Hi - Mum of autistic young man

I am very proud and relieved ,the fact he’s left home and getting married left me a little dazed because I thought he would be home longer but you know he’s independent coping and that’s what matters .i still get his washing but don’t mind all’s good x

Thanks for your reply. That is fantastic you must be so proud. Best wishes to all of you.

Every best wishes to you, your son and girlfriend.

Hi Nicki I am mum to 22 year old son with Asperger , it has been long road and I was really unsure when he got to 18 how life would be ,he applied for many many jobs I kept encouraging him but he became very down he thought no one would give him a chance now at 22 he has been working full time for two years ,a job he loves ,he has moved in with his girlfriend ,got engaged and now saving and planning his wedding ,there is light at the end of the tunnel hope all goes well for you ,stay positive x

Hi, 

My son was diagnosed this year at 7 years old. 

I am constantly asking the same question. I was also 22 when i had him no complications etc

Hi nicky, 

my name is adrian and was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3. wellcome to the forum. my special interest is disney characters and costumed characters. what is your eldest son's special interest.

Hi do you know if I should have power of attorney in place? And is it essential?

People are certainly more aware of conditions like autism now,my son was diagnosed 17 years ago at the age of 11.

My father(who passed away in 2017) would have been 90 this year.He and his siblings were probably considered to be a little odd 'back in the day' whereas now I'm sure the majority of them would be diagnosed with some form of autism.

Probably as many are autistic now as ever. Just the rate of diagnosis is increasing because if better services and higher awareness. Things that were not problematic or even advantageous in a more traditional society are now coming to the fore because the modern society is intensive in communication and interaction.

Something is disturbing your child whether they are male or female. It could be they Understand that their Employment or Studies will end and they have an uncertain future. You have a family crisis that may affect them. They are perhaps being bullied somehow. They like/dislike someone. Their sexual hormones are changing and they become very frustrated in their own world of existence. Too much pressure is put on them, or you, completing Massive forms for benefit entitlement when ticking the wrong box gives a completely different result they need that requires an appeal. I have spent something like months filling in 30+ page documents DWP benefit agency ESA and PIP in 3 variously corrected copies reading and rereading the meaning of what is really meant by the questions, some are obvious of course, some are deceptive. With Pip I even sent in corrections after I had submitted the final form, before a decision had been made. All copied, and with a free certificate of posting on request from the Post office. Always keep all paper copies of what is sent and the Drafts. They can be a full box file of Paper. Always back date any claim you make to a an earlier date if you can prove it. We are all human and we are all fallible. While there is also the Public service Ombudsman with what seems to be limited to within 6 months, Where as an Unpaid Carer of Last Resort do you get the luxury of time to deal with fighting in my case where Public can be shown to have lied to avoid paying out and you are years behind what should have been dealt with earlier. They know it.

Hi Jam. I completely understand. Being a parent of autistic children and young people is a very intense and at times upsetting life and it doesn't miraculously get better after 18, just the problems are different. It is as rewarding as any parenting, but conventional wisdom and practices don't really work for us, do they?  It is upsetting mostly because their is not much support that is helpful enough to make a difference. We love our children so much and trying our best, but basically there are always new challenges and you don't know how to deal with them, how to help, while professionals indeed go home at 5 and even between 9 and 5 don't have any pertinent answers. This is what I struggled with. 

I suppose the relationship between parents and young people should change anyway at certain stage, as they become more mature, independent and take full ownership of their life. But for autistic youngsters it doesn't always work as neatly I suppose. It doesn't  for us.

You are saying he is changing, may I ask in what way, could you expand? He is reacting to something for weeks, so it must be hurtful and important for him, what it means for him is not trivial.

Try speaking to the NHS Staff of your Local Authority's Social Services for Adults. What we all need is More respite placings for our loved ones. just remember All employed professionals  all go home at 5 o clock, probably only work half the week, have every weekend off, Have at least the minimum 4 weeks holidays, Plus a further 8 days public holidays You probably need some respite and often. Remember There is Firstly Your G.P.,  The CAB, Benefit agencies, Your elected representatives, MP's, MEP's,  Councillors, and local organisations. if you can find the time to contact them.

When your autistic child can recognise your stress, it affects their sense of predictability of their future and can even be a trigger for them attacking those that love them. 

hi I'm Jan I'm just so emotionally upset because I see my son changing I worry and think is it just autism or something else I've asked this to the professionals and they say it's just autism it's the constant talking to himself he's a bit of a jerkil and hide. We feel we're walking on egg shells and if say the wrong thing or ask the same question twice he goes on at us for hours days weeks for very trivial things it's so mentally draining.

Sorry to hear about your situation and i constantly thinks about what's ahead but my plan is for my son to his own flat when he reaches about 25 with support I really wouldn't like my son to stay with me until later in life not fare on him or us. But who knows he could very well be with us until then the way cuts are these days. It's an emotional rollercoaster for us all.

M son's milestone's were perfectly normal up until age 2yrs when his speech wasn't developing then the terrible screaming and tantrums became really bad thankfully he attended a special needs nursery and was diagnosed age 3 by a doctor and psychologist. He attended special needs school age 5 a fantastic school with excellent teachers who taught my son to talk. But when my son was born right until age 2 he was a perfectly normal baby that didn't show any worrying signs I personally don't believe it's genetic. At the point when my son was being diagnosed I had 2 neighbours kids all showing signs of autism and it turned out to be that's what it was so 3 kids in 1 street and the professionals say it's genetics well I don't have anyone in the family who has it but I'm not arguing with anyone the point is it's lifelong and we just have to except and get on with it. I've just joined this group to find ways to help my son I'm emotionally exhausted just now I very upset of seeing my son changing I feel some how it's changes in his brain that's going on. just a few years ago when he was at secondary school he seemed a normal young man with a bright future that's just not the case at the moment. 

Welcome. My daughter is 21. It has been a hard journey and it never ends, there are new challenges at each turn :)

You indicate your younger son was diagnosed at the age of 3, This is about the minimum age 3.5 years a doctor or medical professional will commit themselves to the diagnosis, This will have been because of his increasing unusual behaviors and development, that worried you. 

Being born is obviously a stressful process for all concerned. This can include damage to the infants brain, whether physical, because it gets deformed, or lack of oxygen. There is several other underlying medical conditions that may be associated with a child being autistic. and the same goes for genetic heredity factors. 

Autism is a spectrum of behaviours, that are uncontrollable to the afflicted as environmental stress builds up.,  There is no cure despite all the Quack websites saying. they have it.  

What is needed it for the autistic person to have a stress free and predictable environment for their whole life, where any changes are done at their pace as they may develop.

You, as your sons's parents, have become without you realising it,  His Unpaid Parent Carers of Last Resort for 168 hours a week, less any time you may get respite when he is at College or the Garden Centre. This will still leave you coping for something like 133 hrs a week, which may be for the rest of your life , or until you have a Crisis when your health breaks down completely. 

This is the increasing worry, for Me aged 80, my wife 77 with our severely autistic son aged 36, who has no knowledge of the impending future, we are putting off as long as possible. because he is in a safe environment. except it's for 168 hours a week 24x7 for two carers needed constantly. Where our Local Authority withdrew funding for two needed employed carers  4.5 years ago. This is obviously an abuse of us, as My sons Needed Unpaid Parent Carers of Last resort, because when we fail They will farm him out as a package, where he will no doubt get abused by a procession of  so called employed carers, according to media revelations. My Local authority thinks nothing of spending £6million on sand in the sea to make a beach for tourists for the benefit of shopkeepers. But have withdrawn about £150,000 for my sons needed Carers for just 35hrs of the 168 hrs in a week..  Currently His respite is just over £405 per night at 2012 rates, when we can get it, None since last December. We are lucky we will get 3 nights respite in two weeks time.(hopefully).

www.psychologytoday.com/.../what-causes-autism-spectrum-disorder

I would just like to say how come so many people are autistic now it seems to be in our neighbourhood community friends of friends kids have it I mean come on they say genetics environments I don't believe any of it something's causing it. During my pregnancy I was healthy didn't drink alcohol or smoke and I was only 22.

Hi I'm Jan my son's autistic he's almost 21 he was diagnosed at 3yrs attended special schools he's very clever he's not severely but I would say his behaviour becoming increasingly worrying he has developed tics strange facial expressions grunts a lot constantly talking to himself he attends college and goes to a garden centre which caters for his needs but not seeing any improvement just all a complete worry he has a very good supportive family which is just myself husband and older son.