Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm told PTSD is having traumatic events replay over and over - but what if it's not a single event - what if it's an entire lifetime's abuse and bullying that is constantly being triggered and replaying over and over - is that the same thing? Is there a measure of intensity? Do you just get used to it? What is the qualifier?
I can only speak from personal experience, Plastic. For me, it is triggered by external and internal stimuli. Fearful reactions to external stimuli associated with the past trauma. For me, it can be any external images, words, people... anything that either has a connection to the past event(s) or to which I have made new fearful connections. Also, internal feelings, mental imagery and thoughts can also generate the same fearful reactions.As a real example, I very narrowly avoided being murdered by a partner well over 20 years ago. It's enough now for anyone who behaves in any way like he did, says similar words to him, or even wears similar clothing to him to trigger memories of the traumatic period. By triggering, I mean setting off a chain of visual images, fearful mental movies, depressive thoughts and surges in anxiety. Once it begins, it can also build and maintain momentum by feeding off the remembrance of other unpleasant events, large or small.
Once it begins, it builds and maintains momentum by feeding off the remembrance of other unpleasant events, large or small.
That's what I'm thinking - it's a cascade mode. I've been nearly killed about 9 times so far - I mean literally dodging death by microseconds (flying near misses and traffic accidents) or by not being killed enough - massive seizure and anaphylaxis etc.
I think you collect traumas until it all overloads.
But how is a level measured?
It's measured by the effect it has on your ability to function in daily life. For me, when the PTSD is at its most intense, I am not able to move. Anxiety courses through my body and paralyses my body and mind. At its least intense, I withdraw, become fearful and usually go to bed.
Plastic said: I zone out staring at the HDMI plug on the projector
That's meditation!
Plastic said:I'm fitting external lights on the house. Job is either done or not.
Love it!
First one this morning - it's odd - I can't do the deep breathing exercise - too painful - so I zone out staring at the HDMI plug on the projector.
We had to set a goal for the week - the others have difficulty pinning something down - they want to do 'more' or 'less' of something - very hard to measure their success. I'm fitting external lights on the house. Job is either done or not. Fitted 2 so far - tired now - fit another tomorrow.
I need more hands. Many hands make light work.
I was thinking about you the other day, Plastic. You never mentioned the Hope course again. You said you were thinking about going to the first session to see what it was all about.
This where I don't fit. I started a 'hope' course for the terminally ill - I can see how broken most people are when bad things happen to them. This course is to redirect thinking into a more positive mode - but I'm already the most depressed but positive and motivated person in the room. I can see how different I am to the others.
Yes, that sounds right. She says that no one is responsible for our suffering (not even us) but that suffering is a result of us believing our negative thoughts about a situation, person. Rather than trying to not believe what we are thinking, it's better to gently question the thoughts in our mind to test whether they are genuinely true for us or not. That way, we don't let go of our thoughts, they let go of us.
Yes, someone I knew went to see her in conference, they've lived her 'philosophy' for many years. We debated a lot about some of her work which I just couldn't understand.
They gave me their book to read, 'Loving what is' and I also tried to do the worksheets but always got stuck at the 'turning it around' part.
She claims no matter what happens to a person we are responsible for our own suffering, not the person who causes us the damage, they don't cause our suffering, they don't cause the damage, we do.
I gave up on it because I just could not get my brain to reason that.
PTSD is like being forced to watch Mrs Brown's Boys on a loop.
I'm not sure I understand this. All my life has been very, very real. There's not really a different way of looking at the experiences - they just happened.
https://youtu.be/b3oEZknx9u4
Have you ever heard of Byron Katie? She struggled for decades with suicidal thoughts, agoraphobia and paranoia. She developed a process of self-inquiry that has helped people get out of their mental ruts and overcome depression. You write your thought down on paper and then put it under investigation by asking four questions.
It's like putting your brain into safe mode while you detect and clean out the viruses.
One on my mini-traumas is a blood test that went wrong and ended up ripping my vein and there was blood squirting everywhere - the room looked like an abattoir and the nurse couldn't stop the bleeding - I passed out.
I have to go for lots of blood tests and needles.
It's hard to do.
The only thing available to us to break the cycle is to somehow view the event(s) through a more constructive lens and re-create more pleasant emotions. In other words, change the memory of the event. Not by some silly effort at positive thinking, but by rational investigation of our beliefs, assumptions and conclusions about the incident(s).
Yeah - the modification of behaviours to avoid triggers. I find I'm getting incredibly tired - almost like once triggered, it immediately flattens the battery - 100 to 0 instantly.
Like the brain overload just switches me off.