Hello Everyone

I never thought about ASD or whether or not I may or may not have it until a year or two ago when my sister said she thought I may have Aspergers (she has a son that was diagnosed with it some years ago). Others had made similar comments before but I immediately dismissed them. I was just a geek. Nothing else.

On and off since then I've thought about it and thought that maybe my "geek tendencies" could be ASD, maybe.

I started realising things like the fact that I never look people in the eyes (I watch people's mouth when they speak). I've always struggled to make friends, only had a few growing up and haven't really had any through my adult life (I'm 44). I get obsessed with ideas and can concentrate to the exclusion of everything else. I research anything I am interested in - as an example, I decided to plant a cherry tree in my back garden. By the time I'd chosen one to buy I could tell you all about the different varieties, how they are pollinated and even the different types of root stock. I'm good with numbers, programs and I always joke that I think in straight lines and most other people think in squiggly lines. Unsurprisingly, in a test of logic and reasoning I tested in the 95 percentile and I have real difficulty breaking the rules.

I know I have always been different. Other people and their emotions confuse me. Communication is not my friend, although I've learned as I got older to get much better at faking it (I think). I was once described as being "honest to the point of tactlessness".

Rather than go on and on, I would just like to say that finding this forum and reading through the other posts has been a god send. Reading everyone else's story, I can see commonality that I have never seen before and potential indicators that I have never considered - like "mirroring" to fit in - that pretty much describes my life. Someone else mentioned fixating on a problem and excluding everything else (I'd never heard of anyone else that matches my level of concentration like that until now). Reading the struggles and stories that other people have I can relate even if I have only mentioned the "surface" stuff above.

Even if I do nothing else beyond hanging out here and reading posts, I think this forum is going to help me understand more of who I am and maybe the version of me that I try my best to pretend doesn't exist isn't quite as weird as I thought.

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