Asperges and Dating

What are your experiences with dating and do you find it difficult to maintain a relationship? I find communication hard sometimes and can come across cold.

  • Forum Rules

    The purpose of the Community is to provide a safe forum for people on the autism spectrum to share experiences, views and opinions.

    You must not try to gather personal information from other users of the Community.

    You agree not to set up more than one account with the website.

    You must not post inappropriate content which could include, but is not limited to: personal jibes and insults.

  • Hi 76, well, I'm not going to look, not as such. I'm just going to be open to the idea. This is a big change from the past twenty or so years. I'm feeling confident that now that I have my diagnosis, I don't have to play any games with anyone. I can lay out upfront who I am. I've made a step by joining meetup, and subscribing to my first event next month.

  • Yeah - and fakes & liars..

  • this place is full of old bigoted dinosaurs  

  • come back Bookworm 

  • I'm glad to hear that. I've also recently started using dating sites in the hope to meet someone (I think it is easier for me to do this online). I've already registered on Flirt (this is a good alternative to craigslist personals). But I'm going to check other sites out. How are you going to look for a partner?

  • I think I'm getting to the point where I'd like to try it again. Post diagnosis, I'm feeling a lot more secure within myself and able to offer love and support to someone else.

  • NAS61767 said “ hope a happy ending story makes you smile”.

    Yes indeed it does Slight smile.

    And it’s only just beginning and a happy new chapter is about to start for them both. 

    Thank you and congratulations to the happy couple long may they share happiness and love and lots of acceptance and true understanding. 

    And don’t forget those around him including you that stood by him, And  no matter what always had faith he would become a lovely man.

    It can be a real struggle understanding how someone’s world is when it varies from the expected so called “ normal”.

    Take care and be proud when you see him and his partner stand together and become as one.

     X()x

  • That’s a lovely story. Thanks for sharing. Congratulations to all of you on the engagement. And thank you for the hope and inspiration, your sons experience brings Pray tone3

  • My son Johnny who is 22 now was diagnosed with Asperger when he was six , I obviously have worried and fretted over him ,it has been difficult a long road ,now he is working as a carer which suits him as he is such a good talker and has turned into such a sociable young man ,whilst realationships have been difficult he met someone and they are getting engaged April 5th after long courtship ,there is someone out there for everyone ,so don’t give up ,Johnny was diagnosed as being very high on Asperger scale ,but he is living normal life saving for house just loving life , hope a happy ending story makes you smile 

  • A lately I've wondered whether I should just pursue a friends with benefits style relationship.  I have certain needs and no interest (or emotional possibility) of pursuing a standard relationship.  If two people met up and dealt with the carnal side of things and agreed to keep things as close friends but never moved towards something more, is that really socially repugnant.  For me no, for my family, well thats a whole different problem.  But still I ponder it.  My mother continues to hope I will find someone and marry, have kids, etc.

    If you want a laugh, try pof or cupid.  I've met a few on both.  As soon as they realise im different, well it makes for amusing dates.

  • I am a 30 year old woman, with a diagnosis of atypical autism, anxiety and ongoing eating disorder issues, I'd love a boyfriend, but struggle with physical contact, even holding hands, I could never share a bed with anyone, I like my space!

  • Dating? Sod that, the last time I 'dated', I married him, been together ever since, me diagnosed Aspie him undiagnosed but Aspie for sure, living the perfect-imperfect dream but it works for us.

  • I have a question. We have been around for 200.000 years. Now if you all take yourself back to tribal humanity. So you are 3 or 4 per 100 in a tribe of 250 people(250 because that's the number of people NT women keep track off. So in a tribe of 259 8 to 10 AT the rest NT. How would this work? In this place for example. No houses. No forced to always try and share the same place. Because as a tribe there is no chance of separation  Have a think about it. What do you think it would be like for you. Would this type os existence show that. All things could be good got you. But the last 5000 years of progress (NT based) have created a society that now makes it much harder for you  

  • I have dated someone on the spectrum before. He was, and still is, the most amazing person I've ever met, and I think he always will be. He was so clever and funny and we had the most incredible conversions about life and the universe. Topics you just do not talk to most people about because they wouldnt be interested. We would also sit for hours just happy in each others company not saying a word. I usually find silence awkward but it was as if we didnt need words to communicate. BUT we did amplify each other. By that I mean my anxiety went through the roof, he would be depressed and difficult sometimes, and that would make me depressed, and I had no mechanisms to be comforting as I'm not good at that. That relationship ended in a fireball of madness. So from my experience dating someone on the spectrum is Exra. The best bits are better in every way but the bad bits are worse in every way. My current partner is very understanding and we get along just fine without the drama. He actually says I'm the best ever because I don't mind him playing computer games all evening, which I like because I get to spend evenings doing something alone like reading. I do have to admit that I miss the other guy sometimes because the intensity of what we had I don't think I will ever experience again. But sometimes in life you are faced with difficult choices. At the end of the day, all you need is someone to accept you for who you are.

  • Hi Rose, I know this is an old article but I just posted about how upset I am about my relationship problems, I understand that it might not be my time to be in one but I cant hide my feelings, unrequited love is very painful and I will always remember my friend. I hope that everyone on this community chat is stable with their health and finds that one person that matters the most in life.

  • Fair enough. That's true. It's just nice to know you're appreciated at any rate.

  • Nope no idea, yes they are handwritten, but there's regularly over a thousand people on site where my office is and I've interacted with around 300 of them and maybe 50 of them in any one week. The writing was fairly obviously feminine (which is good as I'm straight) but didn't give any clues away in what was written. I've asked the two people who worked in the post room but they didn't recognise the writing on the one that was sent internally (it wasn't one of them as I know what their writing looks like and they are both married). 

    I'd never try to figure it out any more, it's not worth the effort as I'll never make any headway and if they didn't want to be anonymous they would have put some clue or just signed it with their name.

  • Oh no! That's awful. I didn't know you were in a relationship.