Published on 12, July, 2020
I definitely have a Aphantasia (at the moment self diagnosed with AS)
After I did the test I felt a bit emotional I think mainly because in a way it was a relief that I’m not losing my mind.
When I was telling to somebody about my concern with not having and understanding the concept of imagination never felt like people believed me, so at some point I started to think that this is my own fault and I’m stopping my brain from creating images ... I was forcing myself to imagine something and failing every time. I became obsessed about it.
Also I do understand myself as a child more now.
I felt stupid at school because couldn’t imagine things for example when reading books.
That only added to the feeling of not fitting in, being different and misunderstood... I was bullied badly in school so I started to feel that it is my fault because there is something wrong with me.
Now I’m more confident with what I feel, hear, see or not see ...
Thanks for reading.
I was exactly the same janusz84 and since I’ve stopped taking the anti depressants it’s like I’ve got my imagination back. But not in the way I was trying to force it, to imagine a certain thing, it’s just kind of happening and the other day I actually saw a coloured imagine. It was weird!
Hi BlueRay.
Thanks for your reply.
I wonder what others “see” when they close their eyes, so not about imagination but what appears “in front of you”? In my case all goes starry with loads of different colours, moves all the time and what worries me it makes me feel dizzy. What worries me even more it is that with open eyes I can still see “stars” halos around objects etc.
I had my eyes tested got my glasses but that starry thing didn’t change. I’m pretty sure it goes more intense when tired (overstimulated) also tinnitus goes worse.
Sometimes I’m not sure if it is actually getting worse or is it me noticing it more.
I know that feeling! I've lost count of the times I've said things like "Do you know that feeling you get when...?" or "You know when you see...?" and everyone else just looks at me oddly and says "No."
I got 11 out of 40 on the test and anything I did 'see' was a memory of an actual scene, so I kept 'seeing' sunsets (because I've seen loads of those on beaches) instead of sunrises (which I've never seen on a beach). I couldn't picture anyone's clothes though, just a sort of impression of dark clothing. Or facial details, just a disembodied smile maybe.
Odd though, because I can draw very detailed plans of whichever house I've lived in pretty much to scale. I sort of 'walk around he house' in my head but I can't actually say that I'm SEEING it, more 'feeling' it really.
Aha, yes I seen other people say they get the visual snow - maybe that's what it is then!
I know what you mean about thinking things are normal, I did the same for years and years. It is a bit of a shock when you realise that no, it doesn't work like that for everyone else. My partner says that it just means I have superpowers! Sometimes it is cool (seeing in HD, being able to eat something in a restaurant and identify all of the ingredients so that I can make it again at home) and sometimes less so (everyone talking at once so you can't make anything out, distraction and overwhelming)
If you miss your blurry world, maybe forget your glasses once in a while! I wear noise-cancelling headphones a lot of the time, to escape from all of the competing sounds around me. Less to process again. You might find that they help you too.