Published on 12, July, 2020
my name is barry. i am 56 yeas old. i am at the end of my tether and enough is enough. my son is 17 in march and was diagnosed with autism last summer. we had to go private because the school was more than useless. up until my son was 8 he was (what we believe) a "normal" child. no adverse signs. progressively over the last 9 years he has got worse and worse. totally disruptive behavior at school and more and more destructive. he now clashes with his mom (my partner) as i'm new to this could anyone advise/direct me in the right direction. nothing is ever his fault and the way his mom speaks to him winds him up. i could go on for hours. do we have to wrap him up in cotton wool? i love him to bits but cannot go on like this.
I'm an autistic woman who has worked in a role supporting autistic university students. I disagree with the poster who states 'emotional intelligence in autistic people is usually equivalent to half that of their physical age'. This hasn't been my personal or professional experience.
Autistic people tend to have different sensory and communication needs to those around them, which can make life challenging. It sounds like your son's world become more and more difficult for from age 8 upwards and despite clearly demonstrating his anguish through challenging behaviour his needs haven't been listened to (hence the late diagnosis) or met? The crowds, lighting, smells and social expectations of school made it a very taxing experience from me. In contrast to your sons behaviour, I internalised my issues, which led to daily migraines and eventually a suicide attempt due to increasing mental ill health. As such, I think it's fantastic that your son is able to show his distress so openly.
Why does the way his mum speak to him 'wind him up'? If you're able to explain this, this form may be able to advise ways in which she could communicate more effectively.
What books, videos etc have you already watched to try and understand the different needs your has and how you can communicate more effectively as a family? If you let us know what you've looked at already the forum may be able to suggest additional resources.
thankyou. his mom winds him up by calling him "oliver" rather than "olly" and flying into him for his untidiness and disorganization. as i approach him more on a diplomatic scale and speak to him calmly.