Published on 12, July, 2020
As an adult (30) Asperger sufferer, I still struggle with being withdrawn because of the potential grief that I may recieve.
Any ideas how to help myself with this? Tired of being angry at my anxiety all the time... Medication and therapy has assisted but I'm still stuck trying to survive this horrid condition. I just want to be free to be me.
Having lost my entire PIP claim because I sacrifice myself to work, it appears that my wellbeing is of little concern to the powers that be. The harsh reality that I may as well be regarded as a write off with no chance to appeal because I'm too 'weak' to protect myself from life without a fakehood is a sickening afterthought.
I'm looking for something better than this.
I've given up with the PIP process because it's wasted energy now where I can make more money by slowly killing myself with work... I did get help from a support service called balance-CIC but we failed at getting anything.
I've been doing a lot of trolling and getting banned from online support groups out of pure frustration that the needs of those that would do us harm comes first at our expense. That's where my anxieties have been evolving to such a state that I'm now dependent on medication to deal with these problems. My CBT review is due in a months time and making little progress resolving my feelings to gather us victims and aiming our desire for retribution against these so called human beings. I don't feel that my anger is unjust anymore to which I have also been medicated for.
I've also started hurting my narcissistic mother through texting because of what she is, through carefully crafted psychological inversions. I present her with my successful self (like buying a flat) and then I use myself as a weapon (I love your hate, now come at me with your-self). In effect, I get her to hurt herself with the hate she projects because she chose to be what she is. She is her own problem and I remind her of it as a fact of life to be living with herself.
So this is where I am at, at this moment in time. Painting myself as a target now has become a way of life for me as I sought to fight back the endless incursions of other people, feeling that they get to help themselves to me.
Only time is on my side as I wait for her passing but does little to absolve myself from the needless confrontation with others of her kind. They are holes worthy being filled with hurtful things because help only makes them worse... :(
I had a Narcissistic Father. - I can somewhat empathise with the hate you're feeling. But the best thing I ever did is cut him out, completely. I started playing his games, and wanting to hurt him like he hurt me. I knew it was working, but you start thinking "I'm just as bad as them, except I know better." Also, this world is a twisted place, I agree with a lot of your points, so I find it hard to advise since I'm not really dealing with this world either. People are selfish, they play games to better themselves. If a person doesn't fit in society, they get medicated and indoctrinated to this 'perfect lifestyle'. The thing is, are you gonna let these feelings win? Or are you gonna push past and find meaning in life, and people to confide in. I haven't got to that point yet. I feel like it won't happen, but it's nice to keep pushing. Good luck in the battles to come. Hope my rambling helps you- even if somewhat.
Sorry you're having a tough time and that I don't have any advice to offer with you in regards to your difficulties. I work full time as a teacher and receive the enhanced rate of PIP so being in work doesn't mean your application is automatically denied. If you didn't get anywhere when using a support service this may mean that your difficulties aren't severe enough to qualify for the money, which I'd take as being good news! If you're circumstances change you can apply again.