Autistic...or just odd?

Situations that cause me a lot of anxiety and stress include:

* Sudden changes to routine, such as being asked at the last minute to work overtime, or to do a task I'm not over-familiar with.

* Being asked to do something a different way, even though I might be doing it in a perfectly adequate way (such things can lead to panic attacks).

* Being in the presence of people with confident, forceful personalities - even if I know more about a subject than they do.  In such situations, I invariably make mistakes.

* Going to any form of social gathering, even if it's with people I know.

* Having a stranger enter my home.  I usually need to vacuum afterwards.

I have routines that I need to stick to - such as housework days and times.  I prefer to buy things like apples in even numbers, not odd numbers.  I'm hyper-sensitive to criticism, and it will usually lead to my making mistakes in tasks that I'm usually competent at.  I will go out of my way to avoid an argument because I never feel confident in being able to hold my ground.  If someone, in talking to me, makes a remark that I take issue with (such as a racist or sexist remark), it anguishes me - but I never have the confidence to tell them I would prefer them not to talk that way to me.  I need to work in an ordered environment.  If I'm doing a job in which I'm taking over from someone else, I have to rearrange everything to suit my sense of how it should be.  If I know I'm taking over from a particularly untidy person, I have to go into work early to give myself time to do all the rearranging. 

The list goes on and on...

Hi abc123,

I can certainly relate. I posted a thread recently as I wonder if my long-term history of anxiety and depression has prevented healthcare professionals picking up on possible Aspergers. I'm not looking for a be all and end all answer, just think there must be one as opposed to being 'the shy one' that could explain things? For me it's not a case of not saying much, I am left very confused and overwhelmed by a lot of social situations. I'm female too and with the way I dress and some coping mechanisms I use etc. people unfortunately just assume I'm 'snobby' or quiet. I hope you manage to get to the GP for an assessment x

I'm in my late 20s, always went through life feeling slightly different. i just wanted to share that my GP was very supportive and a referral was the right thing. I have my assessment in just over two weeks slightly anxious but really starting to feel that I'm going to get a diagnosis. 

I've attempted the AQ a few times, answering honestly each time and not yet scored below 40 which gives me good indication. I attempted the Ritvo autism Asperger diagnostic scale today as well and was scoring higher than average for ASD, 231 I think it was. 

Hi all,

I am also new. I am not sure on the etiquette for introducing oneself on the internet, as I never have before.

I saw this and had to post. I am in almost exactly the same position. I am a 20-something male, also scoring around 40 on the AQ test, and also feeling a little fraudulent (and scared) about going to the GP for a diagnosis referall. 

Abc123, would you mind if I asked what traits/tendencies you have that indicate Autism? For example, some specific situations that are really stressful, some behaviour that may seem odd etc. It may help boost your confidence if others, who are already diagnosed, chimed in with their experiences of similar situations. It would absolutely help mine, as I have no frame of reference.

Yep, ABC, your GP should always be your first port of call. I just hope you have a good one because it can be a bit of a lottery.

Good luck.

Abc123 said:

Thanks for your reply. I score around 40 on the aq test but then worry that my awareness of the condition might skew the result. 

I am just not sure whether I am on the spectrum but being female present atypically in some respects, and have developed a lot of coping mechanisms to get by; or whether I'm just looking for a scapegoat for my inability to fit in!

I think going for a diagnosis and being told I am not on the spectrum will be very hard to handle, but I suppose there is only one way to find out.

Your feelings are quite natural.  I knew about autism before I took the test, too, but I answered with absolute honesty - as I'm sure you did.  We all develop coping mechanisms, because it's the only way to survive out there.  I've been told 'You can't have Asperger's because you don't....' etc, etc.  I try to tell people, though: I've had to learn through very hard lessons what most people take for granted, and can do instinctively.  I can't understand all body language.  I certainly don't understand flirting and 'come-ons', as several past girlfriends have testified.  I have to force myself to make eye contact with people.  I'm a care worker with special needs (including autism) and do the job well.  I can care for people.  But that doesn't mean I can put myself in their shoes and empathise with them.

If you go down the route of diagnosis, start with your GP.  Tell him or her of your issues.  Tell him or her about your AQ test score.  Push it if they're resistant.  Insist on getting a referral - and if you're like me, you find insisting a very difficult thing to do.  But it's the only way.  Check out other resources in your locality that might be able to offer advice - but the other people on here will certainly be able to help you with that, too.

I exhibit many of the behaviours and feelings that you describe.  When it came to having my final diagnosis, the clinician listened long and patiently.  She was in absolutely no doubt about it.  They're not there to catch you out.

Good luck - and keep talking on here.

Tom

Thanks for your reply. I score around 40 on the aq test but then worry that my awareness of the condition might skew the result. 

I am just not sure whether I am on the spectrum but being female present atypically in some respects, and have developed a lot of coping mechanisms to get by; or whether I'm just looking for a scapegoat for my inability to fit in!

I think going for a diagnosis and being told I am not on the spectrum will be very hard to handle, but I suppose there is only one way to find out.

Abc123 said:

Hi everyone,

I'm in my mid twenties and finding things harder than ever. I really struggle with social skills and although I've always been told I'm "just shy" I've always known something is not right. Despite having outgrown the awkward teenage years I still find it incredibly difficult and confusing holding a conversation with pretty much everyone apart from very close family, even some friends I've known for years. 

I've never been like other people, with strong interests and beliefs, not understanding or agreeing with social norms but recently become more aware of just how odd I am (must look for patterns in reg numbers, must always have car windows open even in January! etc...). I think I might be autistic but I'm terrified of going for a diagnosis to be laughed at and told l am just shy and a bit strange. I work with autistic people and although realise it's a spectrum disorder, I am nowhere near as affected as them. I think I probably come across as a little eccentric, lacking in self confidence and very shy.

I am really struggling with self confidence and self doubt and think a diagnosis would probably pull me out of the hole I've dug for myself; but am I just socially awkward, unusual, and looking for something to take the blame?

I guess I'm asking how autistic do you need to appear to get a diagnosis??!

Hi Abc123 - welcome to the community

....and welcome to my world!  I don't mean that flippantly.  Everything you've said here is everything I'd have said about myself in my 20s.  I still say it about myself now, even though I now have an ASC diagnosis to explain to me why I've always been 'odd'!  Actually, it's not odd at all.  It's just different.  It's not like the majority - and anyone in a minority is bound to feel odd and probably be regarded as being so.  But no... we're just different.

I'd say it sounds very much like autism could be at the root of your issues.  Have you taken the AQ test?  It's the standard test that's used in pre-diagnosis to determine if there is a possibility of autism.  Scores over 32 are generally indicative.  I scored 39, and was diagnosed last year at age 56.  Before then, like you, I just went through life wondering what on earth was wrong with me.

If you do go down the diagnosis path, it's nothing to be fearful about.  The diagnosis, for me, has been overwhelmingly positive.  It's given me validation.  It's enabled me to put my life into context.  And it also enables me to get taken seriously and to get access to appropriate support.

Here's the link to the test.  It only takes about 10 minutes to do.

aspergerstest.net/.../

Welcome again.  You're amongst friends here.  Lots of people will identify with you.

Best wishes,

Tom