Preserving self with angry teen

I never thought I would use a forum like this, but if I talk to friends they judge my son and he doesn’t stand a chance in the local community. I feel so alone with a 16 year old who I love and want to protect and yet launch into the world.  He is lovely until his special interest is challenged or he doesn’t have things as he wants them. Then he is so angry, selfish and hurtful that I am left feeling devastated. I can’t focus on work, my home is a tip which isn’t helped when he has an outburst and breaks things, my husband tries to support but doesn’t get the emotional abuse that I do, my teenage daughter doesn’t care any more. I feel so much hurt and sometimes I hate my son. What kind of mother hates her child? There’s no help here for families as far as I can see and he is STILL waiting for a formal diagnosis. Maybe I’m going mad? I want to walk away screaming and never come back. Sorry to use this space to rant, but there is nowhere to go.