I want euthanasia.

Have felt the same way too and have done the same as you, googling advise on how to die. I've even found the websites that you say google is hiding. Have tried to kill myself a few times. Even now, I can kill myself if I want to as I have a known means to do so. But I stopped after a while because, at least for now, it's not worth it on many fronts. It's not worth getting a medical record that puts you at risk of being sectioned. The means of suicide are really not worth your money when you could be spending it on a good dinner or a good concert. And most of all the people who are making your life hell are not worth your life. I'm not saying that your life is actually great nor that you haven't discovered the good things. Of course you're in a terrible place to want to die, and I wish so much that I could reach my hand to you in real life. I'm just saying the things and people pressing against your neck aren't worth your life. Don't give them that. It's not your fault, not our fault, that we're autistic, so why punish yourself in the ultimate way? And to want to die shows that you do care about your life - you care that it isn't what you'd like it to be. It shows that you do have a vision of what your life should be like - you do have a hope, whether you think it's realistic or not.

But if that's too much to think about, surely there are some small things that make you smile? What's your favourite movie? Do you like reading? I think you'd enjoy Camus' The Myth of Sisyphus, if you haven't read it already. Or would it help to go hiking or camping, getting away from pesky humanity? Are there goals you've always wanted to achieve but never got around to doing, like learning a new instrument? Please let us know how you're feeling, when you're up to it 

Have felt the same way too and have done the same as you, googling advise on how to die. I've even found the websites that you say google is hiding. Have tried to kill myself a few times. Even now, I can kill myself if I want to as I have a known means to do so. But I stopped after a while because, at least for now, it's not worth it on many fronts. It's not worth getting a medical record that puts you at risk of being sectioned. The means of suicide are really not worth your money when you could be spending it on a good dinner or a good concert. And most of all the people who are making your life hell are not worth your life. I'm not saying that your life is actually great nor that you haven't discovered the good things. Of course you're in a terrible place to want to die, and I wish so much that I could reach my hand to you in real life. I'm just saying the things and people pressing against your neck aren't worth your life. Don't give them that. It's not your fault, not our fault, that we're autistic, so why punish yourself in the ultimate way? And to want to die shows that you do care about your life - you care that it isn't what you'd like it to be. It shows that you do have a vision of what your life should be like - you do have a hope, whether you think it's realistic or not.

But if that's too much to think about, surely there are some small things that make you smile? What's your favourite movie? Do you like reading? I think you'd enjoy Camus' The Myth of Sisyphus, if you haven't read it already. Or would it help to go hiking or camping, getting away from pesky humanity? Are there goals you've always wanted to achieve but never got around to doing, like learning a new instrument? Please let us know how you're feeling, when you're up to it 

I'm intrigued by these reliable means of suicide that you acquired for a princely sum, but I'll leave it to those illegal websites to find out about that.