I have a 13 year old son who I believe has PDA. He's recently been self medicating with smoking weed and I really don't know how to deal with him or this situation.
It started in the summer, we tried all the usual methods of punishment such as grounding him, taking his stuff off him, turning off the WiFi etc. He doesn't seem to understand consequences and ran away because we refused to turn the WiFi on. We grounded him and he climbed out of the window in the middle of the night to visit his friends! We tried taking his mobile phone and he became violent, I called the police and he didn't even care. He just sat there and smirked in front of the officer and was disrespectful. He has punched doors, mirrors and throws objects at us if we challenge him on his rudeness or try and take control of a situation regardless of consistency in our approach.
I regularly search his room and confiscate anything to do with weed or smoking. I do not give him any money but he 'earns' his share by rolling for others and he seems to know a lot of other teens who use it so is always able to access it even without any money.
I have tried talking to him to reassure him that we (his parents) are here to support him trying to stop and this is a dangerous path he is taking but he is so cocky, he just tells me that all his mates do it and there is no need to worry! He does it to reduce anxiety and 'chill'.
He was supposed to be assessed in school by an ed psych in September but refuses to go to school a lot so the ed psych made a home visit and chatted to his dad and I instead. We agreed on things like him not having to wear a full school uniform (he wears black skinny jeans and smart black trainers instead), also rather than going to internal exclusion most of the time as this was proving an ineffective method of punishment for him to sit with his head of year instead. He is struggling to go to school at all at the moment even on a reduced timetable and I feel it is only a short matter of time before he is permanently excluded due to his persistent rudeness and inability to do anything he is told to in the class room.
We tried taking him to counselling in the summer, but he refused to engage with the counsellor making our sessions pointless.
His behaviour is making both his dad and I ill and we are now struggling to cope with him. We have a younger child aged 11 with ASD but his behaviour is not aggressive and we are not having any issues with him.
We cannot go on living like this, unfortunately we do not have any relatives he can stay with to give us a break, I know if I called social services he would never forgive me. Does anyone have any idea how I can move forward?
Any strategies or advice would be welcome as we are desperate, and his abusive behaviour is scaring our younger son which I cannot continue to allow.
Many thanks Marie
I smoked dope most days from the age of 15 until I was 57. I used to stop for a month every year, just to prove to myself that I could. During a couple of years of travelling I only smoked it now and then. I gave up tobacco and bought a vape thing for dope. I stopped smoking the modern skunk when I was about 48 as it has negligible or no CBD content. Resin is better as it has CBD. Now, I’m 62, I only smoke dope occasionally. I don’t drink, it gives me hallucinations. Like everything in life, it’s a matter of moderation, not a teenage strong point, I know.
Hi Graham, you are certainly an experienced smoker!! It's interesting you stopped for a month a year just to prove that you could. I wonder if this suggests that weed is not necessarily addictive or whether the nature of addiction is just in one's mind?
It's great you gave up tobacco and now vape instead, I think tobacco is probably way more harmful and addictive than dope anyway. I didn't think there was still resin about - I thought it was all weed these days! Resin mmm takes me back to when I was a teen! Guess maybe it depends which area you live in though.
Hopefully it won't be too long before cannabis is legalised anyway. I can't imagine grown ups like you or I going to meet some dodgy drug dealer to get your dope!
Take care Marie x
Hey Graham. I was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism at the age of fifty one (Aspergers in old money). This is my first time commenting on any thread or forum to do with my condition. I am a freakishly articulate man but recently had a severe melt down that (as is often the case for me) led to a deep and prolonged episode of clinical depression which I am still in. So commenting at all, even stringing a sentence together at the moment, is a daunting prospect. However I felt compelled to respond. I started smoking dubbage at fourteen as well....perhaps puberty and autism is "the moment" for many of us with regards to self medicating. l also quit for a month at a time every year for the same reasons. I call it purging. I get severe night sweats when I do. I have smoked ( and grown weed on and off) for more than thirty years and, as you say, only quit for prolonged periods when travelling because it is much more difficult to score in strange lands. Many of my conclusions and insights about weed smoking are uncannily similar to yours. However your comment about hash containing more CBT than grass was an "Ah ha!" moment. I have had many of those since getting diagnosed as you can imagine, but the CBT comment is one of the biggest. I take what I can get and unlike the old days grass is more common than hash. However thanks to you I now understand why I have always preferred hash. I like grass but it never helped with the core issues I was trying to address, where as hash, in the right amount and in conjunction with other activities always helped. Always. So much so that I am a completely different person when smoking it. Proactive, engaged and optimistic. This is not the case with grass, nor has it ever been. Now I know why. So thanks man. The only problem now, as ever, is a reliable source. I hope to god they legalize it one day. When and if they do my gratitude will be limitless. I suspect many other autists will feel the same,