Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, well this is daunting.
I'm going to see my GP tomorrow about my youngest son and myself. School has picked up on my son's struggles, just like they initially did with my oldest but he somehow got lost in the system.. This is so hard to explain and get down in a shortish message! I feel like I need to write my life story for anyone to understand, arghhh.I know something is wrong, I have always known. I have just put it down to being "born in the wrong era" or maybe "I'm from another planet". I have been to and from Psychiatrists and been on meds for years due to anxiety and depression (personally I don't feel depressed, I just feel different, I don't fit into this world) I had a problematic childhood all Psychiatrists have always focused on that and put my problems down to that too. I know this is not true, not all of it can be explained by my past.
Anyway, I'm nervous. I am SO nervous. Nervous about talking and nervous about not being heard again. Wish me luck please
I've grown up with exactly the same feelings of isolation and feeling 'different'.Only just come to realise that I'm 99.9% certain that I'm on the spectrum, it's the whole disconnect feeling which really does get me on the bad days. But now I can put a name to 'why' I feel and behave like I do, and why I think others behave towards me.I now at least feel more at ease with myself, and know what I need in order to feel 'comfortable' in the world. I've learned to work my way around my issues, by turning it into a problem which needs an acceptable answer for my brain to process.
Have you had a diagnosis yet or do you plan on getting one?
done a a few online ones, all pretty much say i'm a higher functioning autistic.I 'function' ok in the main when i'm around people i'm comfortable with. not so much in an unfamiliar crowd or with family. I'm very much fact based, but on an empathy level, there is this big void of knowing how to deal with certain situations, I'm aware i should know, but i cant seem to process, unless the 'why' bit is satisfied.Just to give an example, ive moved into a flat, known work needed to be done on it, had a few issues beyond my control which most 'normal' people would deal with and not let it get to them, but I have. I've had about 2m of wall to paint in order to move sofa back, clean up, and get flat into a more habitable state. taken me 4 weeks to muster up the will to tackle it, which i did yesterday in 3hours. Motivation to do more has kicked in, now I've proven to myself that there is a reason to get it done, but it felt like an absolute monumental task before switching off and getting on with it.Ive got GPs appointment booked, just to get an official diagnosis, which tbh, is more for everyone elses benefit than mine.
i'm treating any autistic trait as my own 'super power' - I can visualise things in my mind of how something should look, and can get it done with out 'faffing'.Actually come in handy in my line of work, and looking back, I get frustrated when other people cant see visual solutions or have to go about that whole long winded approval process.Sort of makes me glad in a way that I've lived nearly all of my life not knowing. Now I do, Im embracing it.