Published on 12, July, 2020
Whenever I get close to people they leave. I cannot hold a strong, close friendship with anyone for more than a couple of years as they always end up leaving me. Unfortunately, my mental health falls apart whenever this happens, my depression and anxiety gets a lot worse as I always feel that there is something wrong with me or that I am a horrible person.
Just wondering if anyone else feel this way?
*feels
Yes...
mother walked out when I was 14
then after a couple of years moved in with her
tgen she kicked me out
2 years homeless
1 x failed marriage
no friends
mother hasn't spoken to me for 3 yrs
....nor has my sister
it is tough, isn't it...fear of isolation, fear if trying to bond with others..
unfortunately my self worth/esteem has now whittled yo nothing and leads me at risk if being exploited by others as I crave acceptance xxx
Sorry to hear that and yes its so hard. A part of me wants to be on my own but a huge part of me craves acceptance, I just hate the thought of people not liking me for any reason. Unfortunately my self esteem is rock bottom too which means I get easily depressed and upset. Also doesn't help that I care way too much about what people think of me and I am so sensitive as well as being very oversensitive to my emotions. It really is horrible isn't it... the desire to just be accepted by the people you love and anyone generally, just to feel slightly less alien. xxx
Hi Spotty xx
So true Ellie. x
yeah hopefully. Thanks xx
I'm sorry you are going through this. Hopefully things will work themselves out but if it doesn't just know that you will be a lot stronger. x
I think so, its really helping going on here so hopefully x
Do you think you'll be able to find friends here? Does this feel comfortable?
It really hurts but tbh I'm used to that (not from her in particular just in general with friendships/people). I think the main problem is not understanding why she is doing it, because annoyingly one of my strongest traits is having to know the answers and understand everything. I also over analyse everything too all the time which isn't great either...
Yes but unfortunately it really hurts and yes ASD is so frustrating. It has its benefits but sooo many downsides...
True....are you strong enough to leave her be at the moment? I know one of the big issues is us types over analysing everything......ASD is such a frustration, isn't it?
Mmmm... But I still don't understand why she is talking to everyone else other than me (even some people who she doesn't particularly like)? x
It is really difficult but your ASD will be different from hers...she might have other things going on that meant though she might want to engage she can't. We found here there we have a small pocket per day of emotional engagement (it is a balancing act)....sometimes we have to retreat to recover so we don't damage ourselves....even though it might let down others x
As for the other friend, the issues were not as major and it only happened recently so not too worried about that rn
Yes unfortunately I have tried but didn't really get anywhere. She just replied with something like I just need space then walked off. Don't get me wrong I understand she needs space but needing space and completely blocking someone out and not talking to them are different things. Also the space thing was also directed towards my other friends who she IS talking to. So I am so confused and hurt and don't really know what to make of it. x