Doubts about gender identity

My experience, based on a rather small sample, is that there is a strong overlap between being on the Spectrum and having at least some doubts about ones gender identity.  Possibly our lack of social awareness (= tact) means we are more ready to admit to something that most people would keep well hidden.  Possibly there is a real correlation.

At one point I found that of the four male Aspies regularly posting to a small forum, three had well developed female personas.  Too small a sample, but interesting.  Another forum member was a paintball ref and really one of the lads (and female).

Anyone else willing to speak for themselves?  Any parents noticed boyish girls or girlish boys?

  • Lol, that makes for a good friendship then, I love opposites, they’re so much more fun than sameness. 

  • Oh my God, I am a complete opposite in everything you wrote.

  • I’m a woman and get on better with men! I’ve had predominantly male friends all my life. At my autism group I sit with three guys, they’re my best friends there and everywhere I go I naturally gravitate more towards men. 

  • I get on better with women. I usually find it harder to make conversation with men than women.

  • Did you click on the link?

  • That’s what I’m asking, I don’t know Shrug tone1‍♀️ 

  • What does that mean ~ pedantic? I think I might be pedantic even though I’m not quite sure what it means. 

  • Some autistic people are quite pedantic.

  • I get on better with men, don’t wear make up etc and have considered if I’m asexual. But I’ve realised, these are just words we use to describe people who don’t follow the norm, but they’re all incorrect. Our sexual health is our own. We are all different and it is forever changing and needs no other reference than it is our own sexual health and that is the only label it needs. 

  • I feel quite gender-less as well. I am a female but i don't really see myself in that way. I usually find it harder to make conversation with women than men. I don't own a dress, skirt, heels, hand-bag, make-up etc. I just never think of these things as being relevant to me. And i believe i'm some form of Asexual.

  • I am more male than female, for sure, and hey, who gives a s***t about their stupid forms, just fill them in however you feel, no one really gives a s**t. But yeah, I like the Hindu cultures better where they acknowledge and recognise other genders as equal to male and female. Having only 2 genders can cause a lot of confusion and unhappiness for a lot of people. When the thread on here started asking for Women aspies, I didn’t join in, because yes I have a female(ish) body, but I don’t identify as female and I don’t particularly identify as male but I would say, like you, that I am more male than female so if I had to say I was one or the other, I think I would probably say male. I might start putting that on forms! Maybe we’ll start our own new gender! Mmmmmmmm what could we be Thinking

  • I did not know that many autistic people do not identify as man or woman.

    But application forms often ask to for a gender and there are two choices - Male - Female.

    I simply choose the best answer. I think I am more Male than Female. 55%, 65%, 70%, 75% male. Do not know the right percentage.

    But I do not like that I am forced to choose between Male and Female.

  • As humans have evolved over the centuries, a part of their brain has develop which has enabled them to be more connected to their physical aspect of being, therefore they often have a strong gender identification. Autistic people don’t have this part of the brain and are therefore more connected to their spiritual aspect and as such, many do not identify as man or woman, many are asexual or some other form of sexuality other than homosexual and heterosexual. In Hindu cultures they have always acknowledged, I think it’s 6 gender identities but eventually we come to recognise fewer than that. Often aspies are hypo sensitive to the world around them and need something more thrilling to stir them up so they will often favour less ‘typical’ forms of relationships just to actually feel something. We can often choose who or what we want to be, many children and adults identify as being an alien or a dinosaur or something else non human because we don’t naturally identify with the physical aspect of our being. 

  • I believe I am gender-less. I think I am in between them. I have some traits from women and some from men.

    Unfortunately, I often see application forms asking for something where you have to choose between Male or Female.

    I sometimes do not answer at all. Simply leave them blank. Is that appropriate?

    I do not like to be identified with a specific gender. I do not see the point of it. What is the point? Why so many application forms ask for the gender? In most cases, it is not necessary.

    Sometimes, it is a big problem for me to decide what to do. Leave the form blank or simply choose the best gender. Genderless forms would make my life easier.

    I have heard that in Canada, they are going to remove the Sex from the passports at all.

  • Welcome Swangirl!  A somewhat similar experience.  In case I haven't already said so: I was born male in 1948, and in my childhood there was no concept of transgender.  I knew I was attracted to girls - as soon as I was old enough to know that - so I wasn't gay.  The only other option was to be a "proper" boy, so I did my best to be one.  I transitioned socially and in employment in 2011 and completed GRS in 2014.  I am also high functioning Aspie, with a B.Sc. in Computational Science and Mathematics and an M.Sc. in Microelectrolic Systems Design.

    Now I'm retired from paid employment and very busy in my church and other voluntary work.  Which reminds me - owing to a slight messup in the planning I'm sharing the ministry next Sunday evening.  I must get busy and write a sermon ...

  • Hello! such a sparse crowd!  Born in 1949 (male baby) before all of these fancy terms were coined.

    Obviously confused watching TV in 1950's and 1960's. I did not asked to be a boy. Both my Mother

    and Father passed before I received complete GRS to female in 2009..USA  Transitioned on the job in 2004. Yeah I though about Aspergers before....interesting.

    Whatever! I am high-functioning "something".  Masters chemistry 1975.

    Retired woman on SS; Jan 2017, USA.

  • I see, thanks for that.

    I've seen this 'extreme male brain' thing mentioned before. Frankly, because it's such utter bunk, I probably didn't give it the attention that I could have, even if it was only to help debunk it.

    In all of my readings of posts, and my responses to them, I scarcely pay attention (and really, only when they raise it) to the gender of the poster. I look at it that we are all AS people, we share particular circumstances, we've (mostly) all known the pain, heartache and sheer torture of trying to get along in an NT controlled world, and given all of this, I can't bring myself to bother with the sexuality, race, religion or gender of the person. These are minutiae and as such are unimportant. It's the person I'm talking to, not their personal preferences, choices or genetic circumstances.

    Interestingly, because of some other problems, I once had my testosterone levels measured. They were found to be at the highest end of the range, my (male) doctor was a lot more impressed than I was, but the measurement itself held no implications for me. All I said was that if anyone is seeking artificial insemination, I was prepared to give them real insemination. Bit of self interest there...

    So I totaly agree with you. This idea of 'extreme male brain' is just another one of those debunked theories that needs to be put in the dustbin of history. Worth postulating, any theory is, because you can't discard any theory until you've tested it.

    In spite of my aforementioned testosterone, I've had serious reason to question my own sexuality in the past. Being curious, in the way that we can be, can, I know, lead us down all sorts of paths, off at tangents, seeking new knowledge. But, if we don't first ask ourselves a question, we can't end up with an answer.

    Lastly. I have both male and female sides and I allow them equally. But I'd like to change those descriptions for a moment. I have many sides to my brain, I think it's just misleading to see them in terms of 'male' or 'female'.

  • To classic_codger - As I posed the original question I think you are asked me about my interest.  Partly this is about the now unpopular "extreme male brain" theory of Asperger's.  This could be linked with the difficulty of getting a diagnosis for a female.  This theory doesn't sit at all well with the high overlap of Asperger's diagnosis and male to female transition.

    I was diagnosed as a mature man, aged 51.  When I check the dates I find I posted the original question shortly before I started transition - I am now fully female.  About a month after the first post I went to my first meeting as female, a party at the house of the minister of the church I had joined that day.  When I was introducing myself very nervously I said I'm Aspie and the response was "Yeah, so am I, so's she" - identifying two other trans women in the group.

  • I'm not sure it matters, but if it matters to you, that's OK too. Can you say what your particular interest is in knowing?

    Sorry to ask, but for my part I just talk to people. Occasionaly someone will say what their gender is, and some user names give it away too I suppose, but unless it's something in particular to do with getting a diagnosis, my answers will be the same. The exception is when we talk about the difficulties of female diagnosis.