Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. Does anyone else find it nearly, no actually, absolutely impossible to relax? I've tried so many things. Baths, Meditation, TV, comedy, music... Anything to just allow a person to 'wind down' Meditation originally I thought was working. But now by far I know meditation to be the worst thing for me. It makes so extremely aware of every breath and heartbeat that I actually just become anxious and end up with something called 'air hunger' where I end up trying to take deep breaths when I clearly don't really need it. And then when I can't take as a deep a breath as I feel I needed I then think it's because I can't breathe and thus the anxiety continues in its cycle. I find this to be the case with almost any 'relaxing' thing. I become way too aware of my breath and heartbeat. It's just with meditation it's intensified. I don't even relax in my sleep! I often wake up from anxiety dreams where I've clearly been hyperventilating in my sleep from the dream. How can I ever relax?
I've been wondering a lot about this recently.
I can achieve a state of contentedness easy enough, and I don't suffer anxiety in the way you describe, but the thinking and analysing doesn't stop. The top thing for me is fell running. I really do go into a state of switched off and bliss. Nothing else compares..
Reading works really well for me. And I do well lying in the sun! I'm starting to explore sports more like scrambling, winter moutaineering, kayaking things like fell running that aren't competetive, you can do with someone, are about A to B, and require full presence. Craft works but I find it really really hard to get going. I find it much easier to "relax" in bed than on the sofa. I've never understood how you can relax in the bath!
Otherwise I find it hard to relax and not to be purposeful, or thinking.
One of the things I do the most is supposed to be a 'relaxing' hobby. LOL. Birdwatching. Or Bird photography. I seem to go through phases where the anxiety is severe so all I can seem to focus on is my breath or heartbeat. I'm currently going through that phase. I can even feel the strain it has on my lungs from the over-breathing. But then I feel that strain on my lungs and then become anxious about that. I read, but when I'm like this I find I don't actually absorb the words but rather just sit reading the words while focusing on how my breath feels weird of my heart. But I think this cycle stems from the fact I don't truly relax even during the times when I'm not as severe as I am during these phases. It's like I never seem able to relax and then it gets on top of me and then I end up like this. For me when I'm like this the next best thing that can happen is I go into shutdown mode or somehow I manage to get myself out of this phase through other means. Dunno what they will be at the moment as this time around nothings seems to be working.
I think u may need to talk to GP about getting some medication for a while to lower your anxiety so you know what relaxed is. Being in a constant anxious state is not good for your long term so u need to make progress in the right direction. Just a couple of weeks so you get a grip of "relaxed".
Have u been diagnosed with ADHD ? I can't remember are u autistic ?
it ok just spouting ideas, u're correct to be cautious