Published on 12, July, 2020
So, today, is a crying day for me. For no reason at all, I feel tearful. I can carry on with my daily stuff, but at intervals, I stop and have a good weep. I guess it's depression and anxiety, but I wonder if it's to do with my autistic brain rather than classic depression. I feel alone and lonely, unlovable, unloved and unloving. This makes me even more prone to tears. I'm not suicidal. I never want to take my own life. I love being alive. It might be that I am overwhelmed by emotions from the previous day or thoughts and emotions about an upcoming event, and maybe this is my way of releasing tension.
**update**Since posting, I've found some useful information about a possible explanation. "Autistic people who have trouble identifying their emotions, a condition known as alexithymia, are likely to have anxiety, depression and problems with social communication, according to a new study. Roughly half of autistic people experience alexithymia, which translates to ‘no words for emotions’ and is characterised by difficulties with identifying and describing one’s own feelings." This is more complicated than it seems. It doesn't mean that I don't have a vocabulary for my emotions, for me, at least, it's about not paying proper attention to my internal emotional states until they are too strong to ignore, and then I get confused by the sensations.https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/difficulty-identifying-emotions-linked-to-poor-mental-health-in-autistic-people/I hope this can help someone else too.
I just found this link its an alexthimia test I got 155 which was high it doesn't take long either
www.alexithymia.us/.../
I tired to do a similar test in the past but found it difficult to answer the questions
Wow. Thanks for finding this, O.
Definitely discovered a lot more about myself after this. It's funny how I wouldn't have said I found identifying emotions as difficult, yet it really seems obvious now. It took doing a questionnaire - which may or may not be trustworthy, it doesn't matter - for me to open up to this idea. I now I think I 'get' a lot of other things... not knowing how a conversation is going, not knowing how people feel about me... unless both of these are stated in real time and updated as needed. So many 'ah ha' moments.... May need a nap later to process what I'm realising!!
Wish it was possible to find out who/what was behind the website and the test.
Wow, I was surprised by my result too. 140 and also described as high. The questions they asked helped... I had no idea it might affect all those situations.
Thanks for the link. K - I'm shocked.