Hi all.

Hi all,

I've just joined the forum and wanted to say hi and let you know a bit about me.

I'm Sean, 38 from near Bournemouth - big football fan and enjoy playing on my PlayStation. I’ve yet to really grow up!

more important than any of this though is my daughter. She’s 4, starting school in September and was diagnosed autistic about 6-9 months ago. She really is our ray of sunshine. Very funny little girl, has the best laugh and is very much a daddy’s girl. Particularly when she wants something! She has speech delay and while we couldn’t count her words, she does lack conversational skills. One of the biggest issues we have is worrying about her safety as she doesn’t listen or take commands very well unless there’s something to pull her concentration in that she’s interested in or something like a sweet as a reward. We’re currently on holiday with friends who have two girls who have no issues and this has really highlighted our little girls issues. The hotel were in is extremely family friendly and very much geared towards younger kids, but it’s busy, quite loud and there’s always something going on. This is just too much for her so she has found a routine of running to a spot, playing a game, running back to the table having dropped her hat at the same point. This will go on for as long as she can have it. Whilst I’m happy she’s happy, it would be amazing to be able to sit as a family and enjoy the entertainment. But that’s not the life we lead right now!

She’s due to start school in September and we’re very worried about her starting. She doesn’t sit if she doesn’t want to, meal times are completely at her pace and timing (no matter what we do, very hit and miss) and she does like to hit if children get into her space and she can’t get away.

She’s come a long way to be fair, but she does leap then fall back before leaping forward again which is a mixture of very tough and very rewarding.

Parents
  • One of the biggest issues we have is worrying about her safety as she doesn’t listen or take commands very well unless there’s something to pull her concentration in that she’s interested in or something like a sweet as a reward.

    I am dyspraxic with add symptoms, as well as what I suspect is autism. I had and still have problems with following instructions and keeping still - for the most part, as I experience hyperfocus and fixation when obsessed about a topic.

    When I was at that age, just starting preschool, I remember being very active and stuck in 'play mode' as all children naturally are. I too also had speech delays and also a hearing problem and had gromets put in, as I had constant earache.

    Children need to engage in games that are meaningful and have a defined goal in mind, this is in order for them to learn how to focus their attention. Try to find games she can play that produce this effect. If they are sufficiently challenged (stimulated), they will exhaust their energy and should then calm down, which would be the time where you decide to watch some entertainment etc.

    When my parents would take me out, this is how they would do it: Allow me to exhaust myself, and then when I calm down they will judge how I am by saying: "Are you tired now? Are you hungry? Let's go have something to eat?", that prompting and dialogue is something you should get a habit of doing - it's a way for your daughter to understand that at some point she will exhaust herself, which is when it's time to calm down and focus on a shared activity. -- This is why in preschool they allow the children to play and then they have sleep/story time. If you are worried about her being in school, ask about whether they employ these calming/focusing activities - I suspect it's now common practice.

    Note: If she is continually stimulated and doesn't seem to want to stop, it could be that they have deficits in reading facial expressions and emotion. Infants learn to be very empathetic to the mothers needs, this remains throughout the childs life. If the mother is present, she should use empathy as a way to calm her down and realign her attention - for instance: "Mommy wants to do this.. Will you do that for me?" "Mommy is hungry. Let's go eat" etc.

Reply
  • One of the biggest issues we have is worrying about her safety as she doesn’t listen or take commands very well unless there’s something to pull her concentration in that she’s interested in or something like a sweet as a reward.

    I am dyspraxic with add symptoms, as well as what I suspect is autism. I had and still have problems with following instructions and keeping still - for the most part, as I experience hyperfocus and fixation when obsessed about a topic.

    When I was at that age, just starting preschool, I remember being very active and stuck in 'play mode' as all children naturally are. I too also had speech delays and also a hearing problem and had gromets put in, as I had constant earache.

    Children need to engage in games that are meaningful and have a defined goal in mind, this is in order for them to learn how to focus their attention. Try to find games she can play that produce this effect. If they are sufficiently challenged (stimulated), they will exhaust their energy and should then calm down, which would be the time where you decide to watch some entertainment etc.

    When my parents would take me out, this is how they would do it: Allow me to exhaust myself, and then when I calm down they will judge how I am by saying: "Are you tired now? Are you hungry? Let's go have something to eat?", that prompting and dialogue is something you should get a habit of doing - it's a way for your daughter to understand that at some point she will exhaust herself, which is when it's time to calm down and focus on a shared activity. -- This is why in preschool they allow the children to play and then they have sleep/story time. If you are worried about her being in school, ask about whether they employ these calming/focusing activities - I suspect it's now common practice.

    Note: If she is continually stimulated and doesn't seem to want to stop, it could be that they have deficits in reading facial expressions and emotion. Infants learn to be very empathetic to the mothers needs, this remains throughout the childs life. If the mother is present, she should use empathy as a way to calm her down and realign her attention - for instance: "Mommy wants to do this.. Will you do that for me?" "Mommy is hungry. Let's go eat" etc.

Children
  • Hi Bob!

    thanks for your reply. My little girl actually is quite empathetic - she will often tell us she’s happy or sad and will pick up on our moods as well. I’ve never though of using this to help her understand how her actions can impact others and give her more of an understanding of the broader world, good shout!