I'm 23, female and struggling with it all

Awareness logically should help a lot. I am now aware of some of the things that trigger me. These are totally normal for most people so all they see is a reaction to nothing. Most people, well, friends, family, colleagues etc wouldn't intentionally hurt you, but if they don't know, they can easily do it unintentionally. In addition to being puzzled. When you're I that zone it can be hard to explain. This is why I prefer awareness when calm.

I found that including my partner realy helped bring her into the situation, rather than alienating her. Its never easy and some people do not want to have added pressure, but its also true that just being aware can take some pressure away as well

I have talked about her researching it, i just think its alot for her aswell and she doesnt quite gets it all so to speak even though shes been supportive throughout so maybe see if theyll talk to us both but include my mum in how she can deal better or if she needs support cos its a strain

My partner and I keep a diary of our son's meltdowns, though he is about to start primary school.

I did a lot of self analysing of everything when I was younger, though nowerdays I know this doesn't lead to anything good, and can in fact make me more anxious. I have previousy written things down, though I have never kept any of my writings. In fact I think thats why I like the forum so much as it helps me satisfy this outlet.

I would say you need to know you are safe and that you can fall back on your family for support. It may be that if you don't feel that you have their support, or you do not think they understand, that you can mention this to your doctor / psycologist. It may be they have experience with families in this situation and can offer some sort of group help.

I got told alot that i was a selfish girl, i never thought about others, only of myself, only give a *** about myself, greedy etc etc while i was growing up and i think thats why mentally i clash with my autism diagnosis? From what i see its alot about adjusting for the said person, making sure theres little tweaks in everyday life to help them along

but if im pretty ingrained with the idea of i should be flexible to everyone else i cant be selfish i need to help and do this and that and not say i dont want to go to the shop because the idea of the counter lady saying anything other than "thats £4.30 please" will send me into a verbal free for all of the first word that comes out so i can understand and fully agree i put myself in situations without taking myself into consideration (not wanting to sound like a Martyr) but thats because im worried about the opinion of me if i dont? Coupled again with the fact that my family just sees me as an emotional dark cloud that withh blank the hell out of everything real life

Thank you also, theres nothing more refreshing than talking to people who want to talk about the scientific side of things and the understanding and being able to have an exchange 

Hello ^^ i will happily check out your poetry!!

I made a long reply further down i hope you wouldnt mind taking a read?

I agree entirely with the Empathy side of autism, i cant stand nor do i want to be involved in "bitching" about someone, ill talk about a situation, discuss and make afew points if the person is there but if its purely for the entertainement of those people i am un-interested whether from being bullied myself or not, i am also acutely sensitive to violence? Couldnt give a flying donkey about myself but the thought of a family/friend even a complete stranger being punched or hurt makes me distressed, and anything more than that feels like a warzone, again i dont know whether to put that down to divorced parents always smashing things or my own intolerance, i also dont want to go nit picking through everything and making excuses out of my autism when they could not be linked to them?

Its hard when you dont know what to do in every word of the sence lol...

Thank you for the warm welcome and kind words i never really felt justified to use my autism as an explanation as to why im acting how i am because i felt like i was giving a a half arsed reason of "this is how i am, deal with it" i do need to work on some self acceptance ive checked and rechecked this forum reading as i go, from the lack of support all the way to familys having breakthroughs ive really needed this sort of... information, i guess i expected a movie psychologist to sit me down.. id rabble on about everything and afterwards he wpuld bullet point what i had, what was wrong and what was needed to sort it out and ive been holding onto that this entire time :/

I am very sensitive, i cut myself off (selective mute i think its called) when i have so much in my head to say but i cant bring it out or dont even want to be acknowledged/looked at, but i also have the instances where i completely burst out and meltdown and its never the trigger, the trigger set me off but id then pull mental videos of when i was a kid/teenager/different situations from my past and then just chew on the bit so to speak about it all!, someone explained it as having X going off in your head, but Y and Z have also joined in

im definately going to check the video out, i am at a the disadadvantage of my family members dont see it as a priority? Not that i want to be "i have issues, you need to fix yourself i dont need to fix myself" but if i put it across as "i need help, i would like you to help me"? Im so bloody terrible with the understanding and the talking i spend so long in my room going over my interactions with people like what did you say that for? Why did you act like that? That wasnt right was it?" I do feel there is SO SO SO much self judgement already but its like i have my own bully telling me all the things im doing wrong but not being able to completely do them right anyway?

Has anyone had to keep a diary or wrote down when they had meltdowns or wrote down when theyve had good experiences associated with their ASD? No ones really told me what to do since my diagnosis and there might not be anything to actually do? But i feel deflated not to do anything and worried if i start doing something its silly, wrong, or pointless because i dont even know what to do/look out for? Again abit of bumble about sorry but thank you so much for reading and replying

Hi Abby.

Welcome to the forum! Also I would not worry for an instance about saying something wrong. One of the joys of a place like this is you can get things out you would not normally say. 

It took me till I received my diagnosis at 33 to realise that years of depression was a side affect of my ASD. I had always been treated as someone with Depression because of events in my life, treated with medication for a period of time till I was 'ok', then a year later the cycle would begin again. Now I have a diagnosis I am able to speak to my doctor from a better place, knowing that it is better to deal with my ASD, as when this is managed well, my mood / anxiety and everything else improves. 

I have 3 children, and I spend a lot of time driving my partner mad, as there are so many things I do that are strange, and I miss so many cues that most people take for granted. The key to not going completely mad is that I know they all love me, and that making mistakes will not drive them away. This has really helped me stabilise my life.

The whole NAS website is full of helpful things, and the 'To Much Information' part is a great place to show other people what ASD can be like:

http://www.autism.org.uk/get-involved/tmi.aspx

I have made all my family watch the video and take the quiz, to demonstrate what it can be like to get sensory overload, and why I sometimes need to take myself away for some quiet time.

Don't feel like your alone, as there are many people who can relate to you. If you have any questions, there will always be someone in the forum with either wise words, or just an ear to listen :)

Hi Abby so nice to meet you,well virtually anyway, you are now in a safe place with like minded people, yes we are all individuals but most share certain traits, I enjoyed reading your words,meaning I understood perfectly well everything you wanted to say, never be afraid to say what you need to. I have written more on this forum than I have ever written and don't expect anyone to respond but it helps me.

I am an older male but I can associate with a lot of what you have or are going through.please try to relax as you are not here to be judged or corrected, we all know what it is like to receive negative attitude or bullying. We are gifted for being autistic we care more as we experience so much negativety, I decided we need a new word just for us, the word is AUTEMPATHY, yeah autism and empathy. I prefer seeing the world through open eyes and understanding if not actually doing anything about it.

I look forward to reading more from you as it all seems so familiar.

Hey Abbey, (I am at present only self-diagnosed.) Awaiting the NHS, I am 53 at the end of this month. In the first instance if you can, I have written some poetry for everyone on this site. Take a read, see if you relate, hope it helps you. 

PS. please do leave a comment.

Regards,

Hendrow.

:D

Welcome to the forums Abby, By the sounds of things, you've had your own version of what many of us have had, myself included. When you can't seem to fit into what people see as normal, you look for why. I've been through the whole depression, insomnia thing too. Nothing worked for me. I only stumbled across Aspergers a few weeks ago. It's been like the veil being lifted. I now see that so man traits I thought were something else, or "just me" are actually my Aspergers taking control. It annoys me that it's taken until now (I'm 44) to figure this out. On the other hand, I genuinely feel like I've moved the needle now. I've now started to tweak my environment to minimise sensory overload etc. With this and more tweaks I can remain n control of myself. I can make my work environment more stable, which gives me less stress, be more efficient, more enjoyable and feel like I've achieved something and that I'm going somewhere. I fight back on the unimportant things, like I now shuffle my albums.

Being able to distinguish the difference may not be the way to look at things. There are traits that many people with Autism have. Everyone is different. If you spend some time thinking about how it affects you, then look at the scientific reasoning behind it. This lets you modify your environment. This should help improve your mood. It could easily be your obliviousness to the autism that means you've inadvertently put yourself in trigger areas, which has made you stand out even more from the norm, which has led to (or at least contributed to) depression.

This is new to me, That said, this forum is really nice. Everyone is friendly. You're not alone. One part of how Aspergers affects me is my inability to empathise with others. This forum helps me do that. I read how others describe their symptoms, and how they're adapting. For me, it was an explanation for so much that I didn't understand before now. There is no cure. It's also not a bad thing. I know I have some traits that make me stand out in a good way. I now know these are likely my Aspergers. My key is "I have to control it, not let it control me". This is why the X-Men Cyclops avatar.