Published on 12, July, 2020
Recently I got awarded one of those badge things, from this site, apparently I am a "socialite". (!!??)
I went to have a look at what that means and discovered the following factoid.
I am one of only Eight of such people on this site, out of a total membership of nearly 80,000 souls.
Now apart from meaning that I'm a flipping outlier again, (even here!) AND "anti-socialite" would be a more apt description, it got me wondering.
Only one in 10,000 of us has as many "Friends" here as me and the other members of the socialite group...
And when I do read the wider site, most people seem to post just once or twice and then fail to continue except for a small cadre of regular posters.
Since getting "socialite"is it seems a bit of a statistically "standout" thing, I'd like to thank everyone on my friends list who by either asking for or accepting my request, made it possible.
If any of you who have added me, now regret it (and that's very possible) prompt action now, in removing me from your friends lists would:
A. be much appreciated, &
B. I'm curious to see if one can LOSE an "award" here...
I'm also curious to know if I am right to deduce that this site meets the needs of a small few of us, but is pretty irrelevant to the majority of it's members?
Congratulations.
I wanted to fit in when I first joined this forum, but now I pop in and read more than anything. Unfortunately I don’t feel like I fit in here which is a shame, it feels very cliquey, the same as most places have felt in the ‘real world’ my entire life, which has made life so much more difficult. I don’t really feel like I relate to many of the ‘regulars’ here. Which is interesting as one of the autistic fb groups I have joined (a very large group but seemingly USA based) I relate to the majority of posts I see in there, they feel like ‘my people’. But I’d never post in there, as Facebook has my real name and self employed business attached to my account so I just read what others post.
So because I don’t feel like I fit in I’m not relaxed enough to be myself, and it actually feels like it brings out the depressive side of me whenever I do post. It feels like more of a NT based forum for some reason.
I’m mainly writing this to be honest, as an insight (from me at least), and to answer the OP questions. It is not meant to cause offence to anyone. Despite many things p:&@ing me off in life which I now know are due to the autism, I do have a sense of humour, but I don’t feel like I can be ‘myself’ in here.
I don’t do small talk, or feel comfortable with the falsity of sympathetic replies, and I know this should be the social norm (though I do ‘try’ and do this with acquaintances in my life). I’m guessing that’s why I feel like I’m sitting on the side lines, as usual. But I can’t bring myself to do something that feels so alien and pointless (to me at least). But I can be honest, and I know this isn’t appreciated by many. I just thought it would have been more acceptable here of all places.
feel comfortable with the falsity of sympathetic replie
It's hard to say if they're false, with autistic I'm more likely to assume they're not.
But fact is that english have it inbred more than other nationalities, The Politeness.
Hence the difference between this and US forum.
I don't do small talk either, or ask how are you, but I'm not english.
I'd rather go straight to the point, or say something 'crazy' as an opening
E.g. They aask me ''Are you allright?''. and I answer ''Or all left?''
Mariusz said:inbred
I don't know any other word that would be more appropriate. I ask for forgiveness.
I don’t want sympathy as a reply
I say in my head ''I don't want any pity'', it's one of reasons why I never ask for help, because first I would have to go through receiving pity.
I can do politeness honestly when I speak with elderly or kids, every other stranger gets a glare, and as little speech as possible
The typical english politeness is something that I try and do when I am face to face with people, but for me personally it is completely false and I do it because I think I have to do it, and I’m sure I do it wrong and I’m over the top with it. I apologise far too much, I am over the top thanking people, I do what I think is right when someone is having a hard time and respond with ‘Ah no, I’m so sorry…’ but it’s not natural for me. Online it’s different, I have time to think and process my replies and tbh it would make me feel a bit ‘ick’ to do it, and even more false so more often than not I either won’t do it or not reply at all as I don’t want to be insensitive. But that said, if ever I have posted anywhere because I am having a hard time I don’t want sympathy as a reply, it doesn’t help me at all. It doesn’t make me feel better and more often than not it feels like the person doing it is only doing it because they can’t think of anything else to say.
It comes with ago. I used to be completely blind to it, stomping on every mine in conversation.
It's interesting though, that english autistic don't find excessive politeness an NT thingy,
I think in moderation it's a good thing, like many things. Excessiveness breeds many daemons. E.g. Excesive lawfulness gave birth to inquisition.