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12 year old son wanting to be assessed

Jo1481
over 6 years ago

Hi I'm new to the forum and looking for some guidance, my son is 12, I have known for a while he is not like many other children particularly in social situations. He is great at school and has no issues conforming to very structured routines. A few months ago I realised it is very likely he has aspergers, he agrees with this and has asked us to request an assessment. In primary school staff describe him as 'quirky' and failed to realise why he was isolating himself in the playground for many years. I finally plucked up the courage to contact school and spoke to the newly appointed SENCO, I discussed my concerns and requested she refer him to CAMHS, I was very frustrated by her response as she replied 'we don't want to label him' followed by 'I halve many friends with aspergers who have never had a diagnosis. I have since spent the entire weekend with the same questions whirling around my head and feel totally isolated'. My husband is always supportive however is even more unsure as he does not want him to be bullied, labelled or for this to have an impact in later life, I feel unable to talk to him, I am finding this incredibly difficult as I am so very unsure if my son would gain anything from a diagnosis other than confirmaion. As he gets older he is adapting more and more, we still live on egg shells with his behaviour outburst although they are reducing as we are adapting to his needs and he appears settled in school. Does anyone have any advice around best way forward ? Has anyone got any older children who it has led to bullying? 

Parents
  • over 6 years ago
    1. Hi my name's Claire I am currently going through the whole diagnoses process with my 5 year old daughter. My husband has always had the same view as yours that he don't want her labbled with a disability and what wouldncome in future from having it. We have known since my daughter was around 2 that she was incredibly difficult but always manageable so didn't feel the need. She has got to the point now where every day is a battle and we decided to gain some form of help tbh I don't no what form that will come in. I think having a diagnoses just means you have access to different forms of support for not only your child but you. Also my opinion is if I no what she has I can better understand her and her needs. Although there again autisum is a big spectrum and they don't break it down anymore so you can not get a aspergers diagnoses it will just be autisum which doesn't narrow it down. I no this prob hasn't helped but sometimes it's nice to no you are not alone.
  • over 6 years ago in reply to Clairewilliams86

    Thankyou Claire it is good to know I'm not alone, I feel more isolated as me and my husband have always worked as a team. I feel I am on my own fighting my sons corner. 

  • over 6 years ago in reply to Jo1481

    That must be hard. My husband was against it for quite some time but he eventually realised the stress it was putting everyone under especially my daughter herself. We had a 2 red flag moments where it was just obvious at school and one at the airport. This is when I think he really saw the anxiety she was going through and the effect it was having on us as a family. I also had tried maby tecniques none with any effect and was disaplining her not knowing if she had control of her behaviour whixh made me feel so quilty. It was these moments really when he started considering and agreeing with the tests. Tbh he will still say it now it's such a lengthy process it's hard to see the end I suppose. 

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  • over 6 years ago in reply to Jo1481

    That must be hard. My husband was against it for quite some time but he eventually realised the stress it was putting everyone under especially my daughter herself. We had a 2 red flag moments where it was just obvious at school and one at the airport. This is when I think he really saw the anxiety she was going through and the effect it was having on us as a family. I also had tried maby tecniques none with any effect and was disaplining her not knowing if she had control of her behaviour whixh made me feel so quilty. It was these moments really when he started considering and agreeing with the tests. Tbh he will still say it now it's such a lengthy process it's hard to see the end I suppose. 

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