Offending people

Do you ever offend other people unintentionally, like me?

I try to live a quiet life, not bothering other people.  But other people expect me to behave in a particular way and get very upset at things that don't really concern them.  

A recent example is how I upset me sister, by not inviting her to my graduation ceremony.

Beforehand nothing was mentioned or discussed.  I never had any intention of going to the ceremony.  The idea of getting dressed up and being seen on stage by hundreds of people terrified me.  Since the ceremony was optional I turned down the invitation and the two guest tickets.

A week later I got a very distressed phone call from my sister, trying to invite herself to my ceremony.   She had assumed from the beginning that she would be invited.  

End result was that she was so upset.  I got uninvited to her family Christmas.

Christmas tree

Parents
  • Can't sleep with worry so I'm still writing at this hour.

    I will elaborate a bit further about my original post.

    I was a very mature student.  And my sister who is older than me has worked at the university in the administration department for many years.  Later she confessed to me that dispute being there all these years she had never attended a graduation ceremony.  I feel very little sympathy for her because I care nothing for all this pomp and ceremony.  She on the other hand holds all these formal ceremony's and formalities in high regard.  She holds ever more extravagant birthday parties for her two children every year. Hiring out rooms in pubs and social centres.  ( I was invited to only one and that was as a chaperone to an overseas relative).

    As for offending people.  Sometimes it has it's positive aspects.  Especially when I offended someone I dislike with very little effort.  But that's another story.

  • I can see your sisters point; however, she also has some responsibility in this. Did she sit you down and speak to you and ask, as a massive favour, if you would consider going to your graduation so she could attend, and in return, she would do something with you afterwards, that you would enjoy? It’s a two way street. Maybe if you had been asked about it and given time to consider it, you may or may not have decided to go, but at least she would have seen that you had considered it and if the answer was still no, then I would hope that even if she didn’t like the answer, she would accept it and learn how to gatecrash a graduation so she’s not relying on anybody else! 

Reply
  • I can see your sisters point; however, she also has some responsibility in this. Did she sit you down and speak to you and ask, as a massive favour, if you would consider going to your graduation so she could attend, and in return, she would do something with you afterwards, that you would enjoy? It’s a two way street. Maybe if you had been asked about it and given time to consider it, you may or may not have decided to go, but at least she would have seen that you had considered it and if the answer was still no, then I would hope that even if she didn’t like the answer, she would accept it and learn how to gatecrash a graduation so she’s not relying on anybody else! 

Children
  • To elaborate further.  Me and my sister are very different socially.  People who know us both don't believe we are related.  She is  a party animal, clubbing into the early hours in her youth.  I suffer panic attacks walking into crowded  places and I have lost consciousness several times when I ignored the warning signs.