Hi, I'm trying to figure out what's going on with me

Hi,

I was diagnosed with Asperger's a couple of years ago and I'm currently at university. I recently went back to the assessment documents and this website was mentioned for me to look at.

Sometimes, I just can't speak (or can, but barely), and I don't understand why. It doesn't seem to follow a pattern (that I can make sense of). I don't know what it is or what to do, but it's been like this all my life and I am gradually getting better. I'd like to speed it (the improving) up, if possible.

In school, I went from not being able to speak to anyone, to just a few people, to kids in my year, to all kids, to gradually being able to speak to teachers/adults outside of family. I've made progress in university too - I didn't send emails, now I do (still takes me a while and I get the same reaction(?) as when I struggle speaking), and I'm speaking more (in general). I can speak to anyone (apart from situations when I can't - it's situations rather than people now).

I don't feel anxious or worry or fear anything - there is nothing going through my head when this happens. I'm feeling normal, I've got stuff to say, I've got a chance to speak, but when I try to, for some reason I can't (or it takes me a while to start and I can barely put words together). 

This happens for seminars/presentations, which are a part of university coursework.

There's no problem in terms of lecturers giving me a hard time for it or anything (the opposite). The first presentation I worked with the group to make it but didn't present it and the second one I did (attempted to, at least) it just to my personal tutor (couldn't speak, even though I can talk to her - it makes no sense). It's having no impact on my grades. I've got a third one coming up and I'll be up there (hopefully) speaking a bit. The disability advisers at university seem to be more about accommodating it rather than fixing it, I think, anyway. Or maybe I can't explain it well enough to them if I don't understand it. I don't know to be honest, since I didn't have any of this in school since I had no diagnosis until after I already left.

What is going on here? Does it have a name? Is it something that I can get better at faster? If so, how?

I've tried to understand the pattern of it, but I don't see what would tie it together. Here's what I can think of:

I can't speak to google assistant (or siri, or cortana, etc. - the "ok google, look up X" or "siri, play Y" things), but I can do phone calls. I couldn't present to my personal tutor, but I can speak to her. I could barely speak in a discussion/debate, but I can speak to every single person in the room with no problem. I sometimes struggle with emails to my personal tutor, but not always. I went around employer stands at a careers fair starting conversations with absolutely no problem, I can speak to disability advisers I've never met, again, no problem, not had this problem in any social situations (e.g. at the pub, on the bus). I'd have thought speaking to potential employers or being in social situations with this would be more of an issue than speaking just to my phone, but no.

For what happens, I'm not sure. I can't speak and my face gets hot, but that's it, I think. I'm not breathing fast or anything like that (I'm pretty sure).

I don't know where to even start, all I really know is I have Asperger's.

Thanks for reading, sorry if it is long. Any sort of input on sorting this would be appreciated. Or anyone who is similar to this, that would be interesting to hear too.


  •   wrote:

    DeepThought may I ask a question...btw...that was not the question


    No it was not 'the' question, it is though 'a' question that is relative to 'the' question, and maybe has relevance to NAS35855, and therefore also the current line of reasoning being addressed perhaps.

    For instance, just as light by refraction involves seven rays of Light as being a spectrum of seven colours: Violet, Indigo, Blue, Green, Yellow, Orange and Red, so it is that western consciousness by crystallisation involves seven experiences of Consciousness ~ as being a range of seven sensibilities: Rational, Sentimental, Communicational, Emotional, Imaginal, Reproductional and Sensational. This correlates also with the fact we have the seven tones of the voice, the seven notes of music, and the seven shapes of minerals, as an environmental consideration.

    The title of the link is '7 Great Books for Boosting Your Presentation Skills', and part of the problem is that NAS35855's presentations skills are either primed, or they are not primed.

    Either way though, primed or not, no verbal presentation skills have been presented for accreditation ~ what with NAS35855's mind going blanc of thoughts, and without their thoughts ~ their body has been at a loss for expressing words.

    So with the seven linguistic and pictograhic styles mentioned in Geoffrey James' appraisal, as a professional speaker, and considering the most viable presentation methodology or methodologies for NAS35855 ~ seems as such quite relevant. How relevant these presentation methodologies may be though for NAS35855 ~ is the reason I raised this question; regarding 'the' question.

    If that helps any?


  • just talking fluidly” is easy when talking to just about anyone?

    I wouldn't go as far to say "easy", but there's no problems with it, yeah.

    perfect as possible and needs to be understood and potentially judged on its content and delivery
    add to that actually recording it to an inanimate object which has no feelings as to wether you are good or not and will repeat what ever you record right or wrong in your mind an obstruction?

    I could be doing this and not be aware, I'm not sure. I'll see if I notice myself doing it, thanks.

  • DeepThought may I ask a question...btw...that was not the question


  • On the topic of difficulties with presentations and making them, if this may help any, there are a listing of seven books on the following website link:


    https://www.inc.com/geoffrey-james/7-great-books-that-hone-your-presentation-skills.html



  • Well according to technological glitches reported by  below, I did not get your reply until two days after you posted it, but none the less here goes:


    NAS35855 quoted Deepthought as writing:

    Comparing opposites helps us to consider and explore more complimentary or more compatible 'mediums' of expression


    and:


    NAS35855 wrote:

    I've been over this for hours and I still can't work out what you're saying.


    Well, the 'mediums' of expression cover verbal or technological means, such as in the verbal sense the pitch, tone and volume of speech as already mentioned, and in the technological sense, writing on this forum and texting on phones for instance.

    Obviously the opposites being compared involves our experience and confidence, with then the 'mediums' involving the methodologies by which your experience and confidence can be most readily developed.

    Have you considered vocal training or elocution lessons perhaps? Public speakers also have taken singing or acting lessons for example, and I took up tonal chanting myself such as practised by Buddhist monks etc, which gave me a better sense of my vocal ranges and how to use them more effectively, other than as a 'Foghorn' of course.

    Simply singing the vowel sounds (A, E, I, O and U) in turn a few times each gently to strongly along with a bit of favourable music is one approach for instance. Get used to and thus be more confident in using your voice in a stimulating way and all that. 


    NAS35855 quoted Deepthought as writing:

    communicating with others on the spectrum


    and:


    NAS35855 wrote:

    Is this supposed to be more difficult? At university, there is a group for this. I went a couple of times, but I genuinely don't know how to talk with them. How do you communicate with people on the spectrum (once they stop talking)?


    Well, as the expression goes, "When it's over it's over!", depending on what "it" happens to be of course, being that there are ways to start new topics of conversation or resurrect old ones, such as asking questions, making observations and offering opinions.

    Obviously speaking in groups has the non-bonus of apprehensions involving not being accepted or liked, and is somewhat difficult ~ yes most definitely ~ especially to begin with.

    The thing is though that most Autistic people have reason to be apprehensive about communicating with others that they are not familiar with, because most people they have met were not on the autistic spectrum, and did not then understand or comprehend how to identify and relate with autistic people.

    The additional non-bonus with social communication is that neurotypical behaviourism is ~ in the societal-authoritarian sense ~ based upon affirmation or negation, where people are usually either validated or adored for fitting in or invalidated or humiliated for not having done the done thing, with verbal or physical violence to various extents having been involved.

    Writing here though with people who are on the autistic spectrum, allows an intellectual affirmation and validation process that helps us to develop confidence as Autists, Aspergians, Aspies or Neurological-Divergents. The more confident we become as such ~ the more empowered we feel as individuals, and sharing our individualities with others allows them to feel more confident and empowered themselves as individuals too.

    This is the reason that most diagnostic reports suggest getting in contact with others who are likewise diagnosed, being that affirmation deprivation is remarkably unhealthy, whilst affirmative facilitation allows for a healthier prognosis at least psychologically and at most physiologically also.


    NAS35855 quoted Deepthought as writing:

    as such learn characteristically to refine and define yourself more affirmatively as you are ~ in a way that is individually befitting for you socially, and professionally


    and:


    NAS35855 wrote:

    Again, I'm struggling. Is this "figure out who you are" or something along those lines, or am I way off?


    No you are not way off here, as we are essentially an indefatigable mystery that allows us to constantly be the causal sum of our experiential inheritance. Figuring this much out is pretty much the done thing with attending and studying at the university of life, and all that.


    NAS35855 quoted Deepthought as writing:  

    It's the seven rays of light, the seven notes of diatonic music and the seven geometries of crystals 'thing' ~ with us being a product of our environment and all that, in evolutional terms.


    and:


    NAS35855 wrote

    I don't remember this ever coming up in biology, I'm sorry.


    Perhaps recall the rods and cones of the eyes, with rods being more for night vision and the cones more for colour vision, and in physics there is the refraction of light into seven colours through glass prisms. And mineral crystals such as salt, iron, calcium and zinc etc, etc, etc are just as important in biology; as they are in chemistry and physics, considering the periodic table. Vitamins and minerals along with proteins, fats and carbohydrates are basic biological necessities after all.


    NAS35855 quoted Deepthought as writing:

    whereas graduated-incremental changes are the most beneficial and effective methodology in the long term


    and:


    NAS35855 wrote:

    So I should continue what I'm doing - there is no better way to get myself to normal?


    Well how about continue what you are doing ~ 'and' also find better ways (in the defining and refining sense) to bring about more viable interactions socially?

    You could for instance set yourself a reasonable date by which time you have whispered and spoken clearly to be heard in both instances a set number of times, and as such do so in situations that are actually not so hard to begin with. Consider for example that weight-lifters start small and build up gradually, as do runners starting on short distances and increasing their mileage as their ability to run further increases.

    Does that sound workable, or reasonable, or what else could be?


  • Hi there all very complex,,, I have read and reread all your replies, could it be that” just talking fluidly” is easy when talking to just about anyone?

    But preparing a speech or presentation is in your mind having to be as perfect as possible and needs to be understood and potentially judged on its content and delivery?

    add to that actually recording it to an inanimate object which has no feelings as to wether you are good or not and will repeat what ever you record right or wrong in your mind an obstruction? Strugglingbhere myself?

    You can talk freely with other humans, 

    presenting to a machine or a tutor playing the role of just listening without instant interaction . You maybe cannot connect and respond verbally to a non being, 

     your phone? Siri?a tutor sat just recording your speech by listening which is to be judged?

    a bit random but that’s sometimes just the way I am,muddled and confused,

    maybe to much over analysing something quite simple. You don’t feel  happy talking to machines that don’t give emotional feed back so why bother to put effort into it... learning to talk at school took time and a lot of hard Work!

  • Hi everyone,

    Apologies if a couple of you in this thread have had posts flagged for spam by mistake. The system has an automatic spam filter set up, and what I think happened is that in very long posts which have multiple quotes in them, the repetition of '[user name] wrote:' several times gets flagged as spam when it shouldn't be. I've approved those posts now, so they should be visible, and will keep an eye out for this problem.

    Thanks,

    Ross - mod

  • Comparing opposites helps us to consider and explore more complimentary or more compatible 'mediums' of expression

    I've been over this for hours and I still can't work out what you're saying.

    communicating with others on the spectrum

    Is this supposed to be more difficult? At university, there is a group for this. I went a couple of times, but I genuinely don't know how to talk with them. How do you communicate with people on the spectrum (once they stop talking)?

    as such learn characteristically to refine and define yourself more affirmatively as you are ~ in a way that is individually befitting for you socially, and professionally

    Again, I'm struggling. Is this "figure out who you are" or something along those lines, or am I way off?

    It's the seven rays of light, the seven notes of diatonic music and the seven geometries of crystals 'thing' ~ with us being a product of our environment and all that, in evolutional terms.

    I don't remember this ever coming up in biology, I'm sorry.

    whereas graduated-incremental changes are the most beneficial and effective methodology in the long term

    So I should continue what I'm doing - there is no better way to get myself to normal?

    P.S. Happy new year!

    You too.


  • NAS35855 quoted Deepthought as writing:

    'although for me keeping things short is a difficulty,'


    and:


    NAS35855 wrote:

    "I've only ever had the opposite problem."


    Comparing opposites helps us to consider and explore more complimentary or more compatible 'mediums' of expression, more generally.


    NAS35855 quoted Deepthought as writing:

    'practise with a voice recorder'


    and:


    NAS35855 wrote:

    You practise with what's (among) hardest? I'd always thought you do what's closest to possible and keep doing that until everything is. Am I doing it wrong which is why I am still like this?


    Having to practice with what is hardest? Sometimes (but not necessarily always) we do have to work through problems more directly.

    Conversely though ~ working around our problems can be just as complimentary or increasingly more compatible for us, as in the sense of making one or more problems less so the case; other problems may become less so the case too, or sometimes not even the case at all. So in this respect you are quite correct.

    The solution is basically to learn more about what being Aspergian/Aspie involves, by way of written literature, communicating with others on the spectrum and so on and so fourth, and as such learn characteristically to refine and define yourself more affirmatively as you are ~ in a way that is individually befitting for you socially, and professionally. 

    In my case, a year after my diagnosis in May 2015, which took some getting used, I read 'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' by Tony Attwood, and 'Look Me In The Eye ~ MY LIFE WITH ASPERGER'S' by John Elder Robinson, which both helped me to better identify with myself, respect my weaknesses, and honour my strengths.


    NAS35855 quoted Deepthought as writing:

    'remembering that there are seven tones'


    and:


    NAS35855 wrote:

    I didn't know that.


    It's the seven rays of light, the seven notes of diatonic music and the seven geometries of crystals 'thing' ~ with us being a product of our environment and all that, in evolutional terms.


    NAS35855 wrote:

    I know I am whispering, it is just I have always gone from not talking, to whispering, to talking quietly, to normal, since I guess I found whispering easier than just going straight to being normal. I should cut that out, you think?


    Using whispering as a basis to get to talking quietly, and then to get to talking at normal volume, is in terms of vocalisation a very valid personal learning process in itself, as then would be learning to whisper less to begin with, and edging more progressively to talking quietly first and then working up to normal first, with practice.

    Making sudden or abrupt changes to behaviour or routine are usually detrimental for people on the Autistic spectrum, whereas graduated-incremental changes are the most beneficial and effective methodology in the long term.

    And just as you have the opposite problem to me with keeping information to a minimum, I had to learn to keep the volume of my voice down during conversations. As a child for instance, when people said, "Oi! ~ Foghorn!", I knew they were referring to me just as much as everyone else did!


    P.S. Happy new year!


  • just to make you feel better, a lot of NTs have problems presenting and public speaking
    The extroverts might expect to wing it and fall flat on their egos

    I don't feel better about other people having problems. I don't want any of them to "fall flat".

    I choose not to speak, don't want to speak or am very reluctant to speak, I really don't like debating sessions

    I never choose not to, I like it when I can speak.

    but you are very fortunate that they are being accommodating and understanding

    Without a doubt, I couldn't have better lecturers. 

    push/queue jump

    I am not comfortable doing that.

    it is affecting your education

    Or lying.

    Good luck, hope you can get sorted soon

    Thanks.

  • although for me keeping things short is a difficulty

    I've only ever had the opposite problem.

    practise with a voice recorder

    You practise with what's (among) hardest? I'd always thought you do what's closest to possible and keep doing that until everything is. Am I doing it wrong which is why I am still like this?

    remembering that there are seven tones

    I didn't know that.

    I know I am whispering, it is just I have always gone from not talking, to whispering, to talking quietly, to normal, since I guess I found whispering easier than just going straight to being normal. I should cut that out, you think?

  • Is it still stage fright if I can't talk when there is no audience (or camera/mic)?

    That is very hard to do at the best of times, don't want to break the silence around you, or intrude on it.  Conscious of own voice. Feeling daft doing it. Reluctance to do it for fear of looking an idiot talking to yourself.  It seems futile without an audience. fear of messing it up badly and getting worse at it because of that. Embarrassment. Shyness. The actual event springs to mind and nerves kick in. 

    But you have other issues blocking you and you need to find out about them and how to get around them. 

    I have to practice a presentation. Silence. No, can't talk, clamming up, speech won't work. How do I get over that? blow raspberries! breaks the silence and brings a smile.  still can't do it. pick up a text book that I hate and read a bit out aloud from any page and then say that is just nonsense and why.  Great, I am talking, now dive in and go through the presentation - sort out the flow and any stumbling points, pacing it for the timing, concentrating on sorting that out rather than the presentation element at first to get me doing it. (timeframes from silence to speaking and reading the presentation out loud? varies, a few minutes, hour, hours, a day.... no pattern or explanation for it).  

    Basically finding a way to get into doing it and circumventing the block, the glass door. 

    I focus on the imparting of information and knowledge rather than on the doing a presentation. Taking pride in the work done and how it is displayed, so putting my energies into it in a different aspect. 

  • I have no expertise 

    but, just to make you feel better, a lot of NTs have problems presenting and public speaking, probably the majority if not everyone in your class will hate doing them, from the shy to the extroverts.  

    The extroverts might expect to wing it and fall flat on their egos and the shy will outshine them with their inner strength and rehearsing their presentation.

    I appreciate your baffling and contrary scenarios, where there is no pattern or apparent reason. I am on the whole a shy introvert but can have the odd extrovert times, it is puzzling. But I have times when I choose not to speak, don't want to speak or am very reluctant to speak, I really don't like debating sessions.  I will clam up and wander off somewhere else in my head! 

    It seems you have a mixture of things - some that need specialist help, some that are personality or down to your condition(s) and a little bit of lack of experience and in doing more you will gain more experience and gain confidence and faith in yourself. 

    You've got a lot going on in there and it all needs unravelling. I feel your frustrations at wanting solutions to your blockers rather than being accommodated for them, but you are very fortunate that they are being accommodating and understanding. I had a lecturer for two years who made me work to deadlines rather than my DSA needs extensions.  

    Chase up about that support, see if you can push/queue jump as you are doing a degree and it is affecting your education - can your campus support team help you in that? 

    Good luck, hope you can get sorted soon. 

  • I can see that is typing another reply, but based on my own experiences of presenting, what you've described still sounds like stage fright to me. It would appear that in your own head, you are still "on stage" when you are trying to talk to your smartphone.

    Do you have a voice recorder app on your phone? What happens if you talk to that about whatever comes into your head, or what you would like those automated assistant things to do for you? The app is simply recording whatever noises you make so it will never say, "sorry, could you repeat that?", or embarrass you by giving you an utterly useless response because it mis-interpreted what you said.

    The first time I was asked to give a presentation, I really hated it. My face was red, my mouth went dry, my heart raced. I stammered and forgot things I had meant to say.

    A Summer work placement at age 19 required me to give at least one presentation every week for 12 weeks, to review how my project was going. I was a very long way out of my comfort zone. After 12 weeks, I was on a semi-even keel. After another 3 years of study and placements, I still got nervous and needed to prepare pretty obsessively, but I could do it.

    I still have to prepare obsessively, and I practice, practice, practice, typically at home, sometimes with a mirror, and if at all possible, a couple of "dry runs" in the actual venue where I will be speaking. I find that I still get nerves up until I start speaking, but within the first couple of sentences, I am flying on adrenaline... 

    After the presentation, it can take me an hour or more to "wind down", but then I crash and feel like I have to go lie down in a dark room.

    Hopefully some of my rambling might help you out. I could go on at length but have learnt it is usually better if I try to keep things short.


  • NAS35855 wrote:

    I never had any problems with homework in school or with written assignments at university (and I've not done my dissertation yet), so "pre-fixed" doesn't seem to be a problem.


    As far as being Aspergian, or Aspie, goes, it is natural and therefore easy for some of us to do the "pre-fixed" stuff, no problem, although for me keeping things short is a difficulty, and deadlines were an added non-bonus ~ trying to work out how to edit and abridge the information to fit the word or time limit, and all that.


    NAS35855 wrote:

    I get it when trying to talk to myself, my phone (I can't whisper loud enough for google assistant to hear me), family, anyone - the audience doesn't seem to make a difference. Is it still stage fright if I can't talk when there is no audience (or camera/mic)?


    Being apprehensive or frightened basically engages the habitual physiological reactions, or the instinctual "Flight, Fight or Freeze reaction, which puts the psychological processes on standby ~ as in evolutional terms there is little point in thinking about getting out of a threatening scenario; when just doing it in whatever way possible is more befitting. Of course in some situations just going all big and instinctual is not befitting, although learning this and applying what is more useful, is befitting.

    There is also what is referred to as cognitive dissonance, and cognitive disassociation, when the cogs or states of the mind will not get into the right cognitive gearing (dissonance), or won't get into cognitive gearing at all (disassociation), and either way nothing happens psychologically ~ no thoughts and thus physiologically no words back or forth internally, 'or' externally. We do not even have to be scared or apprehensive in anyway, in that coping procedures may have not as yet developed fully, and coping procedures need as such to be learnt. This of course you have done through school, and are now doing at university.

    One method of coping with the mental blocks whilst trying to talk to yourself, is to calmly at other times consider particular instances where you have previously had mental block scenarios, and then have a good think about what type of dialogues or key instructions would have resolved the issues going on at those times. It helps in a sense to relive and talk encouragingly to the blank state of minds about what they could have said. It is like in effect brainwashing or programming yourself to function more effectively, and it helps to do this slowly and surely 'trial and error' stylie.

    In terms of whispering loud enough, perhaps practise with a voice recorder and friends, so that you can get a sense and habit eventually for using the right pitch and tone of voice, remembering that there are seven tones, and getting the general pitch intensity high enough to register is key.

    Obviously the practice theme runs strong in all of this.


  • Being asked to write so many words on a particular subject is a "'pre-fixed' amount of written information" ~ homework, presentations and dissertations and all that. 

    I never had any problems with homework in school or with written assignments at university (and I've not done my dissertation yet), so "pre-fixed" doesn't seem to be a problem.

    I get it when trying to talk to myself, my phone (I can't whisper loud enough for google assistant to hear me), family, anyone - the audience doesn't seem to make a difference. Is it still stage fright if I can't talk when there is no audience (or camera/mic)?

  • In that case, I tend to "pre-fix", and it helps.

    What is counting as "presentation" and "giving"? For the personal tutor one, I did it a lot in my head enough that I knew exactly what to say, and it was on something I'd been looking it for years.


  • NAS35855 wrote:

    Hi. This is really good, it is good to have a new perspective. Thank you.


    Glad to have been of some assistance.


    NAS35855 wrote:

    All the times I am struggling, it is "presenting"/"to" rather than "fluid"/"with" a person or group (it is not every "to" - such as talking "to" employers was fine, but there is no "with" that this happens that I can think of).


    There are three modes of social communication, 1.) With, 2.) To, and 3.) At.

    Talking 'With' people involves everybody in the group conversationally replying to each other.

    Talking 'To' people involves giving information or instructions to one or more others, as in the sense of talking or even shouting 'At' one or more people involves gaining or keeping their attention.

    So to various extents there will more or less of each of the three modes of social communication in each type of verbal interaction ~ as a mix or combination, such as 70% talking 'with', 25% talking to, and 5% talking 'at' people during informal/friendly gatherings, as a vague approximation.


    NAS35855 wrote:

    I don't know what you mean by "'pre-fixed' amount of written information", sorry, could you explain?


    Being asked to write so many words on a particular subject is a "'pre-fixed' amount of written information" ~ homework, presentations and dissertations and all that. 


    NAS35855 wrote:

    I am not sure individually vs group makes a difference at all. I struggle presenting to both individuals and groups, and I am fine in both conversations individually and groups (in terms of this specific thing, anyway).


    Well in informal/friendly situations you get short periods of interaction with others, so you can gauge or measure how well things are going and adapt more easily in terms of the conversational territory, whereas having to wait until the end of a presentation, to see what response or reaction you get from your audience, be that one or many, is difficult for alot of people actually.

    Essentially you appear to be describing what some call performance anxiety, or stage fright, and as such people talk about drying up, as in the sense of no fluidity of words, or a complete lack of words, and a dry mouth.

    When doing a presentation, it can help to do it in a semi-conversational style, as in the sense of greeting your audience in fashion to get a response, and a certain intervals work the audience to see what their reaction is ~ i.e. ask them if they know what you mean, or some give amusing anecdotes, or whatever else may work for you and them. You can also develop your 'presentation' style and build your confidence up by practising with family, friends and so fourth.


    NAS35855 wrote:

    But this "to" vs "with" seems to be a thing, and I'd not picked that up, so thanks.


    My pleasure, again I am glad to have been of some assistance.


  • I don't know what you mean by "'pre-fixed' amount of written information", sorry, could you explain?

    @Deepthought means that the presentation material was prepared in advance, as opposed to (say) improvising the whole thing with a pen at a whiteboard.

    How many presentations have you actually given, and how long do you practice each one? How well do you know the subject material?