Knocked sideways


I just never expected this. As my bio alludes, life is, erm, interesting right now. Here's the short version:

My wife and I hadn't been getting on too well for a while. Everything seemed to go south when our son arrived some years back, then get steadily worse. Last December, my father died. It was expected, and a much-needed release for him. I was fine.

This year, I walked out of my job for a whole bunch of reasons, fully expecting to find something else after taking a few months off. My employer could not quite believe I was going to go through with it, and seemed to be quietly hoping I would change my mind. I have never really been out of employment before this.

Sorting through some of my Dad's old fishing tackle after the Summer made me realise I am not actually fine at all.

Suddenly, I have an AQ score of 36, have been referred by my GP, have found out within the last week that my adult son from my first marriage was diagnosed with Aspergers years ago, and tomorrow we're going to try to get our youngest checked out(!)

From my reading of the paperwork, I'm likely to get, "Congratulations, you have Aspergers! Goodbye", because I am in my forties.

Immediate questions (there will be others...):

  1. What resources might help out a forty-something laggard such as myself?
  2. Any tips for helping me save my second marriage?
  3. What can my wife and I do to support our youngest? How should we approach our son's school with this?

Oh, and my handle for these forums? It's a Chinese ICBM yielding about three to five megatons, which just happened to be what was on my mind whilst I was registering with the NAS...

  • Forget about everything you’ve ever learned or been taught. Let go of the mask. It’s scary, but we’re not far behind it and who do you think has been behind the mask all of this time, in control? Us.

    When our world begins to crumble, the only thing we can do is to allow it to happen. I don’t mean give in, or give up. I mean don’t fight it. I mean there comes a time when we need to trust in ourselves and our view of the world, and do what we think is best for us. 

    Tell your wife in whatever way you can, that you’re  strugglimg, you’re  struggling to know what to do or how to make sense of the world. But that you’ve got an opportunity to understand yourself, and that’s really all you have to do. You can ask your wife to be patient, and experience this journey with you, but what she decides to do is always up to her, no matter what we do or say. 

    Slow down. Everything is ok. So long as you interpret your child’s ‘behaviour’ as a form of communication and take your time to understand it, he’ll be ok. 

    Are you getting any support? 

  • Are you getting any support?

    Not really.

    When I told my wife a few months ago that I felt like ending it all, she just said, "maybe that's for the best..."

    Last week was pre-assessment meeting. They decided to proceed to a diagnosis, but warned me that there is a long waiting list. However, overall the Pre-assessment meeting left me pretty much suicidal for about 4 days. 

    I had hoped that they would be at least a little supportive, but my experience has led me to conclude that they aren't to be trusted. 

    Naturally, this is problematic since a diagnosis probably requires that I remain open and truthful...

    Perhaps it didn't help to return home that evening to find an obnoxious stranger assaulting a 64 year old neighbour in the street outside our house. I called the police but they aren't going to do anything because the neighbour won't give a statement.