Hello there, I am new here and was looking for some advice but before you do let me tell you my story:
Two weeks ago my boyfriend of two years was told that he was on the autistic spectrum, this did not come as a shock to me as I knew he had dyspraxia and correct me if I'm wrong there are a few similarities or it's also a part of the autistic spectrum? We haven't had the best two years, we have had out ups and downs for example: June last year he ended things two days before we were meant to go on holiday and just left me in his house with his parents and I didn't see him for 6 weeks. We managed to work things out and he explained that he felt like a bad boyfriend as he found being in a relationship overwhelming and hard to understand as he overthinks every little thing that would just go over my head and it's unpredictable. I told him that if we both want this relationship to work then we both need to work at it.
Since we've been together I knew he also had mental health issues due to childhood memories and bad relationships so I knew it would take time for him to feel safe with me but I was also on guard due to him just leaving me out of the blue a few months back (he really broke my heart) fast forward to now, him and I moved in to a house owned by his parents this was to see how he would cope in the adult world, his mood has been low for a few weeks and he has spoken to me about it saying he's hearing voices and is afraid he may have schizophrenia. I told him that I am here to support him through anything. He ended up leaving our home on the Sunday saying he needed space and I respected that (I read that people with autism need some space and alone time) when I came home on the Thursday I found a half typed (which I'm sure his mum typed), half written letter ending our relationship for the same reasons as before and saying he doesn't think he can never hold a relationship and that he loves me.
I am obviously devastated as I don't think this is the answer but I don't know what to do, I haven't seen him since he left last Sunday and he hasn't been texting me either (unlike last time) everyone including his parents are telling me to walk away but how can I walk away from the man I love? I want to be there to help him through anything but he's shut down everything and is not communicating with me! What do I do?? Do I walk away? Is there no hope?
His mum doesn't help the situation as she has always picked up the pieces that he has left behind, he has never had to or been encouraged to stand on his own two feet or take responsibility, he has been molicoddled by her for 25 years, I understand that she is his mum but I don't think that this has helped him or encouraged him to try and stand in his own two feet.
Thanks in advance, your advice will be very helpful
I know, I agree he should have stayed medicated, he was on antidepressants for a bit and he said that they haven't helped him so he decided to come of them and his mum supported him with that decision. I honestly didn't think that was the best idea as I noticed he was more relaxed and more understanding about things that used to normally annoy him. I think he wanted to stop taking them as he put some weight on and I know that used to get him down but he should have gone to the doctor first and ask about an alternative method.
I did ask why he didn't go back to the doctor that put him on the medication for the voices in his head but he ignored the question. I didn't want to keep on as I could tell that he was uncomfortable
People who suffer from schizophrenia usually need to take a maintenance dose, even when they are well, to try to prevent or lessen future relapses. Unfortunately it is a disorder that one does not recover from completely but rather a disorder of remissions and relapsing. Unfortunately a side effect of antipsychotic medication is to feel ‘out of it’. But it needs to be taken in order to work. I strongly suggest that your boyfriend needs to get assessed by his GP ASAP.
I think that they have become a symbiotic organism. He chooses not to separate himself and she doesn't let go either.
I think it will be impossible to pry him away.
I think it's narcissism to be honest. I do love his mum, she has helped me with alot and I know that it's hard for her as he's her only child, he was 3 months premature so she nearly lost him so I can understand why she's so obsessed with him but she isn't helping him in the long run.
I know the sad thing is that I never wanted to take him away from her, I only wanted to show him that he can live an independent life that he always told me he wanted. I know he's capable because when his parents have gone away on holiday for 2/3 weeks he has been fine and enjoyed living an adult life.
I really wish I could tell him that but I don't think he'd take my advice.
2 or 3 weeks is a fixed period of instability with a known ending back to the comfort zone. I suspect he will have difficulty with the concept of leaving home for good and not going back to live there every now & then.
I guess so, thank you all for your advice and input. This has helped me so much