If anyone's interested, I've started a new blog. It's part-truth, part-fiction - and I'm not going to say how much of each! Some of it may be obvious.
It's a bit of fun, really - something to keep me going between other projects. It helps me to get through the evenings and weekends, anyway - and keeps my fingers typing.
It's pretty much self-explanatory: the life of a middle-aged no-hoper. Humorously cynical is the tone I'm going for. Hope I manage it. Not overtly about autism, but the indications are there.
Two short posts so far. 'My Heart is in Havana' and 'Shove Thy Neighbour'.
- strong, graphic language
- sexual references
- substance misuse
Cemetery Road: notes from a half-life
It's written under a pseudonym, too, so no identity divulgence...
That’s great Tom, I enjoyed reading that. I would like Robert to do something similar as well as I also really enjoy reading his stories of the neighbours etc.
really enjoyed reading your blog. You have a great writing style - witty, accessible and a touch dark (which I like!).
I look forward to many more entries, as well as extracts from all of your future books...
Read the blog and very interesting and enjoyable.
Unfortunately my writing is inferior in style to our friend Martian Tom. At school I was ungraded in 'O' level English Literature. And I still consider myself disabled and backwards when it comes to writing.
My anecdotes are true. It's just that many are so insane situations that I'm embarrassed by not realising sooner what was really going on. And I find it difficult to read other people's motivations and ulterior motives.
I absolutely love your writing Robert. I could read a whole book full of them.
Here's one from the 1980s describing how insane family life is.
My mother who had a food/cooking obsession/phobias also refused to have a telephone in the house. So making contact at short notice was difficult.
At the time I was living a long distance away from home and only visiting every 2 or 3 or 4 weeks. This lead to rows that she had bought extra food and I didn't visit that particular weekend.
So I was ordered to buy and bring my own food when visiting. So...after a long train journey, I bought food (mixture of fresh, chilled and frozen) at the last supermarket before getting on the short bus journey home. This happened to be M&S. And what a row, she blew up shouting that normal people don't shop in that kind of store. Only LAWYERS.... DOCTORS... BUSINESSMEN shop there. And that I was irresponsible throwing money away at exclusive shops. And that I should stick to normal supermarkets such as her favourite, Morrison's.
This went on for around six months, either verbal rows or silent disapproval.
Eventually I gave in. Got off the train and made a big detour to Morrison's and shopped there.
Arrived home. And another row broke out. She started shouting that the food I bought was inferior to my previous shopping. The mushrooms were dirtier and slightly bruised. The milk wasn't as rich and creamy. The chicken wasn't as tender or plucked properly. And I got told off for being a cheapskate trying to save a few pennies by shopping in cheap inferior shops.
Moral of this is that sometimes we find ourselves in a no win situation. You do your best and people are never satisfied.
That’s hilarious, I love your mother, I really do and what a kind but cheap skate son you are, going to the inferior shops when you don’t even visit that often, you could at least go to the better shops!
Maybe your mum was satisfied, maybe she simply enjoyed her way of communicating, maybe it was her idea of mischievous fun. It sure sounds like it. Sometimes we’ve got to get our fun which ever way we can! And seriously, you have to take a leaf out of Tom’s book and write these stories out. I can’t get enough of them.
Your writing is fine, Robert. I failed everything at school. I was in my late 20s before I even understood the difference between a verb and a noun. I started writing when I was 10. It was my escape from the world. It's been a long journey. Don't worry about style, mate. Just write.
Thanks for your encouraging comments, folks. These tales may not add up to very much, but they keep me focused.
They're great Tom, keep them coming :-)
I'm just about to enrol for a series of short courses at northern college on verbs and nouns and stuff like that. I never learned those things at school and I'd love to learn them so nows my chance. You could join me Robert, all the courses are free, they're residential and all your food and accommodation is free and it's in a great setting. Check it out, northern college, near Barnsley. They have lots of other great courses as well. I'm going to do the writing courses as well.
I'm also a book collector and I am self taught from my collection of English language and grammar books. These are mostly intended for adults learning english as a second language.
Had a look at the Barnsley college at Wentworth on the internet. Google maps says it's 25miles away.