I feel so isolated and low. I am always excluded from things. I hate spending every evening by myself. I have tried to be good and kind to people but I am still excluded from things because I am just weird and unusual and people don't tend to like me. I have worked very hard to get a place at a good college and improve my physical/mental state but still I feel so excluded from everything. I even got banned from being anywhere near my partner's house because I had a meltdown outside and her housemates heard. I bought a rope the other day and spent the evening walking in the forest looking for somewhere to tie it. I'm feeling really low and have had bad experience with Crisis/MH team and not sure where to turn.Hel
Sorry to hear that you're isolated and feeling like this. I hope the moderators will be along in a bit with some pointers that may help.
I've felt similar in the past, and gradually managed to expand my social circle and the situations I feel comfortable with, so that basically I don't feel excluded any more. If you can get a place at a good college, I think you would be able to do the same.
Are you OK with phoning people? Do you have any friends or family you can talk to or contact, who might understand? I worry when you mention the rope. You can contact the Samaritans on 116 123 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
So you live away from your partner? Can you tell us a specific time when you were excluded? Can you also think of an example when you have felt included?
Sorry for so many questions. Don't feel you have to answer.
Thanks for replying.I am scared about going to study. A new place and new people, with a new routine and new expectations. A very different life. I really want to do well, integrate and I'm worried I won't cope. Last time I went to study I ended up very unwell. I've had some really bad patches.
I don't have any friends nearby. I have parents, my partner and my teachers. I never feel like I can phone anybody at any given time. I don't want to stress anybody.
I do live away from my partner. At the moment she is really struggling to cope with how I am and that makes me feel sad.Getting banned from going to her place made me feel really excluded. Times I have felt included have been when my teachers and mentors have included me in events and activities, introducing me to people and encouraging me.
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time and feeling worried about the transition to studying at college. It’s good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.
You can find some information here which might help, including sources of support which might be available for you: http://www.autism.org.uk/about/transition/starting-college-uni.aspx
If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.
If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx
The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on email@example.com.
MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.
If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.
If you need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed via webform https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104.
I hope this gives you a few options to help you to move forward.
I think I know what you mean about not wanting to phone people. It's hard enough to say what you're feeling or thinking, and then you worry how they might react, and have to answer questions. And then when you do steel yourself to phone someone, they're not there or don't answer, or want to talk about something else, leaving you feeling just as lonely! I think it's better to tell people a little bit of what you're feeling than nothing at all. I kind of compromise & find some people ask for more details, and others take the opportunity to avoid too much depth.
I do think it's worth keeping in touch with your friends who don't live nearby. Maybe just say you're lonely and ask them what they're up to.
It's good when you've had professional help that they've made you feel included. Are your teachers and mentors able to help a bit more now with overcoming the isolation?
There's a certain amount of 'acting as if'. If you face up to a social event, you can come away feeling more confident. But in order to face up to it you have to act as if you already have that confidence. (Feel the fear and do it anyway.) To do that is not dishonest.
What is it about how you are at the moment that your partner is struggling with? So do you prefer if she comes to visit you or you go out together? May be a bit of an odd thing to write, but somehow I can tell you're a good person. Personally, I like 'weird' - it means different and interesting, and other people will appreciate that when they get to know you.
I’m very sorry to hear how you’ve been feeling.
How are feeling now?
I have had similar feelings in the past, please keep in touch.
All the best.
Hi there, sorry about your experience. It must take its toll not only on you but your partner. You don't have to try to be good and kind. Just naturally be yourself. There is nothing wrong with being unique or weird that what makes you stand out as a person. When, I was at College, it was hard for me to come out of my shell engaging with others. But, gradually the more you become familiar with situations like this the easier it should become.
It must be difficult when it seems like your the only one who truly understands or you have to be your own cheerleader. It might be worth speaking to a helpline e.g. Samaritans whether it is by phone, e-mail, text or post...There are other helpline services or organisations but I know Samaritans is one of them.
A&E is another potential option if necessary. You have to remember you are a human being no one is perfect. Others, should realise not everything is black and white. Please don't put yourself through neglect or upset. You have to say to yourself I have to do this for me or believe in myself or whichever the main reason or purpose for it. You have to remind yourself you are worthy and highly valued even though it may not seem like it but you will see the change. It may not come rapidly but inevitably it will happen. You soon realise you are in control of your own life, happiness as well as fulfilling your dreams desires or improving not only your life but your partner's. You will find a new sense of belonging or a new lease of life which is there to be enjoyed.
Thanks. I will try getting in touch with some people I know that are a bit further away. I find travelling difficult and don't like to go a long way for an uncertain social encounter. But you are right, it is worth keeping in touch.My teachers are very kind and helpful. They have their own lives and are very busy at times. They try to involve me in things but often I chicken out if it involves travelling into the city.
I'll have a go, I don't really get invited to social events. If I do, just like when my teachers invite me to an event, I find a reason not to go. It is usually a very strong and convincing reason!
I ask a lot of questions, get very anxious, and lately my meltdowns got worse. And worst of all, when I'm at the beginning of a meltdown, I start asking lots and lots of very anxious questions in quick succession. Often these questions involve her and her intentions (or anybody I am having a meltdown around). I get a lot of guilt around meltdowns as I can see the effect it has on other people.
Great. I know it's difficult. Getting a good social life takes persistence and courage - courage is being afraid, but trying something anyway. Maybe sometimes you could choose a 'neutral' in-between place to meet, like for a weekend country stroll? Just a thought. I'd also say: try to forget any setbacks, because some setbacks are inevitable, and move on to the next thing.
Your very strong and convincing reason could be a real reason, but there are also strong reasons to go for something at least once - you never know what you're missing out on otherwise, and want to avoid any possible regret that you missed the opportunity.
Sorry to hear about the meltdowns. I suppose I've been on the other side of this when someone has needed a lot of reassurance. I hope people understand and show you patience, and you can explain to them what you need. The only vague things I can suggest are (a) some kind of self-soothing behaviour, trying not to think too much, but just focus on a nice feeling or thought in itself; (b) learning some cognitive behaviour or stress reduction exercises.
Do feel free to post more in this forum. I think people would be interested in what you're up to. Good luck.
Hi,Thanks for your reply.I've been a bit better the past few days, though I went to see a specialist today and I had a lot of worries and confusions coming away from that. So at the moment I'm a bit in shut down mode.
Thanks for your reply. I hope I can manage all the things you talk about. On a good day I have that strength.