Hello there.

I have no idea what to write. Famous last words as I know that I'll be trying to slim it down by the time that I have finished.

I'm struggling, and have been since the day that I remember.

I feel overwhelmed at the moment which is making me write this post. Tomorrow I will self-refer to the local ASD service and plan to use this forum to update on progress, as I know that I personally have been looking for someone to relate to.

Without trying to be too specific, I am in my 20s and have had a very high profile role. It was brilliant, an amazing opportunity that I still cherish. But I no longer hold it. I believe my struggles were mostly to blame.

There have been many moments of red flags. I've worked for a mental health charity where the director raised in my supervision that I am too black and white. I am surprised that it wasn't suggested to me at that stage to discover this more. Instead our team did Myers Briggs tests where I scored INFP.

I'm a single gay man and have never had a relationship. I'm at the point where I don't even entertain the idea of a first date as it will not work out.

I despised the idea for a long time of living with someone, I currently lodge at someones house. They openly talk to their friends about how they're disappointed I just keep myself to myself. I go to work and I head straight to my room, something I have just always done. It is not because I don't like him, but I just can't comprehend sitting down and watching TV with him...

I struggle in jobs, I had to resign from a great opportunity last year as I was concerned about the behaviour of senior management, and that is where one of the mental health nurses mentioned that they thought I had Aspergers. I was so affected by what happened that I just couldn't let it go and move on.

I know this post is not making any sense, as I cannot make it flow, it is very hard to explain. 

I did the Channel 4 ASD online test and scored very highly for anxiety, ASD and OCD. Yesterday I did the American deal with autism test and scored over 90% probability of being diagnosed with Asperger's. 

I am not saying this as some sort of medal, obviously I hope that the medical route I take tomorrow will begin to clear things up. But I just want to be able to understand.

I am sure others will be able to make some sense of me!