, before you would take the next step of leaving your job. 

    Put all your energy and focus on this. Not on ‘how’ to do it, but the end result. See yourself getting up in a morning, feeding daisy, feeding yourself, sitting down at your computer to write or design. What would your day look like? Then narrow it down to one scene that suggests, without doubt, that you have achieved financial freedom while doing what you love. Get that scene clear in your mind and every night, go to sleep as if it were true. Every morning, wake up and before you get out of bed, give thanks and gratitude for this wonderful life you have created. Live from that state. Don’t allow thoughts of ‘I have to go to work’ interfere with this. Your job is the ultimate bonus. You get to hang out with other autistics all day (that would be my dream, I now only, on the whole, communicate with other autistic people). Let it be your means to an end. Be thoroughly grateful for it, enjoy every minute of it while you’re there, because you don’t know which one will be your last, meaning, any day you could be earning enough money from online services or your writing, that you will be ready to leave your job. 

    When the passion is strong and you are crystal clear on what you want, and you live from that state and enjoy and give thanks, for every minute of your life, the  universe can work quick. You don’t have to know ‘how’ it’s going to happen. Like you don’t have to know everything there is about aerodynamics to board a flight. You just have to know where you’re going and just show up, do whatever you need to do, and this dream will come into your reality. 

    If you don’t believe me, try it anyway. What have you got to lose? 

  • It just depends on what you mean by improvement. For example, if everybody in the world decided that from now on, they’re going to love their neighbour, like their brother, like they love themselves, and that they will turn away from the false god of money and separation and decided instead, to place Love and unity before anything else in their lives,  that from this day forward, they refuse to bring any harm on another human, animal or plant and that they will put the needs of their brother or their neighbour or the person stood in front of them, first and foremost, before even thinking about their own needs. That would be an improvement, in my opinion. 

    You have just as much influence and ability as any other person on this planet. We are ALL contributing to the wealth and well being of this planet and it’s inhabitants, every second of every day, awake and asleep. And you sound like you go that extra mile do you are already doing a huge amount of good in this world and way more than some people ever even think about. 

    Yes, of course, the impulse/thoughts from within are the cause of the outer effect, so if we have a good heart with good intentions, that will be seen outwardly in the things we do, for example, helping our neighbours, contributing to somebody’s income etc. Everything comes from within. 

    Ok, good and bad. People dying of starvation in one country. Who benefits from seeing this situation as ‘bad’. What generally happens when we think something is bad, is we set off s train of thoughts that generally spiral downwards. We think of all the ways it is bad and it some becomes terrible and so on. Nobody is thinking from a clear and stable mind when they have already made up their mind that something is bad. It limits possibilities and opportunities and makes everybody feel bad. The person just thinking about the starving people feel bad and they’ve got a belly full of food in them. They are not only giving themselves bad vibes they are also sending out bad vibes to the very people who could use a few good vibes flowing their way. If you simply see the situation as it is, you are open to possibilities and opportunities and you’re thinking from a clear sound mind, not infected with thoughts of this is bad. You could look at the situation and think, these people are clearly not thriving in life. Why? Are they short of natural resources in their region to be able to provide adequately for themselves. Maybe they’re on land that won’t grow food and will never grow food so you have to ask, it that the best place for these people to be living? Also, in a country where people are dying from obesity related disease, maybe all the food these people have could be given, as a temporary measure, to the people who are starving and let them, the people who are obese, experience a bit of starvation and they may become mindful to put real food in their bodies, which will never make them obese, instead of blindly eating food stuff that is made to resemble food but which isn’t, it’s just something that tastes good but destroys their health. It’s absolutely about how you feel about it. If you feel bad, you limit your choices, if you simply see things as they are, without adding meaning or value judgements then you open up your choices. 

    Happiness is NEVER triggered by things outside of us. That’s conditional happiness. I will be happy if I have this or that in my life or if the weather does exactly what I want it to or if people do and behave exactly as I want them to. That can only ever produce a transient temporary form of happiness, based on outside conditions. True happiness that comes from within, never depends on outer circumstances but happy people have happy lives, their outer circumstances match their inner circumstances. If you ‘try’ to do anything, that’s exactly what you will be forever doing, ‘trying’. If we want something to happen we have to decide we are going to do it, not simply trying to do it. It may take many attempts and many years to achieve what we want to achieve but if we decide that that is what we’re going to do then that is most definitely what we will do. Trying is like a game of chance, sometimes we might get lucky, other times not so lucky but by saying we are going to ‘try’ we have a get out clause if we don’t achieve our aim in a certain amount of time. Instead of saying I give in, they can say, oh well, I tried. Really?!?!? Well try again and keep on trying until you decide you’re going to do it and then you will achieve it. 

    I have always known that this is as good as life gets. No matter how much wealth and riches a person has, if he is not happy on the inside, no amount of money can change that. There is nothing that could improve my life other than being more loving, more giving, more understanding, more generous, more friendly, more thoughtful, more of all the things that matter, that are generated within me. Outer circumstances are simply a reflection of our inner selves, everytime, it’s not possible for it to be any other way.