Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm struggling with pains. Mostly head and stomach pains which are getting worse by each day. They bring with them a feeling of utter lousiness and it’s just ugh I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m all for living life and waiting for things to get better but I believe this is part of my asd and actually may never get better and that is an alarming thought for me. I can’t live life in pain and discomfort not forever. I’ve been having distressing and negative thoughts for a while and have also considered not living for much longer like planning things out. I love my family and I love life but I don’t see the point in being here if I’m unable to enjoy life and currently, the pain and discomfort is making life unpleasant for me and my loved ones. My mood is all over the place. I’m not able to keep it in check and have outburst because of the pain.
I work in a hospital and have seen people die before and I feel envious of those people. The dying process can be unpleasant but the actual dying bit is like switching off a light. At times I dream of that happening for me because there would be no more pain, just peace and bliss. It’s wrong to think this I know but really the pain and feelings I go through every day are getting unbearable and no one seems to be able to or want to help. I've had the pains for the last ten years and now they are so much worse they are making me feel really bad most days.
I don’t see myself being here much longer but I thought I would try this place as you guys are all likely to have experienced this or similar I hope.
Hello Former Member,
I’m really sorry you are going through such a tough time with your health. it’s good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts and we hope you’re okay.
If you find you are unable to cope, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.
If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx
The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.
MIND have information pages on coping with suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.
If you need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed via webform https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104.
ChloeMod.
Hi Chloe,
Thanks for the suggestions and numbers. I’m hoping I’ll be strong enough to call or email someone tomorrow. The pain is so bad at the moment and my mind is a whirlwind of anxiety and discomfort. Sleeping isn’t good either, I keep waking up feeling dizzy and hot in the middle of the night and then in the morning it’s pain and darkness all day. The bad thoughts are with me all the time. I’m really struggling with it all and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to phone my gp but I’m scared and don’t want her to be angry with me, and I don’t know what I would say. I’m not good at speaking with people. I find it hard finding what to say. I do want to get better again but I don’t know how to get there or make it happen.
I am sorry, that sounds horrible. I hope you get to speak to the doctor quickly. Try and do something nice until then like read a funny book, if there's anything you can even partly concentrate on in that state.
Your GP has no business to be angry with you, you've done nothing wrong. If you think that this particular GP is likely to be angry with you about it, then that stinks and I can only say don't take it personally because she's the one in the wrong in that case and you don't deserve it. But if she's any good, then she won't be. It's exactly her job to help out people with problems like yours.
If it's talking to people as opposed to writing that bothers you, then do yourself a favour and write or e-mail, do it the way you're best at. Don't put yourself through phoning just because you think you should be able to manage a phone call. I nearly always write to my GP myself rather than phone if I can. (And, having been through phone calls with me before, she's only too glad I do!)
By the way, the horrid symptoms you're describing are absolutely not something most people with autism go through, this must be something extra, so it might well be something that can be cured. Chin up, tomorrow may not be like today! (Or, well, next week or whenever, you know what I mean.) Let us know what happens.