Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello there, I am new here and was looking for some advice but before you do let me tell you my story:
Two weeks ago my boyfriend of two years was told that he was on the autistic spectrum, this did not come as a shock to me as I knew he had dyspraxia and correct me if I'm wrong there are a few similarities or it's also a part of the autistic spectrum? We haven't had the best two years, we have had out ups and downs for example: June last year he ended things two days before we were meant to go on holiday and just left me in his house with his parents and I didn't see him for 6 weeks. We managed to work things out and he explained that he felt like a bad boyfriend as he found being in a relationship overwhelming and hard to understand as he overthinks every little thing that would just go over my head and it's unpredictable. I told him that if we both want this relationship to work then we both need to work at it.
Since we've been together I knew he also had mental health issues due to childhood memories and bad relationships so I knew it would take time for him to feel safe with me but I was also on guard due to him just leaving me out of the blue a few months back (he really broke my heart) fast forward to now, him and I moved in to a house owned by his parents this was to see how he would cope in the adult world, his mood has been low for a few weeks and he has spoken to me about it saying he's hearing voices and is afraid he may have schizophrenia. I told him that I am here to support him through anything. He ended up leaving our home on the Sunday saying he needed space and I respected that (I read that people with autism need some space and alone time) when I came home on the Thursday I found a half typed (which I'm sure his mum typed), half written letter ending our relationship for the same reasons as before and saying he doesn't think he can never hold a relationship and that he loves me.
I am obviously devastated as I don't think this is the answer but I don't know what to do, I haven't seen him since he left last Sunday and he hasn't been texting me either (unlike last time) everyone including his parents are telling me to walk away but how can I walk away from the man I love? I want to be there to help him through anything but he's shut down everything and is not communicating with me! What do I do?? Do I walk away? Is there no hope?
His mum doesn't help the situation as she has always picked up the pieces that he has left behind, he has never had to or been encouraged to stand on his own two feet or take responsibility, he has been molicoddled by her for 25 years, I understand that she is his mum but I don't think that this has helped him or encouraged him to try and stand in his own two feet.
Thanks in advance, your advice will be very helpful
What I picked out from all of this was the fact that he’s hearing voices and may have schizophrenia. The evidence suggests that unfortunately schizophrenia is much more common in individuals with Autism than it is in non-autistic individuals (1 in 8 as opposed to 1 in 100 according to the last paper that I read on the subject). Is there a possibility that these episodes where he leaves you for a number of weeks correlate to him possibly having a psychotic episode? Has he ever been formally diagnosed with schizophrenia? Is there a chance that he has been diagnosed and his parents are aware, so he goes there for a bit, goes back on the antipsychotic medication and basically sorts his head out then comes back to you once he’s feeling better? People with schizophrenia can experience all manner of strange and bizarre internal states of reality as well as suffering from crippling paranoia this can lead to ‘odd’ behaviour. Is it possible that he is simply not able to cope and needs to hide out until he feels better as well as trying to protect you from it?
I'm not sure! He just said that he was on medication but then stopped them after a bit because he was completely out of it.
People who suffer from schizophrenia usually need to take a maintenance dose, even when they are well, to try to prevent or lessen future relapses. Unfortunately it is a disorder that one does not recover from completely but rather a disorder of remissions and relapsing. Unfortunately a side effect of antipsychotic medication is to feel ‘out of it’. But it needs to be taken in order to work. I strongly suggest that your boyfriend needs to get assessed by his GP ASAP.
I really wish I could tell him that but I don't think he'd take my advice.