I'm Jess and I'm 16 and in January I found out I have aspergers. I find social situations really really stressful and they make me really tired which gets mistaken for laziness. It makes me nervous about everything on social media and I just feel like I'm being left behind in my teenage years. I'm considered a weirdo because I'm quiet and shy so I'm not invited to any parties, not that I would actually go because I would rather curl up with an Enid blyton than go out and party but would just like to be asked at least. I'm going back to school soon and I'm having sleepless nights worrying about the social side like lunchtimes. Does anyone have any advice ? I'm just sick of being so anxious about what people think and. It understanding sarcasm or what they are talking about. It makes me feel so isolated and alone. It's horrid. X
I am very similar to you. I also find social situations really, really stressful and they make me tired. I am also quiet and shy.
Although, people invite me to parties. I do not want to go to them as I have nothing to do there. I think parties are really boring.
The lunchtimes have always caused problems to me. I have always tried to avoid them as they are always very noisy. For me, it is also extremely difficult to order something eatable when there are a lot of people around. So, I buy something somewhere I do not have to speak to a person. Usually, they are unhealthy foods.
I am also often very anxious about what people think. This makes me really tired sometimes.
I always take everything literally.
So, you are not alone.
I, actually, enjoy being isolated and alone.
Hey does your school have any lunch time clubs? Or a place where special needs people go? My high school has a place where people with learning disabilities went to if being outside got to much, although I never went there I occasionally went to lunch time club where we got to use the computers.
I'm very similar to you, too - or, at least, I was when I was your age. Nothing much changes now, but I can deal with a lot of things better. I hated school from Day One to Day Last. I was bullied most of the way through it - for a variety of reasons, mainly related to my 'difference', as I now understand. At lunchtimes, I usually went and hid in the toilets. Even in the workplace, I'd often go off at lunchtime for a walk - or spend time locked in the loo, reading. I hated social gatherings and parties - still do. I'd far sooner be alone at home with a book, or messing with my computer. Anxiety is a constant. I've learned to live with it to a good degree, and it tends to go away if I'm engaged in one of my interests or watching a movie.
I don't have a great deal of advice, I'm afraid - but a lot of identification. I used to dread going back to school again after the holidays. In my final year, I spent a lot of time bunking off, just to avoid the place. When you say you 'found out', do you mean you've actually had a diagnosis? If so, is the school doing anything to accommodate you? Do you have a SenCo or someone similar you could talk to? And how do you get on at school otherwise? Do you enjoy learning and do you plan to go on to further or higher education? I left school without qualifications, but didn't care. I was simply glad to get away. I made up for things later on by going to evening classes - in an adult environment - and later university, which was much better for me. I could spend hours in a cubicle in the library, and I was being treated like a grown-up at last.
I hope things can work out for you. Try not to dread it too much. I know how horrible it is. I know it probably isn't much consolation, but it soon passes. You'll get through it.
Keep talking to us.
My number one tip. Become a student librarian for lunchtimes. Great for experience, access to books and you will meet other people who are more shy and reserved.
Survived secondary school that way.
Approach the librarian at school. See if you can find out if they are in before term starts and go speak to them
My number one tip is to let yourself be yourself. Let yourself be imperfect (everyone else is imperfect too). Be kind to yourself, a lot of us are very self-critical - look outwards and see that other people are not so different from you as you might think. Most people are insecure and put on displays of bravado and bluster but inside they are as desperate to be liked as we are.
Have a look at some of the youtube and books of Susan Cain - she wrote a book called Quiet that resonated with me. She has also done some TED talks too. She isn't diagnosed as autistic but she says some things that might resonate with you.
I agree with the others about school being tough. I got bullied at school and found life better afterwards.
PS I don't think of it as a learning disability - I do think it is a problem but I don't think it makes me stupid.
I also hated school from Day One to Day Last. I was bullied most of the way through it - for a variety of reasons, mainly related to my 'difference', as I now understand. At lunchtimes usually went for a walk. I do the same in the workplace.
I hated social gatherings and parties - still do.