Published on 12, July, 2020
So, to preface, Mental Illness runs in my family. Addiction, depression, narcissism, etc.
I'm diagnosed with Autism (not mental illness but still), BPD and a number of anxiety disorders.
I simply cannot get along with my parents. My dad's a narcissist, his idea of love is treating us like property, treating us as if we are 5, and then buying us things. My mum is consistently angry. She blows up at the smallest of things. I can imagine this is my dad's fault, he isnt very nice to her. But somehow she will always take his side if I say anything to him.
Anyway, my mum is always angry. makes the biggest deals out of everything and if she is in a bad mood, everyone has to be. She doesn't get much help from my brothers, and im sick of being the only one who helps with anything.
I can't have a single conversation with them without an argument. It makes me feel so horrible. My mum has so much sympathy for others but none for me. Before school one day about 5 years ago, I had a panic attack and couldnt get on my school bus. she stood there shouting at me.
Suddenly, two weeks ago, her friends daughter is struggling to go to school due to anxiety. she was 'so worried' about her. but why not me? why is my struggle not enough?
Even through self harm, panic attacks, s*icidal thoughts, diagnoses etc, she still wont believe I have any mental illnesses. she just doesnt and wont accept it. I haven't even told her I'm diagnosed with autism since she would laugh and not believe me anyway.
It makes me so so upset. Im so jealous of people who have good relationships with their parents. Why am I not enough?
miaxx said:Im so jealous of people who have good relationships with their parents.
Can I ask how old you are, miaxx?
I’m 20. I know you’ll say when I’m older I’ll have a good relationship with them but we just don’t get along.
We disagree on everything, I’ve been invalidated my whole life. I don’t think I will ever forgive them.
I don’t think they like me as a person either
Well, it is possible that as you get older and experience more of life it may go some way towards improving your relationship with them. But then again, it may not. I asked your age because I wanted to get an idea if you were dependent upon them in any way. Do you live with your parents?
Remember, there is the saying that we become our parents.
That can be a good thing, or a bad thing, all depends on perspective. Ideally, take the good, and discard the bad. But if we dwell on things, and carry the anger and trauma with us, we'll likely become the thing we're trying to escape.
It can become an eternal cycle.
As they say, "Be the change"